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Category Archives: A day in the life

Pinterest Fail

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I tried to make a homemade bird feeder.

It sounds easy, right? You need a container to hold the food, a perch for them to stand on, and a hole to get to the food. I thought the hardest part would be waiting for payday to buy some dang bird seed.

My son watches a PBS show called Nature Cat. Which, if you look it up, has the most awesome voice cast ever. (Well, I guess aside from maybe Futurama.)

Nature Cat was all like, “Ya, it’s easy. If you build it, they will come.”

Except, well, mine didn’t work out that well.

My Pinterest Fail

At first glance, everyone says it is because of the cats. You see, I put one set of holes too high, so I lowered it. But then I had to cover the top holes with something. I knew bacon duct tape would be more appropriate, but I of course I could not find it at that juncture. So I had to use Hello Kitty duct tape.

Everyone finds this amusing, but I am pretty sure the birds don’t care about pictures of a cartoon cat.

Then, well, I didn’t have a pop bottle as the original image showed. The only plastic bottle I had handy was for vinegar, so I emptied and rinsed it out and used that.

But, apparently, the birds like to actually SEE their food before they eat it? And maybe they don’t like the smell of vinegar.

Then I was worried that the food would fall out of the feeding holes, so I made them small. But then I was afraid the birds weren’t using it because they were too small, so I made them bigger.

But then it rained all week and I could tell the food was getting wet, so I poked some holes in the bottom so that it could drain.

But the wind kicked up and the screw holder I originally put in the top came out, so I had to hang it from the handle.

I left it up for 1-2 weeks. In that time, I never saw a bird eat from it. (My husband saw one small bird.)

Realizing that the birds hated my creation, I gave up and chucked it and got an inexpensive store bought one. Because, of course, now I have 10 lbs of bird feed I need to use up.

That was less than a week ago, and I have already seen several birds (or maybe it is just one bird who overeats) partake from the new one. I even have photographic evidence.

A bird actually eating from my store-bought feeder!

The same bird still eating at my feeder.

Hey, just a cotton-picking minute there. What is that I see? The food is not intended for HIM.

Unwanted guest

*Sigh*

This is so totally against my anti-squirrel propaganda agenda. I want to selectively feed the wildlife.

Don’t forget, if you sign up for my newsletter during the month of April you will have a chance to win TWO ROCK STAR PASSES to the Great Lakes Books Bash, October 27 & 28th! The two passes cover admission to the signing & panels Friday as well as early admission to the signing on Saturday and panels on Saturday.

Click here to sign up.

From the broken mind of Jennifer Friess, the joining of hearts & souls…
NOW AVAILABLE! Troll Gurl and the Cursed Kingdom

In-Person Appearance This Saturday!

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There will be an appearance Saturday, April 8th by Jennifer Friess!!!

That doesn’t seem very glamorous. Wait, that’s me.

But, heck, I’m announcing it anyway.

Tomorrow me, and several other even more fabulous authors, will be at the Lenawee District Library from 2:30PM-4:00PM. That is a short window of time, so if you snooze, you will lose.

The LDL, as they refer to themselves, can be found at 4459 W. US-223, Adrian, MI 49221.

This will be my first event where I will have copies of Troll Gurl and the Cursed Kingdom to sell. I am so excited to be able to tell people about Ginny’s story in person!

To see other events, please click here: EVENTS PAGE

Don’t forget, if you sign up for my newsletter during the month of April you will have a chance to win TWO ROCK STAR PASSES to the Great Lakes Books Bash, October 27 & 28th! The two passes cover admission to the signing & panels Friday as well as early admission to the signing on Saturday and panels on Saturday.

Click here to sign up.

From the broken mind of Jennifer Friess, the joining of hearts & souls…
NOW AVAILABLE! Troll Gurl and the Cursed Kingdom

Spring is Giveaway Time!

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I have updated my EVENTS PAGE!

If you are a member of my newsletter, you had this information on MONDAY!

If not, you should really sign up for it, and I will tell you why in just a minute.

First off, you should know my first event is NEXT SATURDAY! It will be an Author Fair at the Lenawee District Library in Adrian, Michigan, from 2:30PM-4:00PM. Please make plans to stop out.

I also wanted to call to your attention that I have UPDATED my info for Utopia Con. Yes, ladies and gentlemen (and I use that term loosely) I will now have a table on Saturday, June 24th in Nashville, TN. And in case you didn’t know, this is the FINAL Utopia Con, so it would be great if you stopped out. You can click the graphic above to obtain tickets.

I am excited to let you know that I have TWO ROCK STAR PASSES to giveaway for the Great Lakes Books Bash, October 27 & 28th! The two passes cover admission to the signing & panels Friday as well as early admission to the signing on Saturday and panels on Saturday.

Now, more about this newsletter business. I will be giving the TWO Rock Star Passes to ONE Lucky winner (because it is always nicer to go with a friend, right?) who is on my Author Newsletter List. If you are already on it, then you are already entered for a chance to win.

You aren’t? Well, then it is super quick and easy to sign up here: http://eepurl.com/7YhHr I promise, I won’t spam you. I send out about 4-5 newsletters a year and they contain super-important information about events, books releases, and sometimes even a book trailer 😉

The contest will be open until April 30th, 2017, at which time I will pick a lucky winner and notify them by email.

Good luck! And spread the word.

