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My 4-H Project

I might not be stalking you, but I am in my backyard taking pictures of my dog’s poop.

Yes, you read that right.

4H-poop

I recently went to the county fair where I was reminded what a tragedy it was that I was never involved in 4-H. I didn’t know much about it at all when I would have been of an age to actually participate. I think my mom told me it was just for kids who lived in the country and had a barn to raise pigs and chickens. I should have pushed harder, especially since I was living in the country with a barn at the time.

It wasn’t until I was older that I realized it involved crafts. CRAFTS! I LOVE CRAFTS! I could have rocked crafts!

Then when I was at the fair this year, I realized their are TONS of categories:

Duct Tape Crafts
Photography
Scrapbooking
Wood Burning
Lego Scenes
Cupcake Decorating
First Aid Kids
Design Your Own Chicken Coup
Make Your Own Music/CD
Research History of Rock’n’Roll

There was just building after building of it! All these projects from wonderful creative minds!

And then there were some that you could tell had just Googled “easy cupcakes” and found how to put a half a Twinkie on top of a cupcake to make a minion. There were several on the table.

Or the ones who Googled “melted crayon collage”. There were even more of those.

So, when our Pointer recently ate around 30 of M’s crayons, I still had these 4-H ideas bouncing around inside my skull. I am on poop duty at my house because, well, it would not get done otherwise. As any good dog owner does, I look at my dog’s poop to make sure it looks healthy.

No, not with a microscope or anything!

Just a quick glance when it is on the end of the scoop shovel is plenty. I have two dogs. I can tell their poop apart by consistency and drop pattern. The Pointer has solid poop and walks around as he does his business, making it a pain to pick up. The Lab/Chow mix…Let’s just say she picks up her own.

I have seen some pretty crazy stuff in my Pointer’s poop. Once there was a plastic eye from a dog toy staring back at me. Once there was an Old Navy cloth tag, just sticking out of his poop (from yet another dog toy, I assume).  There was Styrofoam as well.

When the crayons started coming out, I had a brilliant idea! I took pictures of his poop! In all the colors of the rainbow!

Taste The Rainbow

Taste The Rainbow

It is my 38 year old 4-H project. Think of it as a cross between raising an animal and a melted crayon mosaic. Except these have been chewed rather than melted.

I could call it:

TASTE THE RAINBOW:
How a Dog’s Digestive System Processes Crayons
*A Photo Mosiac*

Do you think the Skittles people will mind?

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Appearances

I didn’t give a rat’s ass about my appearance for, oh, let’s say the last 5 years.

In 2009, I was like, “Well, I might get pregnant soon, so I won’t worry if I gain a few pounds.”

In 2010, I was all, “I’m pregnant.  I’m tired.  Why should I bother to gussy myself up.”

In 2011, I was like, “I have an infant.  If I wear jewelry, he may rip it off.  If I wear nice clothes, he may puke on them.”

In 2012, I was all, “I don’t have a job.  When I leave the house, I have a tiny terrorist with me.  Why bother to look good.”

Now I find myself in 2013.  I have a job, albeit a part-time one.  I have a uniform shirt I am required to wear there, and black pants.  But I can still express my personality through my jewelry, shoes, and hair choices.

Problem is, all my clothes and jewelry are about 10-15 years old.  Some is from my “I am in my 20’s and just discovered Goth” phase.  Most of my clothes are from my pre-baby smaller boobs.

Oh, and I’m getting old.  It used to be fun when people guessed my age and they guessed way too low.  Now people are guessing closer to my actual age.  I no likey that so well.

HAIR

I miss my pink streaks.  And I miss the hedgehog.  But I don't miss keeping a 10-speed bike behind my couch in a one-bedroom apartment.

I miss my pink streaks. And I miss the hedgehog. But I don’t miss keeping a 10-speed bike behind my couch in a one-bedroom apartment.

When I started my job, I dyed my hair blond again.  I started out blond as a child.  In 6th grade I whined to my mom that I didn’t like how dark my hair had gotten.  She bought me some hair color.  So, from 6th grade through college, my mom dyed my hair blond for me every few months.  It was blond in my wedding pictures.  I experimented with pink and purple and red and black.  Most recently I kept doing blond highlights, because they were not as time-sensitive to keep up.  But I let them go when I got pregnant.  I really like my hair blond again, and so does my husband.  It is a pain to keep up with though.  I even bought special shampoo to try to keep the color more vibrant longer and keep it moisture-filled.

Before and after hair cut & color

And I keep reading in magazines how guys like “beach waves”.  My hair is mostly on the straight side, only showing signs of curl when the humidity gets above 85%.  I bought a weird curling iron contraption to try to give me the beachy look.  I haven’t found time to try it yet, and am afraid it will dry out my colored hair.

Medieval torture device?

Medieval torture device?

SKIN

I have never had a very good skin care regimen.  Dove soap is often my face cleaning product of choice.  For a short time I tried the Cindy Crawford Meaningful Beauty products.  I liked them, but found I was using less and less of them.  Then they changed the moisturizer and added more SPF.  I got a terrible skin rash and discontinued it’s use.  It wasn’t long before I gave up buying the face wash as well.

A few months ago, I had to take my mom to the dermatologist for a skin rash thingy on her hand.  They had lots of free samples in the office, so I grabbed them all.  One I used and liked was CeraVe foaming facial cleaner.  It leaves your face feeling weird after you wash it, but I think that is because it isn’t stripping every single last drop of oil from your skin.  I have tried many moisturizers.  Without wanting to get pricey, the best I have found is Lubriderm body lotion.  It does the trick.

CeraVe Foaming Facial Cleanser

CeraVe Foaming Facial Cleanser

JEWELRY

I bought myself 2 new watches the other day.  This can be tricky, due to my intense nickel allergy.  I also bought a new pair of earrings I haven’t had time to try yet.  The saleswoman claimed they were nickel-free, but she may just get paid to say that.  All my cool nickel-free jewelry I bought from Avon a few years ago is already tarnishing/losing color.  Makes me kind of sad.  I didn’t even hardly get to wear it much.

CLOTHES

Other than a few new T-shirts and a few new pair of non-jean pants, I haven’t bought much.  I have a desire to have a few clothes that aren’t jeans or T-shirts.  But all that stuff just looks terrible on me.  It just looks like I am playing dress up or wearing the clothes of someone’s grandma.

A new shirt I am proud of, with my non-jean pants, sucking in my stomach, wearing a leftover goth bracelet on a very humid day where my hair might do something--or not.

A new shirt I am proud of, with my non-jean pants, sucking in my stomach, wearing a leftover goth bracelet on a very humid day where my hair might do something–or not.

I have managed to score some new footwear, courtesy of thrift stores and garage sales.  Unfortunately, most are not comfy enough to wear for a full day of work.

My sweet boots I scored at Goodwill

My sweet boots I scored at Goodwill

So, ya.  My husband probably thinks I am a crazy, spendy mess.  And I am.  But I also may be going through a mid-life crisis.  (I have low expectations about my own life expectancy.)  When I was younger, I used to try to picture getting old.  I could never picture myself older than 26.  Ugh.  I am 11 years past that now, quickly approaching 12.

Hopefully some of these things will make me look younger/feel more confident/not frighten small children.  Time will tell.

APPEARANCE-mix-a-lot

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