Tag Archives: Anxiety

The Rudest Thing Anyone Can Say

Posted on January 29, 2014 by funnygurl2

“Excuse me.”

According to dictionary.com, it is an idiom, “used as a polite expression, as when addressing a stranger, when interrupting or disagreeing with someone, or to request repetition of what has just been said.”

I do not see it as polite at all.

1. How can you say it is ever “polite” to interrupt or disagree with someone? That is always going to be seen as negative by the person you are disagreeing with, no matter how much sugar you put on it.

2. I do not ever hear excuse me used out of “politeness”.

Used out of anger and impatience, mostly.

A perfect meme to illustrate my exact point.

A perfect meme to illustrate my exact point!

The customers at the grocery store who want to get past you are not saying it to be polite. They are not bothering to waste their breath on a full statement, such as, “Excuse me, may I please get by?” They are just barking out “excuse me”, then trying to squeeze between the two carts that are still in front of them at full speed. “Excuse me” is not a magic phrase meaning “everyone get the hell out of my way!” If it is the day before Thanksgiving and you are in the baking aisle at Meijer, “excuse me” isn’t going to get you anywhere. If there are people with carts in front of the people with carts who are blocking you, THEY ARE BLOCKED! Incessantly repeating “excuse me” like a broken record is not going to make the rapture come and beam people out of your way. Trust me, if they could get out of your way and away from you snarling those two rudest of words, they would.

I try not to use “excuse me” ever. Sometimes I use it in a store just to get someone’s attention. But my voice is always too quiet, and then I just feel dumb that I talked and no one heard me. I feel like I suddenly became invisible.

And really, in that context, to be perfectly honest, I am using “excuse me” to tell a stranger “you are in my way.” And that is how we are all using that expression. Be honest here. Unless you are trying to give someone back the $100 bill they just dropped, you are not using it as a courtesy or out of kindness. You are being rude and pushy and have the same “get out of my way” attitude as everyone else.

Maybe it is just me, but I always think of “excuse me” as the rudest thing anyone could say to me. It makes me just want to stab them.

The second rudest?

Probably, “Here, have a tissue.” Ack!

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What I Learned This Week – 10/13/13

Posted on October 13, 2013 by funnygurl2
Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

What I learned this week was how the PROs and CONs of my job really add up.

I had been out of work for almost 2 years. My husband had found a job, but it didn’t work out. He left like, literally, the same week I got offered this retail customer service job. I had no idea what he would find next or what I would do about childcare for M. I literally took the job and worked as many hours as I could the first week, because I really didn’t know if I would be able to keep it beyond that. (I, of course, never told my boss that.)

And since she was short-staffed, I kept working a lot of hours. My husband went through two more jobs before settling on the one he has now. Since he has been there, he has worked on two different shifts. Luckily, to her enormous credit, my mom stepped up to take up most of the babysitting duties required. But I can’t help but feel as though the novelty of seeing her grandson more often has worn off. She is a 69 year old woman who uses a cane trying to keep up with an almost 3 year old.

I have had this job almost six months now. And I am still very uncertain about if I will be there next week, next month, or next year. I am a planner, so I am always PLANNING to be there. But if something happened to my car or my mom, those plans could change in an instant. They are beyond my control (for the most part).

Since I first applied to the job posting (and never expected to get a call for an interview, let alone the job), I have had the same positives and negatives bouncing around in my head. I finally put them into writing to see how they stacked up.

PROs
1. I like the job and the people.
2. Looks good on my resume.
3. I am building good references.
4. Extra $ for a new car.
5. Helps with my anxiety.
6. If my husband loses his job, one of us is still employed.
7. My boss is a nice boss.
8. My boss is flexible with scheduling.
9. Has helped me get closer to achieving a personal goal.

CONs
1. I am burdening my mom with babysitting.
2. Wear & tear on my car.
3. I spend more impulse shopping than I make.
4. M being shuffled around.
5. Doesn’t pay well for the schedule hassle.
6. Feel like family/house is suffering.

Well, there you have it. With a score of 9-6, the PROs have it. But that is quantity. Does quality count? And how would one ever begin to calculate that?

I implied to my boss this week that I would be open to less hours. Which stinks, because I already am a very part-time employee. But working less hours would only eliminate #4 from the PROs list and it would lesson most of the items on the CON list.

What does the future hold?

Who the hell knows.

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What I Learned This Week – 3/3/13

Posted on March 3, 2013 by funnygurl2

What I learned this week was that you should never get the mail on Friday.  Bad news always comes in the mail on Friday.

Actually, you have now learned this.  I already knew it.

Possible voucher collection device

Toy Mailbox

You come home from a long week of work or taking care of your kids or taking your elderly grumpy mother grocery shopping.  You are tired.  You are hungry.  You are SO grateful that the weekend has arrived.  You are looking forward to winding down and letting the stress ooze out of your body like the jelly out of a donut while you lay on the couch and watch rich people shatter poor people’s dreams on Shark Tank.

Then you look at your mail.

Inevitably, there will be some piece of mail that is upsetting, from a business that you cannot contact until Monday morning.  This may be anything from a bill from the doctor’s office to a statement from a government agency.

And it SUCKS!

