This week I learned that I am very in need of being a part of something. I was ridiculously excited this week that the church was having directory pictures taken. Although I half expected for someone to stop my family and be all like “What the heck are YOU doing here?”
It is my asbestos friend’s church. My family has tagged along with her enough times that hopefully they have forgotten that we never officially joined or anything. We were in the previous directory because it was just a list of names typed up by my asbestos friend (who happens to be the church secretary) and she was just like “Do you want me to add you guys?” and we were like “Sure”.
Then the church got a new pastor, so he just sees us at events and hopefully doesn’t notice that we don’t actually belong there. At least, that is how my mother makes me feel about the whole deal. I can’t even tell her when I am going to the church for an event, because she acts so juvenile.
Don’t believe me?
ME: C is contemplating buying L & B’s old car that was in the accident that they traded with the pastor for their old car. Somehow I ended up being the one to call pastor Z. 6:19PM
MOM: I read the word pastor twice. Gag me. 6:22PM
ME: You are so juvenile. 6:44PM
She so lives in her own world that she can’t even grasp why I might want a circle of people who are supportive to surround my family.
She grew up with a normal mom, dad, and brother family, with a huge extended family.
I grew up with just her and my grandma. Most of my extended family were already dead by the time I was born. She doesn’t understand where I am coming from, and she never will.
This week I also learned that squirrel’s can be WAY more ruthless than even I had first thought.
Earlier in the week, I had one try to assault me from the air.
Some people have run-ins with bats. My enemy animal is THE SQUIRREL.
I let my dogs out the back door. They raced to the backyard. I heard a scrambling on the roof of my garage. So I kicked the side of the garage and yelled something to the effect of “Get your damn furry ass off MY garage!”
Now, to set the scene for you, my garage is not attached to my house, even though the insurance company classifies it that way. There is about 6 inches between the edge of the house roof and the garage roof.
I was standing directly under that spot, when the squirrel decided to try to run across.
As the back half of his body was hanging in mid-air directly above my head, his beady eyes met mine.
Now I know that I have seen EVIL.
Pieces of leaves and other roof debris were falling on me, as a preview of what was to come. Now, I have had a squirrel on me before. It may have been like 33 years ago and memories fade, but I DO remember that that is something I never want to repeat again.
So I screamed and ran away.
The squirrel regained his footing and made it across to the other roof.
I was shaking with terror that I had come so close to wearing a live squirrel as a hat.
They are evil. Head my warning. Keep your distance from those varmints.
Be careful out there…