When I was younger, I experimented with make-up like every other girl. I started with the blue eye shadow and the red lipstick and the pink blush. I am sure it was horrible. At some point I had enough zits that I started using foundation and concealer (are those the right terms?) to cover them. At one point, I had a great orange palette going on–orange eye shadow, blush, and lipstick. It was 90210 brand lipstick:) It sounds bad now, but it was 1989 and I was in middle school. It was acceptable then, I swear. Well, to me anyway.
I really wanted to find a picture of 90210 make-up products. You will have to settle for this orange-faced chick instead. Pretend this is what I looked like in middle school.
And the reason I don’t wear make-up: a snotty girl in my class at school. I would love to post her name here, but it is so silly, no one would believe that is really her name. And I won’t give her the satisfaction of putting her name in print. Let’s just call her Tori Crapshooter. (Except her real name is even sillier.)
In Gym class one day (the inner circle of the hell that is middle school), Tori came up to me and asked me who did my make-up. How the hell is one supposed to reply to that? So, of course, I said, “me.” She was like “oh”, and that was the end of it. I don’t really think I have worn much make-up since, except maybe some eyeliner and lipstick when going to a concert or for Halloween or to a concert on Halloween (I did that once. I saw Good Charlotte in Toledo and I stood behind Wayne and Garth from Wayne’s World).
I wish I would have said “None of your business.” or “Who does yours?” or “Yo Mama.” But I didn’t. I was meek. Much meeker then than I am now. Standing in my “cool guys are the coolest” T-shirt and shorts in the gym. My legs so white that all my veins hung out for the world to see under the harsh, buzzing lights. Tori was a bitch, and I knew it. But for some reason I took her question to heart. And committed it memory. She probably doesn’t remember me or that question or that day in gym class.
Maybe she did me a favor that day. Think of all the money I have saved over the years by not wearing make-up. All the extra time I get to sleep-in in the mornings. All the time I am not spending at the store trying to find the right shade of something. What I really should have done was use my words to make her feel as small as she made me. I could have made fun of her white girl afro. Or I could have pointed out how dumb her name was.
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Jem is awesome. It is a cartoon rock’n’roll soap opera from the late 80’s. It has everything a pre-teen girl in the 80’s could have wanted: glamor, glitter, fashion, fame, exciting adventure, a boyfriend with purple hair and eyes to match. *sigh*
I remember I used to come home from school and watch Jem. A lot of days I would go over to my asbestos friend’s house to watch it with her. Although she was always grounded and not allowed to watch TV afterschool or have me over. (Her mother thought I was a bad influence. Maybe she is right. I did get my asbestos friend into blogging-hehehe.) I remember one time when her family’s floor model TV was dying. The whole picture showed up in one tiny strip across the center of the TV, maybe only two or three inches vertically. But we watched Jem on the distorted TV anyway.
Jem and Hannah Montana have a little in common. Both are series about pop stars with secret identities. Miley Stewart is to Hannah Montana as Jerrica Benton is to Jem. Jerrica turns into her rock star alter-ego Jem with the help of a hologram from super-computer Synergy. Jerrica had special earrings that allowed her to speak to Synergy whenever she needed. (By a total coincidence, I happen to own earrings that are very similar to Jem’s.) Jerrica as Jem gets her sister and foster sisters together and they start a band called Jem and The Holograms (get it?), in an effort to make money for Starlight Music which will in turn support the Starlight House, filled with foster girls. The Holograms are Aja, Shana, and Jerrica’s sister Kimber.
My “Jem-like” earrings
Every episode featured three mini music videos. Some of the songs are actually quite good. I used to tape them using my cassette recorder. Some were sung by Jem and The Holograms, some by their rival band, The Misfits. The Misfits are very bad. In many episodes, they literally are trying to kill Jem. My husband has seen bits of a few episodes and he is like “they would be so arrested for that.” But, somehow, they never are. The Misfits are made up of Pizzazz, Roxie, and Stormer. Stormer isn’t actually bad. She just has no backbone to think for herself, therefore she follows. Later, both bands would get an additional member.
All the Holograms know about Synergy and that Jerrica and Jem are one in the same. Too bad Jerrica’s boyfriend Rio doesn’t know. He is the long suffering Starlight House maintenance man, Hologram’s roadie, engineer, bodyguard, and Jem’s personal guardian angel. He doesn’t get paid enough. He deserves better. Rio is supposed to be Jerrica’s boyfriend, but then Jerrica as Jem is always hanging all over Rio, confusing him. Rio looks pretty much exactly like a Ken doll, but with purple hair. But it suits him. I am rewatching episodes on streaming Netflix now, and I do not think Jerrica ever tells him the truth about Jem. What a bitch.
