RSS Feed

Tag Archives: poop

What I Learned This Week – 11/23/14

I know this is terribly late, but real life got in the way, which is always a bummer.

But I didn’t want an important milestone to go buy without at least a little bit of fanfare.

My little tiny goofy blog reached 50,000 all-time views this week!

I started this blog because I felt I had things to say. The same type of things I used to email to my coworkers all day at work, such as mix tape reviews, pet obituaries, poems, goofy pictures, and favorite songs, I now share with the world.

He looks like he is on the toilet

He looks like he is on the toilet

Sometimes I feel that technology complicates the world more than it helps. (And Facebook is definitely a time suck.) But I am never sad about the time I spend on my blog, and usually wish I had more time to spend here.

Stay tuned for my next few milestones: my 400th post, and publication of my first novel(la).

I was also going to write about what a great product Pedia-Lax glycerine suppositories are, as it got my almost 4 year old son pooping again. But then the next time we used it, it wasn’t effective for him. But, prune juice might be the new pooping miracle.

Stay tuned.

Crap, I already said that.

(Ha, ha.  I said, “Crap…”)

Advertisements

My 4-H Project

I might not be stalking you, but I am in my backyard taking pictures of my dog’s poop.

Yes, you read that right.

4H-poop

I recently went to the county fair where I was reminded what a tragedy it was that I was never involved in 4-H. I didn’t know much about it at all when I would have been of an age to actually participate. I think my mom told me it was just for kids who lived in the country and had a barn to raise pigs and chickens. I should have pushed harder, especially since I was living in the country with a barn at the time.

It wasn’t until I was older that I realized it involved crafts. CRAFTS! I LOVE CRAFTS! I could have rocked crafts!

Then when I was at the fair this year, I realized their are TONS of categories:

Duct Tape Crafts
Photography
Scrapbooking
Wood Burning
Lego Scenes
Cupcake Decorating
First Aid Kids
Design Your Own Chicken Coup
Make Your Own Music/CD
Research History of Rock’n’Roll

There was just building after building of it! All these projects from wonderful creative minds!

And then there were some that you could tell had just Googled “easy cupcakes” and found how to put a half a Twinkie on top of a cupcake to make a minion. There were several on the table.

Or the ones who Googled “melted crayon collage”. There were even more of those.

So, when our Pointer recently ate around 30 of M’s crayons, I still had these 4-H ideas bouncing around inside my skull. I am on poop duty at my house because, well, it would not get done otherwise. As any good dog owner does, I look at my dog’s poop to make sure it looks healthy.

No, not with a microscope or anything!

Just a quick glance when it is on the end of the scoop shovel is plenty. I have two dogs. I can tell their poop apart by consistency and drop pattern. The Pointer has solid poop and walks around as he does his business, making it a pain to pick up. The Lab/Chow mix…Let’s just say she picks up her own.

I have seen some pretty crazy stuff in my Pointer’s poop. Once there was a plastic eye from a dog toy staring back at me. Once there was an Old Navy cloth tag, just sticking out of his poop (from yet another dog toy, I assume).  There was Styrofoam as well.

When the crayons started coming out, I had a brilliant idea! I took pictures of his poop! In all the colors of the rainbow!

Taste The Rainbow

Taste The Rainbow

It is my 38 year old 4-H project. Think of it as a cross between raising an animal and a melted crayon mosaic. Except these have been chewed rather than melted.

I could call it:

TASTE THE RAINBOW:
How a Dog’s Digestive System Processes Crayons
*A Photo Mosiac*

Do you think the Skittles people will mind?

Scoopin’ Poop

Picking up dog poop is very degrading. I think that when I see my neighbor scooping his dog’s poop. I feel degraded when I scoop up the poop in my yard, twice as much as what my neighbor has (Dave poop & Parker poop). What is that saying dog’s have? “Who is the real Master? You pick up MY poop.”

Photo: web.uri.edu

Photo: web.uri.edu

To add to this humiliation at being janitor to my canines, the other day my toddler sat in his Cozy Coupe and supervised me while I scooped. He made me feel like I was completing community service and he was my prison warden. I should have given him my cap gun so that he could take me down if I decided to make a run for it.