So, do yourself a favor, and let the mail sit in the box until Monday.

What about Saturday’s delivery, you ask?

Oh, we won’t have to worry about that much longer.

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If I Had The Guts To Karaoke, I Would Sing. . .

Posted on February 21, 2013 by funnygurl2

Ice, Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice

While to the world I just look like a little geeky white chick with glasses, I am secretly an awesome rapper. Well, for that one song anyway. And a song called the “Punky Power Rap” I invented in the 6th grade. But no one should ever really hear that song beyond my asbestos friend and my husband. And even they just smile and nod.

How did I get so good at singing “Ice, Ice Baby” around my house? Because I have been practicing for 20 years, that’s why. Several years ago I even bought the music-only karaoke track off iTunes so I could practice in my car. The problem with that is that I didn’t have a copy of the correct lyrics in front of me at all times. I am pretty sure that over 20 years I have mutated some of the lyrics from their original form.

The other night I dreamed that I was writing rap songs with Vanilla Ice. I woke up with “Ice, Ice Baby” stuck in my head. Now, I totally realize that Vanilla Ice is a kinda skeezy, dumb guy. But “Ice, Ice Baby” is still one of my favorite songs after all these years and I believe that it stands the test of time. Especially since it is sampled from another successful song.

If you want to see a funny take on a very Vanilla Ice-style character, head on over to CW.com to watch webisodes of Stupid Hype, starring Wilson Bethel from Hart of Dixie (he of shirtless Wade fame). I am Wilson’s friend on Facebook. His actual friend. Mostly because no one apparently told him to make a separate Fan Page for his fans.

Wilson Bethel as Wade on Hart of Dixie
Photo: The CW

For a short taste, check out the official music video here:

What would be my second song I would karaoke if I was brave enough? Why, “Picture” by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow. Who would I duet with, you ask? Isn’t the answer obvious? Myself:)

Being a Kid Rock AND Sheryl Crow fan, I can easily mimic either while singing along to my car radio. (Note: I never said that I did it well!)

But, alas, my gifted performances will never touch the world, because I am not brave enough (and I generally don’t drink) to perform in front of other people.

If I had my own karaoke machine in the privacy of my own home? THAT might be fun!

Yup, yup.  Word to your mother!

[What does that even MEAN?!]

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Religion and My Mom – Like Oil and Water

Posted on November 6, 2012 by funnygurl2

A few weeks ago, I went with my asbestos friend around her neighborhood trick or treating to collect canned goods for the local food pantry. My husband and son were along as well. The activity was part of the church’s Wednesday night dinner and study. Sometimes my husband and I go for dinner. We don’t do the “study” part so much, but we often can be found at the church’s activities.

I was trying to tell my mom about this the next day, without disclosing it had anything to do with the church. I told her that we went to Blissfield and had dinner with my asbestos friend. I told her then we walked around the neighborhood because it was such a beautiful night, and that the toddlers played musical seats between the stroller and the wagon.

She got to asking me her million questions (as she has no life of her own and lives vicariously through mine), and I admitted I wasn’t telling her that these activities took place at the church.

“Just as long as you don’t find religion. You aren’t finding religion, are you?”, Mom pushed.

“I am an adult. I can do whatever the f*ck I want to do,” I raised my voice at her.

“You think you hid things from me, but I know. You told me that all those nights you weren’t really at P’s, you were out gallivanting around. I knew that,” she said.

She doesn’t know what it’s like to have a baby in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit (PICU) and how good it feels to know a whole church full of people are praying (or positively thinking or whatever) for him.  Or how good it feels when he is finally better and it feels as though all those people’s thoughts may have moved something in the universe to create that desired outcome.

She also doesn’t know about my two tattoos, that when I used to come home and tell her she smelled car exhaust on my clothes that it was actually cigarette smoke that she smelled, that I got my roof redone and it had issues, that I have a blog, that I write about her on my blog she doesn’t know about, that I went to Detroit by myself, that I am interviewing for jobs, that our my family’s name is in the church directory.

I didn’t want to tell her when I was pregnant, but I thought even she would have figured it out sooner or later. And I was like 5 months along by the time I told her.

Back to the religion thing. I am pretty sure that I do not believe what everyone else at the church believes about God and the Bible. I do enjoy spending time with my asbestos friend there. I do believe they are a very nice and good group of people at that church, who have accepted my family even though we are a bunch of tag-alongs. I do believe that my husband was raised in the church and doesn’t mind going there. I believe it is good for my son to experience aspects of the church, including the sense of community spirit.

Have I found religion, Mother? No, and I probably never will. Because you have drilled it into my head that I am undeserving of belonging because you never wanted to.

While I don’t believe, I see where it would be so much nicer and happier and simpler if I did. I envy that people can feel like there is something out there more than their fragile human selves. I would love to believe that there is a Heaven to hang out in when I die, instead of having panic attacks as I try to fall asleep at night thinking of the black nothingness when my life suddenly stops and I just cease to exist and my whole life was for nothing.

It makes me sad.

My mom’s hate also saddens me.

I’m not stalking you. is NOW ON FACEBOOK! “Like” that I’m not stalking you and get an update when there is a new post to read. (It is sort of like YOU are stalking ME.)

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