From the broken mind of Jennifer Friess, the joining of hearts & souls…
NOW AVAILABLE! Troll Gurl and the Cursed Kingdom

Touchscreens Are a Gift from the Devil

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This probably runs on a touchscreen. I feel sorry for the poor sucker who has to program it.

 

I knew touchscreens were the worst idea ever the first time I saw one at the catalog pick-up department inside a Sears store. I’m not sure when that was, early 90s, maybe? Most technological advances come to our part of the country last. It looked like something out of a 1980s sci-fi movie. The kiosk was the size of an arcade video game. It was cumbersome and unresponsive. From that moment on, I knew the touchscreen thing would never catch on.

…..

…..

…..

Could I have been more wrong?

While I love all the cute things my cell phone can do besides, you know, make calls, I HATE that the magic of video calls or listening to the radio depends on a touchscreen. I try to scroll through Facebook, and it is constantly opening up stories I don’t want to read. “I did not click on that!” I shout, to no avail. I am trying to tag spam emails for deletion in my email, but instead the phone keeps opening the questionable messages, “I said DELETE!”

I am a lover of buttons. I loved my previous 2 phones that had slider keyboards. I was using them much later than anyone else. I could actually type a coherent text message. I could use proper spelling, capitalization, and punctuation if I wanted to!

I had to turn off my word predictor do-hickey on my current phone. I would be trying to type a “t” or “y” or “u” and I would instead end up with the word suggestion right above it. (I have tiny hands. My mom always says she was waiting for my hands to get bigger before she tasked me with doing the dishes. She is still waiting.) If me, of the tiny hands, has problems using a touchscreen keyboard, how do men do it? I know how my husband does it: he uses the voice command, which also gives out questionable results.

We have these fancy LED (or LCD?) screens with HD resolution that we can watch Hollywood movies on while we wait in line at the grocery store, but we are constantly putting our greasy fingerprints all over them. We are watching state of the art technology through a haze of gunk. Then we touch it to our face, putting something that is probably coated in fecal dust next to our mouths. Disgusting.

Touchscreen are EVIL. You can’t spell Devil without the evil.

I think we are too far gone now to beg for a return of the keyboard. That won’t stop  me though. Eventually we will just be able to think a thought and our phone will beam it for us. Unfortunately, my thoughts are about as clumsy as my fingers are. :-/
From the broken mind of Jennifer Friess, the joining of hearts & souls…
NOW AVAILABLE! Troll Gurl and the Cursed Kingdom

What I Learned This Week – 3/19/17

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I am sure many of you were already aware of what I am about to tell you. But, this series of posts is called “What I Learned This Week”, not “What Everyone Else Already Knew.” So, ya.

I left work for my lunch break on Tuesday, something I don’t usually do. When I went to restart my car, it wouldn’t start. I’m a woman, so my only guess was my battery was dead, although it had started up just fine a half hour prior. And the dashboard lights were acting…unusual. They would all come on and sort of dance when I turned the key to try to start the car. Even where the “P” usually lights up to tell me it is in Park, it was cycling through and lighting up “R”, “N”, “D”, and “1” as well. It truly was the strangest thing.

I tried to jump it–nothing.

I have a cuter picture of it with a Christmas tree on top, but it would take me forever to find it.

I called in my husband, who while not a trained mechanic, totally understands engines and how to take them apart and put them back together. (I, on the other hand, believe they run on hamsters on wheels and fairy dust.) The crazy lights with the lack of success at jumping had him convinced it was an electrical problem.

During the next 24 hours, we proceeded to juggle the one remaining car and our two jobs and elementary school pick-up of M. I contemplated the hassle of having to pay a tow truck to tow my car the literally .3 miles my car died from the actual dealership. But as crappy as all that was, I have to admit the timing was actually fortunate because my husband was still home to assist me.

But while my husband was at work, I realized something…

In the old days when your battery died, it just died. Your headlights were weak, nothing would work. You could just jump it back to life and be on your way.

What I realized is that we don’t live in that time anymore. (Let me take this opportunity to reiterate that I don’t understand how a car engine totally works.) We live in a time where computers are ingrained into everything from our cars to our televisions to our electric toothbrushes. Computers are made by humans. Computers have unnecessary safety features. Computers fuck up.

I remembered that the second time my battery died in my beloved Aztek, I thought it had an electrical problem. Turned out that the battery got so low, that it tripped the anti-theft system. See what I mean about computers having unnecessary safety features?

So I hypothesized my battery had just gotten low enough that the car was like “Ya, we are done with this battery” without actually giving me a clear message that that was the case. Figuring that would be the least expensive option, I talked my husband into taking it to O’Reilly’s and getting it checked out. Sure enough, it was dead. After we spent some more time in a parking lot in a -10F degree windchill, it started right up.

The lesson this week kids is if your car is acting goofy and you have no idea how old your battery is, it may just be that you need a new battery. Your car is not your grandfather’s car. Unless, you know, it is. But if your family has children early, then chances are your grandfather’s car could be computerized as well. My family waits to have our offspring. My dad drove a Ford LTD from the 1970s. I am pretty sure it would have exhibited the standard blasé of a car with a dead battery. 🙂

From the broken mind of Jennifer Friess, the joining of hearts & souls…
NOW AVAILABLE! Troll Gurl and the Cursed Kingdom

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