Ode to Punky Brewster

Posted on September 27, 2011 by funnygurl2

When I was a kid, I loved the NBC Television show Punky Brewster. I was in 4th grade and the same age as Punky. There was just something about her spunkiness and colorfulness that I wanted to emulate. Even though in reality I was more like shy Cherie. I used to dress like Punky. I would roll up one leg of my jeans and tie a red (or sometimes purple) bandana around my other leg, tight enough to cut off the circulation. (For the record, Soleil Moon Frye cheated. The costume designer had a loop sewn onto her pants so that her bandana wouldn’t fall down.) I was big on ponytails anyway, so it never bothered me to wear them all the time.

I even gave up my imaginary Sheepdog Sandy for an imaginary Golden Retriever named Brandon as if she was last week’s rotten meat (So sorry Sandy, girl.) For those who don’t know, her dog Brandon was named after the head of NBC at the time, Brandon Tartikoff, who created the show based on a girl he had known growing up with the same name. They had to track her down to get permission to use her name and everything.

She wore a skate key around her neck. At the time I had no frickin’ idea what a skate key was, so I wore a pink whistle around my neck. Later I would make friends with a girl who had a skate key and would loan it to me at school and let me wear it. But that brings back memories of the day she offered to let me wear it and I declined, because I had seen my mom’s car totaled from the school bus window on my way to school. (Don’t worry, she was fine. She lives on to this day to drive me batty.)

I even went Trick or Treating that year as Punky Brewster. For some reason I bought the 80’s plastic costume & mask combo, although I would have been much more convincing in the imitation-Punky wardrobe I wore every day. I bought everything Punky. I had a Punky Brewster messenger-style backpack that not many school books fit in to. I had Punky Brewster craft sets (bead jewelry and clay pins/medals). I had a Punky Brewster T-shirt. I think my favorite were my Punky Brewster sneakers. Although I will never understand why THE SHOES MATCHED! They were multi-colored, but they matched. When in reality, Punky would have had two different colored shoes. Leave it to merchandising money grubbers to get it wrong! My mom threatened for years to throw out my old grubby Punky shoes. I am proud to say I still have them to this day. Except of course they don’t fit anymore. And the plastic on them has gotten sticky over the years (Gross-a-roo!).

A few years ago I got a tattoo inspired by Punky’s sunshine ponytail holders. It is to symbolize my love of Punky and all things TV. Those who know me know that I still mis-match my socks to this day. And while Punky may have started me on the mis-matched road, I believe that it truly reflects my unique personality.

For more Punky, please visit:

You Can Never Get Too Much Punky Brewster https://imnotstalkingyou.com/2012/08/14/you-can-never-get-too-much-punky-brewster/

My Life Philosophy (Sitcom Style) https://imnotstalkingyou.com/2012/09/18/my-life-philosophy-sitcom-style/

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So Long, Borders

Posted on September 19, 2011 by funnygurl2

I didn’t think I would need to write a farewell to my former employer, Borders Group Inc. But I somehow feel compelled to.

I was never much of a Borders shopper, having only been in one store once before I was hired at the Corporate Office in 1999. And it if hadn’t been for a college field trip gone awry, I wouldn’t have ever heard of Borders at all. (Ya, that is one of my pet peeves throughout the years. Borders just assumed everyone had heard of them. If you didn’t have a Borders store in your town, then you really never knew they existed. Seriously.) I only became a Borders shopper because I got an employee discount, which made me buy a ton of books I have never read because, wait for it, I AM NOT A READER. If I find a series (hello, Fearless & Twilight) or a single book that I really like, I will read it. But I grew up on television, and that is really my chosen medium of entertainment.

So, that finds this post as mostly a farewell to the Borders Corporate Office (and yes, I still call it that–screw you Store Support Center:P). I liked that it was a place where you could come in as late as you wanted, as long as you were there by 9am, and leave as early as you wanted, as long as it was after 4pm. I loved that they let people with unnatural hair colors wander the hallways as if they were no different at all. I liked that we had diversity activities where we made necklaces & bracelets of all different colored beads. One year we made mosaic drink coasters. I still have mine. I will hold on to them as souvenirs of my time at Borders. It is very sad that no company now has the extra time or money for such morale-boosting employee participation events.