The warden & his chase vehicle

In a few weeks I am dog sitting a wonderful dog, except for one thing–HE POOPS! Just like my two existing dogs! So my backyard poo will go up…um, 33% maybe? I don’t know the math, but you get the idea. Hopefully my husband will have mowed the lawn by then, so long grass will no longer be my problem. By late-October, leaves will be my problem, falling and burying all the poo.

Photo: farm3.static.flickr.com

Photo: farm3.static.flickr.com

After the leaves, comes the snow.

Before I got a dog, I was like “I can’t wait to have a dog. It will be so worth having to pick up her poo.” And it was. With one dog.

Dave: Please some treats…so that I may make you more poop?

Then my husband got a dog. I thought we would take turns scooping the poop. No such luck. I tried to make a deal, figuring that dog pick-up duty and balancing the checkbook were the two most despised jobs in our home. But no such luck. My husband won’t perform either of those tasks.

Parker, thinking about asking to go out to poo

The fear of the dogs tracking poo into the house and my need (and my son’s) to freely walk in our backyard keep me diligent about keeping it picked up. Well…once a week anyway…

Photo: leashyourfitness.com W-O-W. . .How do I teach my dog to do that?

Photo: leashyourfitness.com
W-O-W. . .How do I teach my dog to do that?

I’m not stalking you. is NOW ON FACEBOOK! “Like” that I’m not stalking you and get an update when there is a new post to read. (It is sort of like YOU are stalking ME.)

Poop Voucher

It is just something my husband started.

He would be looking for me in the house and I would be in the bathroom and he would say through the door,”Are you pooping again? Do you have a poop voucher for that?”

What is a poop voucher? I asked myself and him the same question. It is just some imaginary tool he invented to torture me with. So, then I played the game to try and get back at him.

“Are you pooping? You used up all your poop vouchers for this week (or month, etc.),” I would hassle him.

“I am borrowing from next week,” he would reply, or something equally smart ass.

There is no strict allowance or number of vouchers that you get for a time period. Because poop vouchers are entirely imaginary.

Until now.

Behold, the Poop Voucher!


In order to get back at my husband, I spent one night designing an actual poop voucher, according to what it looks like in my head. (My husband fell asleep that night before I got it done to show him.)

The next morning I showed him, and he insisted we make copies. He wanted them big. I wanted them small. I printed off a small batch and a medium batch before we felt like it was a waste of printer ink.

My husband made up some lame, arbitrary rules (he says “overly complicated and unnecessary rules”) for how to use them. Like the big vouchers could only be used Thursday through Monday, except on birthdays, religious holidays, anniversaries, reunions, etc. The little vouchers could only be used Tuesday through Monday 1:15PM EST until 11:31AM PST, with the same exceptions, also excepting February 29th of leap years and the first Thursdays of the month. (No pooping on birthdays? That’s harsh. I guess I know what I will wish for when I blow out the candles.) I laughed til I cried and told him there was no way that I could remember all that.

After my son carried a few vouchers around the house, I realized how very not water-resistant poop vouchers are. Then I laminated them with packing tape. (Yes, I realize at this point I have spent an unusually long amount of time on a product that is just an inside joke between my husband and I. But it makes for a great blog, don’t you think?)

Laminated Poop Vouchers. That is a lot of steaming piles of poo…


There is still no hard and fast number of poop vouchers to be allotted each week. We did agree as long as my son is in diapers, he is off the voucher system. We still have no collection arrangement for them–although I think my son’s shape sorter might handle this job nicely. I asked my husband just today when he came out of the bathroom,”Hey, did you use a poop voucher?”

Possible voucher collection device


“It’s in the living room,” he replied.

Why has the legend of the poop voucher persisted in our household?

I think it all comes down to the fact that it just sounds funny to say “poop voucher”. Heeheehee.

I’m not stalking you. is NOW ON FACEBOOK! “Like” that I’m not stalking you and get an update when there is a new post to read. (It is sort of like YOU are stalking ME.)

%d bloggers like this: