RSS Feed

Tag Archives: church

What I Learned This Week – 4/20/14

Posted on

This week I learned that my son loves Easter egg hunts.

WEEK-Easter

Last year, he was almost 2 1/2 years old. He really had no idea why we wanted him to collect plastic eggs.

This year, he is almost 3 1/2. I am still not sure if he got the connection that eggs=candy or stickers or money. But he knew he had to grab as many as possible.

While all the other kids at church were lined up on the bright Easter morning, patiently waiting while the pastor explained the boundaries of the egg hunt, I had my arm around my son holding him back as he screamed at the top of his lungs and waved his camouflage Easter bucket in the air.

Oy.

He didn’t used to be like this. He used to be unsocialized, unsure of new situations. It is amazing what a few years will do.

Next we went to his Grandma’s house. There they color-coded the eggs, to ensure all the goodies were evenly distributed between the three participating children. It was a good system. Except my son had already tasted the glory of grabbing as many eggs as possible. His father and I had to reel him in a little.

He also spent his day playing like a crazy boy with the other kids in the church nursery, and playing outside with his cousins.

He ended the day dog-tired, with two big chocolate bunnies (one milk hollow, one white solid), $14, a new T-shirt, two new books, a new DVD, a toy helicopter, and countless stickers and chocolate candies.

I think he might like Easter better than Christmas. Where we live, it is too cold to play outdoors on Christmas!

What I Learned This Week – 9/26/13

I have learned that Claire’s, the popular mall accessory store, has converted almost all their store-brand earrings to be known as “Sensitive Solutions”. I have personally tested several pair over the past few weeks and I am happy to say this means NICKEL FREE!!!

Yes, I have a little bit of an international theme going on, although the hearts with the arrows through them have proven an early favorite.

Yes, I have a little bit of an international theme going on, although the hearts with the arrows through them have proven an early favorite.

This also means I had to purchase several pairs to test.  But they are so cute, that I don’t mind.  I didn’t realize how much I really missed wearing earrings.  I gave up years ago trying to find nickel-free earrings, especially affordable ones.  I need to see if Claire’s sister store Icing has sensitive earrings as well.

The Story

The Story

I also learned that Noah was 600 years old when he built The Ark!  What the f***?!

The church I sometimes hang out at because my friend goes there and I like the people and the activities but I don’t call it my church because I don’t really believe in the same beliefs has started reading a book called “The Story”.  It is like a Cliff Notes version of the Bible.  They are basing all their services and lessons off of it for the next several months.

I am reading it because all my knowledge of The Bible comes from watching the movie The Ten Commandments on Easter.  I am an entertainment/pop culture/trivia buff.  Since The Bible fits into all those categories (in my mind, anyway), I need to expand my general knowledge of it.

And so far, I am not impressed.  I just started, but so far it is the most unrealistic book I have ever read in my life.  I have trouble understanding how millions of people across the planet base their entire belief system off of this book.  I respect that, but I don’t get it.  (I enjoyed Twilight a lot more!)

Maybe I just haven’t gotten to the good part yet?

What I Learned This Week – 9/15/13

Not my family, but very funny! Photo: http://www.reddit.com

Not my family, but very funny!
Photo: reddit.com

This week I learned that I am very in need of being a part of something.  I was ridiculously excited this week that the church was having directory pictures taken. Although I half expected for someone to stop my family and be all like “What the heck are YOU doing here?”

It is my asbestos friend’s church. My family has tagged along with her enough times that hopefully they have forgotten that we never officially joined or anything. We were in the previous directory because it was just a list of names typed up by my asbestos friend (who happens to be the church secretary) and she was just like “Do you want me to add you guys?” and we were like “Sure”.

Then the church got a new pastor, so he just sees us at events and hopefully doesn’t notice that we don’t actually belong there. At least, that is how my mother makes me feel about the whole deal. I can’t even tell her when I am going to the church for an event, because she acts so juvenile.

Don’t believe me?

TEXT 9/15/13
ME: C is contemplating buying L & B’s old car that was in the accident that they traded with the pastor for their old car. Somehow I ended up being the one to call pastor Z. 6:19PM
MOM: I read the word pastor twice. Gag me. 6:22PM
ME: You are so juvenile. 6:44PM

She so lives in her own world that she can’t even grasp why I might want a circle of people who are supportive to surround my family.

She grew up with a normal mom, dad, and brother family, with a huge extended family.

I grew up with just her and my grandma. Most of my extended family were already dead by the time I was born. She doesn’t understand where I am coming from, and she never will.

Photo: http://the-bradford.blogspot.com

Photo: the-bradford.blogspot.com

This week I also learned that squirrel’s can be WAY more ruthless than even I had first thought.

Earlier in the week, I had one try to assault me from the air.

Some people have run-ins with bats. My enemy animal is THE SQUIRREL.

I let my dogs out the back door. They raced to the backyard. I heard a scrambling on the roof of my garage. So I kicked the side of the garage and yelled something to the effect of “Get your damn furry ass off MY garage!”

Now, to set the scene for you, my garage is not attached to my house, even though the insurance company classifies it that way. There is about 6 inches between the edge of the house roof and the garage roof.

I was standing directly under that spot, when the squirrel decided to try to run across.

As the back half of his body was hanging in mid-air directly above my head, his beady eyes met mine.

Now I know that I have seen EVIL.

Pieces of leaves and other roof debris were falling on me, as a preview of what was to come. Now, I have had a squirrel on me before. It may have been like 33 years ago and memories fade, but I DO remember that that is something I never want to repeat again.

