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My Life Rules – Part 1

No eating Taco Bell after 9pm. It has gastric consequences. Also, I might turn into a gremlin;)

Whoever drives the car should get to control the radio. Maybe my mom used that one on me as a teenager. I can’t remember.

No good deed goes unpunished.

I am on the path to my greatest good. That which is mine cannot be taken from me. From my asbestos friend, channeling Florence Scovel Shinn. Sort of like “you can’t lose what ain’t your’s.”

One I had in high school was something like “Remember you are always the ugliest person alive, ever.” As you may have guessed, that was the height of my self-esteem.

Don’t let the dogs into the backyard unleashed, without direct supervision. Sometimes you have to repeat a mistake a few times to learn from it. Like, a lot of times.

Never go to a gas station on a corner. I realize the gas station owners think it is a good idea to build them there, but it is just too hard to get in and out of them. There were only like two gas stations on my whole way to work that fit that rule.

Throw out leftovers on the fourth day. This rule has always served me well. As long as I can remember what day I made the food on:P

Am I starting to sound like that “Always Wear Sunscreen” song Baz Luhrmann put together? Well, you won’t hear me recommending that. I believe sunscreen actually causes skin cancer. Think about it. Putting chemicals on your highly porous skin just does not sound like a good idea to me. Maybe it is a secret plot by the medical community to drum up more business. I just heard on a very trustworthy, hard-hitting network news show (I think it was Sunday Morning with Charles Osgood) the other day that since people have started to wear more sunscreen, that the skin cancer rate has actually gone up. Coincidence?

Do not try to reinvent the boring grilled cheese sandwich by putting it on a metal fork and calling it a shish-ka-bob. Ouch.

Do not tell your friend that you burned yourself on a Pop-tart. She will not believe you. Even though it is totally true.

Don’t match your socks. When people ask why, say “why should they match?” This rule is only for me. It wouldn’t be special if everyone else did it:)

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