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I Tried to Write a Country Song

In the past six months I started listening to country music again. And while I enjoy a good male singer/group as much as the next chick, all the songs start to sound similar. There is lots of “hey baby, let me take you down by the creek.” Um, ew. There are skeeters down there. Below is a Sam Hunt song that exemplifies my point. (And I also put it on here because it is a very hot song ๐Ÿ˜‰ )

So, somehow all this inspired me to write my own country song, trying not to sound too much like “Girl in a Country Song” by Maddie and Tae or “Guys Do It All The Time” by Shania.

I apologize in advance. Just be thankful you are not here for me to sing it to you…

Country Girl (At Heart)
You drive up to my front porch
A cloud of dust billows up from the drive
All over my T-shirt
I climb up into your pickup truck
You want to take me down
To the old mill pond
For some kissing and cuddling after dark
But let me tell you boy, why that’s just whack

I love NASCAR on a Sunday
I grew up on Jones & Straight
I like to listen to a freight train thunder down the rails on a dark night
But fish are icky
The woods have bugs
Tailgates are lumpy
And I can’t be trusted with a gun
But I am a Country Girl at heart

I wasn’t born in the South
But my neck is red
I grew up in a trailer
But I ain’t trash
I’m not model pretty
So I might as well be pretty weird
Maybe you will find it endearing
But remember I’d rather play Skee ball
Than go skeet shootin’ cuz

I love NASCAR on a Sunday
I grew up on Jones & Straight
I like to listen to a freight train thunder down the rails at night
But fish are icky
The woods have bugs
Tailgates are lumpy
And I can’t be trusted with a gun
But I am a Country Girl at heart

I don’t need fancy parties
I’m allergic to designer clothes
I love a big tractor
As it works long hours on a brown fall day
I love wide open fields
And the sight of a barn with no decay
The simple beauty of a dusty sunset
Shared with a guy in a t-shirt & jeans
And a backwards hat for easier kissing

I love NASCAR on a Sunday
I grew up on Jones & Straight
I like to listen to a freight train thunder down the rails at night
But fish are icky
The woods have bugs
Tailgates are lumpy
And I can’t be trusted with a gun
But I am a Country Girl at heart

But I am a Country Girl at heart

My country heart

Follow the romantic entanglements of The Riley Sisters in my books:
The Wind Could Blow a BugAVAILABLE NOW!
When You Least Expect It NEW RELEASE!
Be Careful What You Wish For – COMING JANUARY 2016!

Real-World Chemistry

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Just the sight of this textbook scares the crap out of me...

Just the sight of this textbook scares the crap out of me…

To me, when I was in school, we spent a whole lot of time on really boring stuff that had absolutely no application to the real world in which we would some day need to survive in on our own. It might also be why so many people ended up just living in their parent’s basements, working part time jobs to try to pay back student loan debt.

Case in point: The metric system.

We don’t have a meter stick at home, we have a yard stick. My husband goes to the lumber yard for a piece of 6 foot drywall or a 2″x 4″, not 6 meters of drywall. Yet in school, they spent all this time [trying to] teach us the metric system and didn’t teach us the U.S. measurement system that is actually in use in regular lives daily. I still don’t know how many feet or yards are in a mile. I was never taught that in school. Good thing I have it on a ruler from a McDonald’s Happy Meal.

Next point: Balancing a checkbook.

In high school, I took math classes up through Trigonometry. Pretty advanced math. I got mostly A’s and B’s. I didn’t understand any of it. When I went to college, I had to take a test to see if if I would test out of all the math classes. Nope. I ended up taking Algebra a second time. I still don’t understand it.

You know what I also have trouble with? Balancing my checkbook. It has to rank up there are one of THE most important tasks you have to do regularly as an adult. When did they teach that to us in school? Formally, never. Informally, during a Junior Achievement exercise in 7th grade. And my mom taught me.

I never took Chemistry in high school. It was taught by a man who had already failed to teach me Algebra and Drivers Ed, and he made my skin crawl. So why would I waste more time in a class with him with subject matter I was not remotely interested in?

When I got to college, I evaded Chemistry class as well. I took lots of Psychology and English classes instead.

But lately, I can’t get this idea out of my head. It keeps popping up in my day-to-day life.

What if they taught a high school class on Chemistry that kids could relate to? That would interest them? Chemistry is all around us in our daily lives. What if we could understand our normal lives better, and not learn about super-colliders, or whatever?

I had this brainstorm while coloring my hair. How many high school girls (and guys nowadays, I suppose) color their hair? Total chemistry. You have to take the one magic bottle and place it into the other magic bottle. What is in those bottles, exactly? Why do they react to change your hair color? Make your scalp burn? Why will it possibly explode if you recap it after mixing? I would love to know these answers!

The other day my husband and I were at a craft show. We had a long conversation with a lady who had a booth full of homemade soap. My husband expressed that it smelled great, but he was afraid that it would dry out his skin.

She went into a long explanation about how the longer the soap sits after it is made, the pH has more time to change. This causes the soap to be less drying. She sounded super-knowledgeable. I had never heard that stuff before. She could have been making it all up just to make a sale.

But, if there was a Real-World Chemistry class, that would be a GREAT experiment! And all the students could have yummy smelling soap that they made to take home.

My husband loves to make homemade silly putty with a mixture of glue and cornstarch. I don’t understand it myself, but he always has lots of fun. EXPERIMENT for Real-World Chemistry!

Yummm.

Yummm. Cinnamon rolls.