I will miss the musical performers who used to stop by. In better times, we would have many of these a year, and most of them open to the full company. I met Jason Mraz twice. I saw Joss Stone perform. Met Ricky Scaggs and Rosanne Cash. I saw Cheap Trick perform in the cafeteria (not a very glamorous locale). I was in the lunch line in the cafeteria behind Phantom Planet…about 2 years before their song was probably used as the theme for one of my favorite TV shows, The O.C. I got to meet (& hug) NEW KID ON THE BLOCK Joey McIntyre! I saw Loretta Lynn getting off her tour bus and walking inside in her pink ruffled dress. I saw Robin Thicke perform–which as I figure it, gets me three degrees away from Matthew Perry! (Swoon) I walked past the conference room where Kevin Bacon was performing with The Bacon Brothers (would that get me one degree from Kevin Bacon?)

It was more than just musicians too. Suzy Orman came in & talked to us about one of her new books. I sat in the back of the room–she has a very bold, loud, scary personality! On one of my daily walks outside, I passed an old guy in a very expensive suit–only to realize it was Lee Iacocoa.

I worked at Borders when 9/11 happened. They came and said that we could go home if we felt uncomfortable staying. I went home just because I wanted a day off, but I got paid for it, which was really awesome. Borders lost a store at the World Trade Center site. It was store 142, I think in tower 12. Everyone got out, which is great. Borders turned a giant area of cubes at the corporate office into a giant conference room and named it conference room 142, in honor of the lost store. Too bad that should have been a sign to all of us that we had less employees every year if we could sacrifice that many cubicles for a conference room.

I do want to forget the girl in the cafeteria who always miscounted my change and thought I was a lesbian. And all the times I was reorganized into a new department or boss or position. And all the hours of my short little life sucked up by my terribly long commute. But I do not want to forget all the wonderful friends I made while I worked there. I hope to stay in touch with many of them as we find new wonderful, better-paying jobs (positive thinking people!).

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My Life Rules – Part 1

Posted on September 6, 2011 by funnygurl2

No eating Taco Bell after 9pm. It has gastric consequences. Also, I might turn into a gremlin;)

Whoever drives the car should get to control the radio. Maybe my mom used that one on me as a teenager. I can’t remember.

No good deed goes unpunished.

I am on the path to my greatest good. That which is mine cannot be taken from me. From my asbestos friend, channeling Florence Scovel Shinn. Sort of like “you can’t lose what ain’t your’s.”

One I had in high school was something like “Remember you are always the ugliest person alive, ever.” As you may have guessed, that was the height of my self-esteem.

Don’t let the dogs into the backyard unleashed, without direct supervision. Sometimes you have to repeat a mistake a few times to learn from it. Like, a lot of times.

Never go to a gas station on a corner. I realize the gas station owners think it is a good idea to build them there, but it is just too hard to get in and out of them. There were only like two gas stations on my whole way to work that fit that rule.

Throw out leftovers on the fourth day. This rule has always served me well. As long as I can remember what day I made the food on:P

Am I starting to sound like that “Always Wear Sunscreen” song Baz Luhrmann put together? Well, you won’t hear me recommending that. I believe sunscreen actually causes skin cancer. Think about it. Putting chemicals on your highly porous skin just does not sound like a good idea to me. Maybe it is a secret plot by the medical community to drum up more business. I just heard on a very trustworthy, hard-hitting network news show (I think it was Sunday Morning with Charles Osgood) the other day that since people have started to wear more sunscreen, that the skin cancer rate has actually gone up. Coincidence?

Do not try to reinvent the boring grilled cheese sandwich by putting it on a metal fork and calling it a shish-ka-bob. Ouch.

Do not tell your friend that you burned yourself on a Pop-tart. She will not believe you. Even though it is totally true.

Don’t match your socks. When people ask why, say “why should they match?” This rule is only for me. It wouldn’t be special if everyone else did it:)

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Fried Squirrel, anyone?

Posted on August 30, 2011 by funnygurl2

Last week we covered how I wrote (a lot!) in high school. I could not resist sharing a piece or two here for your enjoyment. These two particular poems are about a day that the power went out at school because a squirrel got caught in the transformer (it happened A LOT more often than you might think). They are meant to be read like a Dr. Seuss book. I personally think the second is better than the first, but that is just me. Bear in mind that when I read the second poem to my English teacher Mr. Clark, he just shook his head. I would also like to take this opportunity to thank Mr. Clark for teaching me that “a lot” are two words and not one:) Now, without further ado:

The Ballad of the Fried Squirrel
(A.K.A.-The day the lights went out in Blissfield)
4/14/94
In the little old town that had much Bliss
Was a little squirrel who liked to growl & hiss
This mean old squirrel was like no other
He was big & tough & vowed not to be electrocuted–
like his mother.
All the other bushytails in the town were wusses
kept gettin’ electrocuted by running on transformers–
escaping from …cats
Now this mean old squirrel was named Snicker-doodle
And one fateful day he got chased by a poodle
Cornered, that squirrel did done get
And that poodle would not him down let
So, with one giant last leap went Snicker
With no regard for what those volts would do to his ticker
But in the air, as he fell to death & that massive shock,
His fate sealed with a big pad lock,
He chirped in a low squirrel hiss
“Don’t let the kids go home”–that was his dying wish
And, of course, Principal Dave heard it exactly
And last wishes must always be followed promptly
So the town was left without power
For darn near two hours
And all the good little students moaned & groaned
“We just want to go home!”
And so like always, the power came back on
But the legend of that miserable squirrel lives on.

The Legend Lives On
4/14/94
Now the children in that town of Bliss
Where still talking the day after about that
squirrel’s last hiss
That legendary squirrel called Snicker-doodle
That was found by the lunch ladies to taste
very good with noodles
Them hairnets found, that snicker ground
Made a nice little edible burrito meat mound
Now, I’ve got to say how sad I was for those poor
unsuspecting kids
Not even guessing what was about
to stick to their ribs
Squirrel is quite prevelant in the month of May
But fried Snicker-doodle is not approved by the USDA
When the students walked into the lunchroom
They all wanted to know what smelled like an old broom
“Nothing but the usual” the ladies replied back
And the kids dug in, thinking it was just the usual…
bad food
But soon them youngins were writhing in their seats
Darn, done poisoned by that evil rancid meat
Now, as you might guess, the chunks blew for days
Causing a stenchy, food-poisoning haze
There were long, heaving lines for the johns
As the legend of that miserable squirrel lives on

Yes, I know. They are genius. Maybe someday soon I will share my song “mutilation” with you:)

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Shoulda been a writer.

Posted on August 23, 2011 by funnygurl2

As I am in the middle of job hunting, networking, perfecting my resume, a very dear former co-worker of mine complimented my writing skills on a Linkedin recommendation I wrote for another former collegue. She had no idea (well, maybe a little idea) that I have all these creative juices that can, at times, flow all over the place (In the words of Summer Roberts on The O.C. “Ew.).

I liked writing in school. Out of gym, math, and science, it was the least henious. My asbestos friend (I’ll explain it someday, promise) and I used to skip lunch in high school to go to the computer lab and work on personal stories. It seemed like a much more pleasant experience to escape into my creative dreamland than to negotiate the impending embaressment that is the high school lunch room.

I think I always thought I would be a writer someday. Of novels or poetry or TV scripts or newspaper articles. When I got my first grown-up job, I shelled out big bucks to buy a word processor (I know, lame. Even lamer, it was the year 2000!). I sat down one uneventful evening to begin my career as a writer. Then I realized it was work like everything else. That night is sort of when I let my writing dream die. But then…

THE BLOG WAS BORN!!!

The Internet created these things called blogs, where you didn’t have to have someone else “publish” your thoughts–you could just puke them out of yourself for your closest friends to read! Of course, the disadvantage is no marketing support and no paycheck for them. That is why I need everyone who reads this blog to send it to one other person, and so on. So that someday my words might support me afterall. Getting paid just to be me wouldn’t really be work at all.

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