So I screamed and ran away.

The squirrel regained his footing and made it across to the other roof.

I was shaking with terror that I had come so close to wearing a live squirrel as a hat.

They are evil. Head my warning. Keep your distance from those varmints.

Be careful out there…

Photo: the-bradford.blogspot.com

Photo: the-bradford.blogspot.com

What I Learned This Week – 3/31/13 “Hoppy Easter!”

Posted on
Photo: WarmBodiesmovie.com

Absolutely LOVE this pic.   It is my current desktop on my puter.    Photo: WarmBodiesmovie.com

 

This week I learned that Jesus was a zombie.

That is the whole point of Easter, right?

Celebrating when Jesus rose up as his zombie self to prove their was undead life after death?

My family went to church this morning (Shhh, don’t tell my mother. She would highly disapprove.) We went because I found a super-cute Easter outfit for my son at Once Upon a Child. My mom always said “the only reason to get an Easter outfit is if you go to church.” So, if you look at it that way, it is kind of her fault.

We also went to see my asbestos friend and her family.

And because the church was having a potluck breakfast and Easter egg hunt. It would be my son’s first Easter egg hunt, in a relatively riot-free environment.

My husband didn’t realize they were going to have a regular service after. He ended up going in the nursery with my son and taking a nap (New job, screwed up schedule, remember?). I stayed to listen to the sermon for two reasons.

The first and biggest reason is that we usually attend the church events, but not Sunday service. And the few times a year we do attend Sunday services, the church either doesn’t collect an offering or collects it for some charity other than themselves. While that is nice, it doesn’t make good business sense. They need one of those drop boxes for donations. It would make them more susceptible to burglary, but I would give more often. So, I had to stay until they collected the offering.

The second is that it only seemed polite. Get breakfast and eggs and ditch? That didn’t seem nice. And my whole family came, it seemed like at least one of us should actually stay in the church area (I can’t remember what it is called) and listen to the sermon.

The pastor talked about how Jesus rose and stood right next to a chick he had known and she didn’t recognize him.

Um, maybe because he was a rotting re-animated corpse?

And, corpse or not, if he rose again, what happened to him then?

Did he just say “Hey dudes, I did it!” and disappear into colored vapor? Did someone have to exorcise him? Did they have to kill him again? Shoot him with a silver bullet? Cut off his head?

Inquiring minds want to know. My entire biblical education amounts to watching the Charlton Heston movie “The Ten Commandments.”

I tell you, my new enlightenment today on this old story makes it seem WAY more interesting and contemporary. Because, you know, the zombies are coming soon…

Photo: austinist.com

Photo: austinist.com

Religion and My Mom – Like Oil and Water

A few weeks ago, I went with my asbestos friend around her neighborhood trick or treating to collect canned goods for the local food pantry. My husband and son were along as well. The activity was part of the church’s Wednesday night dinner and study. Sometimes my husband and I go for dinner. We don’t do the “study” part so much, but we often can be found at the church’s activities.

I was trying to tell my mom about this the next day, without disclosing it had anything to do with the church. I told her that we went to Blissfield and had dinner with my asbestos friend. I told her then we walked around the neighborhood because it was such a beautiful night, and that the toddlers played musical seats between the stroller and the wagon.

She got to asking me her million questions (as she has no life of her own and lives vicariously through mine), and I admitted I wasn’t telling her that these activities took place at the church.

“Just as long as you don’t find religion. You aren’t finding religion, are you?”, Mom pushed.

“I am an adult. I can do whatever the f*ck I want to do,” I raised my voice at her.

“You think you hid things from me, but I know. You told me that all those nights you weren’t really at P’s, you were out gallivanting around. I knew that,” she said.

She doesn’t know what it’s like to have a baby in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit (PICU) and how good it feels to know a whole church full of people are praying (or positively thinking or whatever) for him.  Or how good it feels when he is finally better and it feels as though all those people’s thoughts may have moved something in the universe to create that desired outcome.

She also doesn’t know about my two tattoos, that when I used to come home and tell her she smelled car exhaust on my clothes that it was actually cigarette smoke that she smelled, that I got my roof redone and it had issues, that I have a blog, that I write about her on my blog she doesn’t know about, that I went to Detroit by myself, that I am interviewing for jobs, that our my family’s name is in the church directory.

I didn’t want to tell her when I was pregnant, but I thought even she would have figured it out sooner or later. And I was like 5 months along by the time I told her.

Back to the religion thing. I am pretty sure that I do not believe what everyone else at the church believes about God and the Bible. I do enjoy spending time with my asbestos friend there. I do believe they are a very nice and good group of people at that church, who have accepted my family even though we are a bunch of tag-alongs. I do believe that my husband was raised in the church and doesn’t mind going there. I believe it is good for my son to experience aspects of the church, including the sense of community spirit.

Have I found religion, Mother? No, and I probably never will. Because you have drilled it into my head that I am undeserving of belonging because you never wanted to.

While I don’t believe, I see where it would be so much nicer and happier and simpler if I did. I envy that people can feel like there is something out there more than their fragile human selves. I would love to believe that there is a Heaven to hang out in when I die, instead of having panic attacks as I try to fall asleep at night thinking of the black nothingness when my life suddenly stops and I just cease to exist and my whole life was for nothing.

It makes me sad.

My mom’s hate also saddens me.

I’m not stalking you. is NOW ON FACEBOOK! “Like” that I’m not stalking you and get an update when there is a new post to read. (It is sort of like YOU are stalking ME.)

%d bloggers like this: