Category Archives: A day in the life

Support for “Mom Jeans”

Posted on April 11, 2012 by funnygurl2

I support Mom Jeans. I have since before they were called Mom Jeans. Everyone agrees that male youth look stupid wearing jeans so large they have to hold them up to walk down the sidewalk (except, apparently, male youth). So how come no one can see that girls wearing jeans that show off their butt crack is stupid and repulsive?

I own a few low-rise jeans because there wasn’t any other style available to buy at the time. I want my jeans to be comfortable. If the waist is pushing in on the middle of my gut, that is neither comfortable nor attractive. I don’t find the draft between the low rise jeans and the high rise shirts comfortable either. And we all know no matter how tiny your underwear is and how often you tug up the back of your jeans, you are always showing underwear and/or butt crack. I guess young girls like that look to attract guys. Let me tell you, guys attracted by that are not quality guys.

I just went to shop for some new jeans because my favorite old pair is sprouting holes. What were the main things I looked for when searching for a new pair?

CHEAP: I’m unemployed. And I don’t believe in spending a lot on clothes. They are all the same shitty quality and made in foreign lands, no matter how much you pay.

PETITE: I am sick of walking on my too-long pant legs when I run around the house in my socks.

HIGH WAIST: I don’t want my underwear showing and I don’t want a backdraft.

SMALLER SIZE: Since I had a baby, all my jeans are too big. I bought a belt to hold them up. The belt is also too big. I want to be able to play with my toddler on the floor at library playtime without my pants feeling like they are going to fall off.

STRAIGHT LEG: I am a traditionalist.

What did I NOT look for when shopping for jeans?

Designer labels
Ultra-low rise
Flare leg

I have been waiting for like 10 years for the “fashion industry” to come to their senses and at least sell high-rise and low-rise jeans next to each other on the shelves. After all, as much as you think your grandma is out of fashion, do you really want her to come visit in low-rise jeans? With her Depends sticking over the top? I think not.

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Happy 1st Birthday I’m not stalking you.

Posted on April 8, 2012 by funnygurl2

I can’t believe I have had my own personal blog for a year now. I dreamed I would have more followers by now, but I have more followers than I really thought I would have. So why hasn’t anyone offered me a million dollars and a book deal yet? Hmmm. Must be the public at large doesn’t find my posts about Punky Brewster, Mom rants, and my dogs interesting enough to follow me. You know what? I am not going to write about better topics, so for all of you who follow this blog, YOU ARE SCREWED!:)

In the last year, I lost my job, job-hunted furiously, supported my husband as he changed careers, and sat with my son through the same major surgery–twice. I feel like 2012 will hold better things for my family this year. I HAVE to tell myself that.

I am glad I have my blog, because I hope that it keeps my writing skills from getting too rusty. On my resume, I do tout my great writing and proof-reading skills. Plus, at my core, I consider myself a creative person. My asbestos friend has found an outlet for her creativity by making clothes for her kids and painting vacation bible school sets. My sister-in-law has found hers by sewing felt toys for craft shows and making Ugly Bird (Oh, I mean Angry Bird) cupcakes for her son’s birthday party. Besides, making a Werecart and Christmas stockings, all I really have is this blog.

Made by my SIL. Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me...


I get more joy out of brainstorming, planning, writing, and publishing this blog than I did from the last three years I was at my job. It makes me feel free, like when I was younger and used to write stories, just because I could. It makes me feel creative, because I can add links, formatting, and pictures to tell my story in the best way. It also makes me feel organized, as I have to pick which posts are timeliest and when they should be posted. I guess that means, in the end, it only matters that I write my blog, and not who may or may not read it.

I’m not stalking you. is NOW ON FACEBOOK! “Like” that I’m not stalking you and get an update when there is a new post to read. (It is sort of like YOU are stalking ME.)

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The Werecart

Posted on April 4, 2012 by funnygurl2

A golf cart Halloween decorating contest. Sounds crazy, right? What if it wasn’t even held in October.

…and that is how the Werecart was born.

The Werecart


My Mother-in-Law has camped for years at a nearby campground. My husband and I would go out occasionally throughout the summer to spend time with her and just relax. She has a camper that she leaves parked there year round. Almost everyone there has a golf cart to speed around the dusty campground on. Riding on the golf cart and watching a campfire are the big entertainment there. And that is what makes it relaxing.

The campground closes in mid-October every year. Fear not, the children still get to celebrate Halloween. They usually hold a Halloween celebration during the summer. (Note: You can’t necessarily just use your costume from last year. A Halloween costume for October in Michigan needs to be warm. In the summer, it does not.) One year the campground announced a golf cart costume contest. It sounded completely insane. And that is how I knew I had to enter.

I pitched my idea to my MIL. She was open to anything I wanted to do. My husband and I made a quick weekday trip to the campground, so that I could take measurements. The campground is very deserted during the week. To measure the angle of the front of the golf cart (very critical to my design), I just folded a piece of paper. I am sure my Geometry and Trigonometry teacher would be very disappointed in me. I only had a week to complete my crazy project. I had to go the next day to JoAnn Etc. and buy a lot of fur. Fur ain’t cheap. Then I laid on my dining room floor for a week, trying to measure my limited amount of fur correctly. The fur was flying. I believe there were a certain amount of frustrated tears. By Saturday, there was more black fur on my floor from my project than from my two actual dogs.

Notice the blood on the fangs!


My husband and I drove out to the campground. It was a rainy, dreary day. I worried whether the pieces would fit properly. I also worried whether the weather would damage the fur. You never want a werewolf to be mistaken for a drowned rat.

It turned out everything fit fine and it was as cute as Hell. It even proved very durable when we test drove it around the campground’s gravel road and over potholes. But due to the rain, the Halloween festivities were delayed till the following weekend. This was a potentially devastating development for us, as now our competition had seen what we were bringing to the table.

