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Support for “Mom Jeans”

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I support Mom Jeans. I have since before they were called Mom Jeans. Everyone agrees that male youth look stupid wearing jeans so large they have to hold them up to walk down the sidewalk (except, apparently, male youth). So how come no one can see that girls wearing jeans that show off their butt crack is stupid and repulsive?

I own a few low-rise jeans because there wasn’t any other style available to buy at the time. I want my jeans to be comfortable. If the waist is pushing in on the middle of my gut, that is neither comfortable nor attractive. I don’t find the draft between the low rise jeans and the high rise shirts comfortable either. And we all know no matter how tiny your underwear is and how often you tug up the back of your jeans, you are always showing underwear and/or butt crack. I guess young girls like that look to attract guys. Let me tell you, guys attracted by that are not quality guys.

I just went to shop for some new jeans because my favorite old pair is sprouting holes. What were the main things I looked for when searching for a new pair?

CHEAP: I’m unemployed. And I don’t believe in spending a lot on clothes. They are all the same shitty quality and made in foreign lands, no matter how much you pay.

PETITE: I am sick of walking on my too-long pant legs when I run around the house in my socks.

HIGH WAIST: I don’t want my underwear showing and I don’t want a backdraft.

SMALLER SIZE: Since I had a baby, all my jeans are too big. I bought a belt to hold them up. The belt is also too big. I want to be able to play with my toddler on the floor at library playtime without my pants feeling like they are going to fall off.

STRAIGHT LEG: I am a traditionalist.

What did I NOT look for when shopping for jeans?

Designer labels
Ultra-low rise
Flare leg

I have been waiting for like 10 years for the “fashion industry” to come to their senses and at least sell high-rise and low-rise jeans next to each other on the shelves. After all, as much as you think your grandma is out of fashion, do you really want her to come visit in low-rise jeans? With her Depends sticking over the top? I think not.

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