I tried to make a homemade bird feeder.
It sounds easy, right? You need a container to hold the food, a perch for them to stand on, and a hole to get to the food. I thought the hardest part would be waiting for payday to buy some dang bird seed.
My son watches a PBS show called Nature Cat. Which, if you look it up, has the most awesome voice cast ever. (Well, I guess aside from maybe Futurama.)
Nature Cat was all like, “Ya, it’s easy. If you build it, they will come.”
Except, well, mine didn’t work out that well.
At first glance, everyone says it is because of the cats. You see, I put one set of holes too high, so I lowered it. But then I had to cover the top holes with something. I knew bacon duct tape would be more appropriate, but I of course I could not find it at that juncture. So I had to use Hello Kitty duct tape.
Everyone finds this amusing, but I am pretty sure the birds don’t care about pictures of a cartoon cat.
Then, well, I didn’t have a pop bottle as the original image showed. The only plastic bottle I had handy was for vinegar, so I emptied and rinsed it out and used that.
But, apparently, the birds like to actually SEE their food before they eat it? And maybe they don’t like the smell of vinegar.
Then I was worried that the food would fall out of the feeding holes, so I made them small. But then I was afraid the birds weren’t using it because they were too small, so I made them bigger.
But then it rained all week and I could tell the food was getting wet, so I poked some holes in the bottom so that it could drain.
But the wind kicked up and the screw holder I originally put in the top came out, so I had to hang it from the handle.
I left it up for 1-2 weeks. In that time, I never saw a bird eat from it. (My husband saw one small bird.)
Realizing that the birds hated my creation, I gave up and chucked it and got an inexpensive store bought one. Because, of course, now I have 10 lbs of bird feed I need to use up.
That was less than a week ago, and I have already seen several birds (or maybe it is just one bird who overeats) partake from the new one. I even have photographic evidence.
Hey, just a cotton-picking minute there. What is that I see? The food is not intended for HIM.
This is so totally against my anti-squirrel propaganda agenda. I want to selectively feed the wildlife.
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From the broken mind of Jennifer Friess, the joining of hearts & souls…
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