My asbestos friend's daughter isn't afraid

Neither is my nephew


The next weekend we saddled up the Werecart again. Strange circumstance number one was that the judging for the golf cart contest was taking place after dark. It is hard to see details, or anything, that way. I had brought a tape player so that the Werecart could even growl while being judged. The winner would get a cash prize. I planned to split it with my MIL, and use my half to recoup materials costs and to buy a weather radio (which I desperately wanted). Strange circumstance number two: I believe the cart that won was just a big box over the top of it, with some windows cut out that had flashing lights and smoke coming out of them. But I have to admit, I don’t really remember who won. I was too busy being mad that we did not. My MIL felt robbed as well. We believe that the judges gave preferential treatment to their friends. We got a $10 prize for honorable mention, I think. I let MIL keep it for bingo money the next day.

The next year there was another cart costume contest. The Werecart emerged from his den to stalk the day. But, when it came time for the contest, he was gone. He doesn’t put himself up for rejection twice. The Werecart knows it rocks. ‘Nuf said.

The End.


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My Fears-Part 2

Posted on March 29, 2012 by funnygurl2

(In case you missed it, here is the link to My Fears-Part 1 https://imnotstalkingyou.com/2012/03/27/my-fears-part-1)

When I moved into my current house, I discovered my extreme fear of bats. My house is over 100 years old. As the bat removal guy said, my house looks very nice from the curb. But when you look closely, there were all sorts of nooks and crannies for those filthy vermin to live in. We had multiple bat appearances. The final straw was when two bats were in my house during the first week my husband moved to third shift, hence not home to rid the house of them for me. So, we called the bat removal guy. It cost a fortune, but the barriers have held, except for one time we had an unwelcome visitor. The bat guy came back and patched up the spot that birds had pecked open. I find my piece of mind totally worth the money we spent. But I was too cheap to have the bat shit cleaned out of my walls. Extra insulation, right?

My other big fear is one probably very common to people across the country at this moment. I have a fear of not being financially secure. My family was in a better place than most when my husband and I started losing our jobs last year. (Of course, we are in a state that has been in a recession longer than the rest of the country. Which sucks.) Our credit cards and cars were paid off and we had some savings. But my son’s medical bills have eaten away at our savings. We should still be OK for the near future, but one major medical procedure and it could all be gone. And I find myself unable to get a job at the moment, because I need to be able to have open availability to take my son to specialist appointments and spend the night with him in the hospital if necessary. We don’t really need any financial/government assistance (other than unemployment) yet, but I believe it could be coming soon.

So, I try not to live my life in fear anymore. A few years ago, two friends of mine tried to open me up to the law of attraction, or the power of positive thinking. I was very resistant. But I gradually found it was easier to get out of bed and leave the house every day if I expected good things instead of bad. I tried to read the book “The Secret”, but it was very repetitious. I did better with “The Secret” desk calendar, which broke the book into small paragraph tidbits of information.

It is in this mindset that I decided to get pregnant with my son. If I had expected the worst, I could not have brought him into this world. This mindset is what helps me deal with his kidney issue that we are still waiting to hear if it has been completely resolved.

I’m not stalking you. is NOW ON FACEBOOK! “Like” that I’m not stalking you and get an update when there is a new post to read. (It is sort of like YOU are stalking ME.)

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My Fears-Part 1

Posted on March 27, 2012 by funnygurl2

I lived the first thirty years of my life in fear. In fear of many, many things. Things that were justified and things that weren’t. I worried that if I went to school, the other kids would pick on me. Which, if it was middle school, they totally did. I worried if I didn’t finish a school project, I would die. That never happened. Of course, I don’t think I ever tested that by leaving one unfinished either.

As long as I can remember, I have had a fear of touching my eye. As much as I hate the glasses I have to wear every day, I know that I would not ever be able to wear contact lenses and put them into my eyes. I have trouble keeping my eyes open at the eye doctor to have the glaucoma air-puff test or for the eye drops to dilate my eyes. So much so that the last few eye doctors did not even want to do those tests on me. (VISION INSURANCE COMPANIES: Take note.)

When I was in elementary school, I could see the front door from my bed. I would lie in bed at night and just watch the door, expecting the door knob to jingle and open at any second. I kept expecting robbers to come in and get me. I had the same fear and bed/door set-up in my first apartment. I am glad to say that the more doors there are between me and the front door, the less that fear becomes.

While in my first (and only) apartment, I realized I have a fear of exhaust fans, like the kind that are usually square and found on bathroom ceilings. The exhaust fan in my apartment would try to fall out of the ceiling on occasion. I guess it had wires, so it probably would never have fallen out all the way. But I was afraid it would fall on me and chop my head off or something. So I would tape up all four corners with masking tape. I figured it would be easily removable when I moved out. But masking tape doesn’t hold very well, especially in a damp, steamy environment. I lived there for five years. That’s a lot of tape and worry. On vacations, I somehow always end up in the hotel room with the bathroom exhaust fan hanging askew from the ceiling. My fear returns. I am lucky in my current home that the exhaust fan is on the wall, rather than the ceiling. Unconventional, but it works for me. Especially since it is now fixed and all the steam now goes outside instead of into the basement as it did when we first moved in.

I will save my other biggest fears for the next post. I will also tell you how I have tried to stop these rational and irrational fears from ruining my life.

Here is My Fears-Part 2 https://imnotstalkingyou.com/2012/03/29/my-fears-part-2/

I’m not stalking you. is NOW ON FACEBOOK! “Like” that I’m not stalking you and get an update when there is a new post to read. (It is sort of like YOU are stalking ME.)

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