Rio with Jerrica
I really liked in the third season when the writers added a third band. They were called “The Stingers” (bad name). They feature a male lead singer named Riot, along with rocker chicks named Minx and Rapture. It was nice to have more testosterone on the show, along with Rio and evil Misfit manager Eric Raymond, to balance out all the girl power. And it was nice to have some songs sung by a guy. Of course, Riot created love triangle with Rio and Jem. If you count Jerrica, that makes it a love square. The Stingers definitely were not good, but they weren’t always evil either like the Misfits. They sort of just played every situation to their advantage. Jerrica was such a goody-goody. Boring. Always keeping everything organized. Jem enjoyed the spotlight and let herself get swept away sometimes.
This was one of the cartoons of the 80s that Hasbro used to sell toys (Transformer, anyone?). I never bought any Jem dolls. Now I sort of wish I had. Although I remember them as not really looking like the cartoon characters that much. But that was the amazing thing. Although the writer, Christy Marx, was told to make a cartoon to sell a toy, she went way beyond that. She created Starlight Music, Starlight House, and all the various relationships between the interweaving characters. Even the Starlight Girls had a bit of screen-time and well-developed personalities and some back story. I am saying don’t dispell this as just a dumb fluffy cartoon. It has real heart and stories. (Just don’t keep count of how many times Rio has to rescue Jem from an avalanche;)
The fashions on the cartoon are so…80’s. I think the only way to really know what that means is to have lived through it. Stripes, polka-dots, ruffles, bows. Big, colorful hair. You name it. All on the same outfit. On the same person. The makeup is also crazy. Just random streaks of makeup across their cheeks, like little kids would do to dress up like an Indian for Halloween.
I liked how everyone’s nickname told their profession. Video made the videos. Danse danced in them. Techrat knew technology and had the personality of a rat.
How Synergy could create holograms around the world, I will never understand. Or how no one realized Jerrica & Jem were the same person. Apparently changing your hair from blond to pink is the equivalent of Superman removing his eye glasses. I mean, both women hung out with all the same friends. You would think that would be easy to figure out. Maybe Jerrica wasn’t a bitch, maybe Rio was just really dense. He also should have dumped Jerrica for never putting out.
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Life is a vicious circle. This can be demonstrated graphically.
This a doodle I created in middle school. It is based on evil Fry Guys (you know, from McDonald’s? Used to hang out with Ronald McDonald before he tried to be healthy).
From my personal collection.
It is a doodle with a deep meaning. This would probably make an awesome collage using yarn. I should make it sometime. Except my blog takes up most of my spare time. Am I rambling now? You know, doodles are just rambling thoughts that come out of your fingers instead of your mouth.
OK. I think I am done now.
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When I was growing up, I lived within walking distance of a pharmacy. I would go there to buy candy. I would go there to buy poster board for school projects. I would go there to buy my mom Christmas stocking stuffers. I would go there for something to do. When I was a little older, I went there with my asbestos friend to look at the teen magazines, which once in a while we actually purchased. You would think they would have been grateful for my business. No. Instead they watched me like a hawk every time I was in the store, apparently expecting me to steal something.
[NOTE: Now, I know you are thinking, “A whole blog post about a stuffed giraffe? Really?” But if you hang in until the end, it has sort of a nice ending.]
The pharmacy had one corner of the store with gifty items. Figurines. Stuffed animals. And the largest stuffed giraffe I had ever seen in my life. I used to hug his neck every time I went in. I dreamed of taking him home with me. He was for sale, but I think his purpose in the store was more to draw the children over to that area. Which he did very well. I remember the price tag on him being $500. Someone else told me $2000. Either way, no one ever bought him.
I grew up and moved away. The pharmacy was bought by new owners and moved to a new location. I remember going in to the new pharmacy once and thinking how sterile, bare it looked. And I was sad to find there was no giraffe there.
A number of years later, after my asbestos friend had left town and moved back, she convinced me to ride on a Noah’s Ark-themed float for her church for the town festival [She is always tricking me into doing things like that. She is a bad influence.]. Anyway, I met her pastor, who was dressed up like Noah. And looked about nineteen. And his wife, who looked more like Mary looking for a manger than Noah’s wife [She was pregnant at the time].
As you may have guessed, they had animals on the float. Wood-cut outs, along with stuffed animals. The best one, if you asked me, was the stuffed giraffe. I told my asbestos friend that it reminded me of the giraffe from the pharmacy. She replied that it was the very same one. It made the eight year old in me a little excited. It rained that day and he got a little wet, but it didn’t seem to cause him too much damage.