The other day I made cinnamon rolls, the kind my mom used to spend 5 hours making me for my birthday when I was a child (I always loved them more than cake.) The kind that you have to put yeast in, let them rise, beat them down, then let them rise some more. It was frustrating to find just the right amount of heat in my kitchen to make it rise. Then I noticed the recipe at one point said the dough should be “elastic and smooth”. Low and behold, over the past several hours and kneading, it had changed to just that. But how?

I find this topic very frustrating. Kids should at least know the basics of the world around them. Isn’t there always a big drive to get girls more interested in science?

HERE IS YOUR ANSWER!

And boys would take the class, thinking it would be an easy A, then accidentally learn something.

I don’t want other kids to avoid the subject altogether as I did. Now I can’t answer clues on Jeopardy. And I don’t understand joke T-shirts and throw pillows with periodic elements on them ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

Periodic Table T-shirt

Periodic Table T-shirt. Is it funny? I can’t tell!

Periodic table throw pillow

Periodic table throw pillow. Is it a statement about science or texting? Or both!

My first book, The Wind Could Blow a Bug is NOW AVAILABLE!

PURCHASE as a Paperback or eBook on Amazon.com TODAY.

Friday Funny

Happy Friday Everyone!

Opti-Mist: Spray this on my glasses every mornin', my outlook still doesn't improve

Opti-Mist: Spray this on my glasses every mornin’, my outlook still doesn’t improve

What I Learned This Week – 9/23/12

This week I learned that I shouldn’t order from Forever21.com. I tried to order a dress and a scarf I was intending to incorporate into my Halloween costume this year. (Sorry–Top Secret. You will have to come back on Halloween to find out what I am going to dress as.) I ordered my items on Friday, September 14th. Now, I realize that is a Friday. But by Thursday, September 20th, I had received no shipping email and my order status still said “NEW” when I looked it up on their website. So, I sent an email to customer service. As of today, Sunday,September 23rd, I have received absolutely no reply and my order status still says “NEW”. I have looked it up so many times now that I have the order number memorized.

I guess maybe they realized I am not 21. Nor a size O. At this point, I really don’t care if I get my order. I can make my costume from odds and ends around the house I already own. The dress was quite cute and I would probably be able to wear it for other occasions as well. But I won’t be heartbroken if it doesn’t come. I just wish they would tell me that, sooner, rather than later. And I will be really pissed if they only ship me the scarf! It was a add on purchase. I don’t want to pay $6.95 in shipping just for a scarf I could buy at Walmart.

There is a phone number on their website, so I guess next week I will call that and probably talk to some nice folks in India.

[UPDATE: I did call customer service (weeks ago), and the chick told me she would tell the warehouse to ship my order immediately and would refund my shipping charge once my order shipped. A few days later I received a generic email response that said I would be notified when my order shipped.

As of 10/8/12, I have received no notice that my order has shipped and my order still shows a status of “NEW” on the website. I guess I won’t have an awesome Halloween costume afterall:( My sympathies to all the other customers who are in the same situation.]

[FURTHER UPDATE: I finally received a shipping notice on 10/19, and my order arrived by 2nd day air (which I did not select) on October 22. Only took 38 days to receive. And my accessory went Out of Stock in that time.]

This week I also learned how to put songs on my cell phone! Now, I got this cell phone in the spring of 2011. While the phone has a SD card slot, I had no way to connect the phone to my old desktop computer. I tried a USB cord. That didn’t work for pictures, so I didn’t even think about trying to use it for music. And my iTunes was screwed up on that puter anyway.

I got a laptop for Christmas of 2011. I was ecstatic that it had an SD drive built-in. That meant to get photos off my phone, I no longer had to email them to myself, one by one by one by one by… I could just now slap in the SD card into my puter and go to town with downloading and organizing. And I still didn’t give a thought to music and my celly. (I notice I am lapsing into my own brand of slang. Swarry.)

Then my asbestos friend said how much she would love to put her music on her phone. That got me thinking. Friday I bought Pink’s new album off Amazon.com for $5. Now, this is a big step for me. I bought it not knowing if I could make it go into my iTunes account or not. After a few tries, I did. Then I was like “Let’s try to put it on my cell phone!” And it worked! Very easily! So I threw some more songs onto my cell phone SD card. …And I ran into the inevitable problem–not all of my files were mp3, which is all that my phone would recognize and play. But after a brief tussle with iTunes, I managed to convert most of the songs I wanted into mp3 and shove them onto my celly. (There were just a few that were รผber ultra super protected that it would not let me. Although technically I know a way to get around that too, if I wanted.)

And as I happily listened to my songs on my cell phone last night, I realized how much happier I am with daily music in my life:)

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What I Learned This Week 8/5/12

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I learned that my totally cute and adorable son, M, can do something I never imagined–be ugly.

He has been sick since Tuesday night. It took a pediatrician and then the ER to tell us he has strep throat. So, his temperament has been very ugly all week due to his illness. Then adding insult to injury, my husband gave him a horrible haircut on Saturday. My husband argued with me for a good couple hours before he relented that yes, my son does now look like a monk. To top it off, as we were at the ER of one of the best children’s hospitals in the country, M broke out in a weird red rash. The ER docs said that was just something that comes along sometimes with a fever. My mom thinks it is the measles. I don’t know what it is, but I don’t like it. There is nothing uglier than a crying boy who is all rashy with a monk haircut:(

While attempting to entertain my ailing tyke, I also learned that Thomas is a very bad tank engine. In one hour long movie, he causes an old trestle bridge to collapse, knocks down a brick tower, derails (I think there is one of these in every episode), and ended up in an abandoned flooded mine floating along.

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