Three years later, I was pregnant with my son. I saw a stuffed giraffe at work. I decided right then and there that my child’s room would not be complete without one. I hoped to get it for free or discounted through work, as that was a big benefit of working there. But I didn’t really want to spend the money. The giraffe work was selling was also way smaller than the one I was used to from my childhood.
When I mentioned this to my asbestos friend, as I do with all my obsessions, she told me that the pharmacy giraffe that had rode on the church float was still sitting in the church basement. It had flooded down there and he had gotten a little wet, but it didn’t seem to cause him too much damage. After a quick call, she confirmed that the previous owner no longer wanted it. But, the previous owner said it was CURSED!
From what I remember, as the story goes, the previous owner bought the giraffe at auction when the pharmacy closed for her mother. But apparently the mother said it was too big and didn’t want it. The previous owner had tried to get rid of the giraffe several times. But, apparently, every time someone tried to take him out of the Blissfield village limits, they would experience car trouble, or some other kind of incident.
I took my chances with the curse and hauled him home. Not a single terrible fate befell me. That tells me it was fate. I was destined to own him.
Once I got him home, that was not the end of the story. Do you remember how I said I used to always go in to the pharmacy and hug his neck? Well, I was not the only one. And it appeared that most people chose to rub his nose, because there was not much left of it. It was time for another one of my unusual sewing projects (ex. Werecart). I spent a Sunday very carefully reconstructing his nose, knowing that if I screwed it up I would be destroying a cherished part of Blissfield history of my generation. Even with all that pressure, it came out quite good.
Before
After
I truly believe the Law of Attraction is how the giraffe came into my possession. I wanted him so badly back then and truly believed he should be mine that it became reality. I can no longer ever deny The Secret of the Law of Attraction. Of course, once I put a bed and a crib and shelf and a dresser in my son’s room, it because clear that there was no room for a giraffe as well. So, he happily hangs out in my dining room for now. And maybe the old ladies at the pharmacy knew something I didn’t. I do have something from that store that I didn’t pay for after all:)
The End
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Growing up, I was the only child of a single parent. I was creative with a very good imagination. So naturally, I always imagined having a large family. The earliest imaginary family I can remember, I had six sisters (Brady Bunch influence?) and one brother named Hellmann (Yup, like the mayonnaise). All the girls lived in the attic together (Boy, would that be totally NOT fun in real life!). Hellmann would come up and run through the room very fast and we would all spin around and our belongings would fly every which way (Yes, just like in a cartoon) and we would all yell “Hellmann!”
There were various other imaginary families after that. But once Punky Brewster debuted on NBC, it was important that I somehow work her into all my imaginary adventures. (In case it isn’t clear, I viewed myself to be Punky:) So, here is the Brewster family I created. There were so many kids with so many names, I had to make a cheat sheet family photo. Then, because I lived to draw, I made many, many family photos. I think part of it may have been to see if I could draw the same people over and over to look the same each time, like Charles Schulz did with his characters. All these pictures have just been sitting in my file cabinet for like 28 years (Yes, I save everything). In the real world, my mom is a hermit and not big on keeping in touch with family. That means, at a point in time, I knew more about these imaginary people than I have ever known about some relatively close member of my own real family.
Family Photo with names and ages.
House Floor Plan. Wow, 4 bathrooms! Must be David & Sheri got married if they started sharing a bedroom!
So, here are some pictures of my fake family. I drew them when I was young. Yes, some of the names are badly misspelled. The fashions are very 80’s. You probably can’t tell from the scan, but from the info on their T-shirts, the family seems to live in Greenville. Greenville: where families have a mom and a dad, older brothers have a nice, pretty girlfriend, younger brothers are always covered in mud, people have look-alike cousins, newborn babies eat cookies, ponytails are sideways, both grandma and grandpa are alive, and houses have four bathrooms. The burning question that remains in my mind, looking back on these pictures so many years later—why the fuck didn’t this family have a dog?!!
Oldest brother David’s girlfriend Sheri. Notice how she signed AND kissed the picture;)
Newborn picture of youngest sister “Mealisa”. I even did this picture on an index card, so that it would look smaller, like a real picture. Notice she is holding a rattle AND a cookie.
Petrisa “Punky” (me), look-alike Cousin Ann (equals twice the fun), and friend Prisilla
Older sister Julie going to a dance. Awesome 80’s fashion. Truly outrageous.
With Grandparents
Dad macking on the oldest son’s girlfriend. More awesome fashion.
Family at the hospital for birth of Mealisa.
One more. This picture is incomplete, but I felt it necessary to show that imaginary Mom could get dressed up and look damn good:)
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