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What I Learned This Week – 10/23/16

This week I learned that for all those odors that just won’t come out of your laundry, you need baking soda.

Arm  & Hammer Baking Soda

Arm & Hammer Baking Soda

I know, you are confused. Yes, we wash our clothes and blankets. Yes, we use detergent. But some odors are more resistant to soap than others. And for those, you need baking soda.

My son is potty-trained in the daytime. But, well, not so much at night. I was having him sleep in Pull-Ups (the nighttime kind with extra absorbency, because he doesn’t just have a little leak…). But then I was afraid that maybe he couldn’t feel that he was wet or that maybe it was hampering his development in this area. We tried for a while with no Pull-Ups. And we were greeted with about a 40% success rate. That means a lot of sheets got washed. And pajamas.

We use Unscented Tide, I’m not sure why, and so there is no perfume to drown out any residual smells. We haven’t had fabric softener or dryer sheets in the house lately either. So the sheets would still smell a bit like pee, even after the washer and the dryer.

An even longer existing problem is the scent of our comforter on our bed. I wash it at the end of the year, but it still smells like the dog(s) who lay on it. I started drying it with dryer sheets. Still smells like dog. I packed it away in a garbage bag for the winter with two dryer sheets. As soon as I bust it open in the fall—yup, you guessed it, DOG. I LOVE my dog, but really desired my comforter to not smell like them after I had spent $5 at the laundromat to remove it.

Dave sleeping on the freshly-laundered comforter...with a gun to her head.

Dave sleeping on the freshly-laundered comforter…with a gun to her head.

Then I realized there was a big box of Arm &  Hammer baking soda on the shelf in my laundry room above my dryer. I faintly remembered that my husband used it when he washed his work clothes. I had only ever really used it for baking, but baking soda is always touted for removing odors, so what could it hurt?

I put the recommended cup of baking soda into my washer with the sheets and the liquid detergent.

And you will never guess what happened…

The sheets smelled like…

Absolutely nothing.

It was great!

So, then I tried my usual routine with the comforter, except with about a cup and a half of baking soda.

And you will never guess what happened…

The comforter smelled like…

Dryer sheets! Because I dried it with two of them. But absolutely no dog odor!

That is, until I brought it home and the dog laid on it again.

So, this is my Public Service Announcement for the year. Hope you found it helpful and appreciated it.

Follow the romantic entanglements of The Riley Sisters in my books:
Be Careful What You Wish ForAVAILABLE NOW!
The Wind Could Blow a BugWHERE IT ALL BEGAN!

Sh*t My Mom Says

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My mom is rude to me. Like, all the time. And I can’t call her on it or tell her to stop because then she will be like “I can’t say anything to you. You always take it the wrong way.” and start crying. I am the only frickin’ family she has and her primary mode of transportation. You would think she could be just a little nicer to me.

My mother is the most negative person I have ever met. She also has a very powerful law of attraction. In 2006, she was diagnosed with stage four kidney cancer and told she had two months to live. She had the kidney removed, had virtually no treatment, and is still here cancer free today. I believe she only survived because she wanted to be alive longer so she could continue to find things to be miserable about.

When my husband asks me what she says to get me so mad and fired up, I usually can’t remember. But with texting, it is much easier to have examples handy. (I taught my mom to text so that I could talk to her on the phone for shorter periods of time and less frequently.)

Whoops…I think my blog might have just turned into therapy.

Examples from Texts

MOM: Warn me if you are going to find religion.

MOM: Since you haven’t bothered to call me back I have to assume you don’t give a shit that I fell on the hard floor in a public place humiliating & hurting myself. 8:09PM
ME: I couldn’t get your voicemail until 8pm & you told me you were fine. 8:10PM
MOM: I believe I said I survived not that I was fine. It scared the crap out of me. I shook much for 5 min after & lightly thereafter. I hurt & did laundry. 8:17PM

MOM: Do you want to watch Columbo? 3:00PM
ME: No. 3:21PM
MOM: I take offense that everything I like you automatically reject. Everything 3:41PM
ME: I like Scott Hamilton. 3:42PM

MOM: Maybe before the end of Feb we could go in am to Martins & then have lunch. We might even do Bobs. Dutch of course. What think? 5:24PM
ME: It will probably have to be after J gets his truck fixed. Not sure when that will be. 5:26PM
MOM: Didn’t know it was sick. What minimum $400 part does it need? 5:30PM
ME: Not sure. 7:30PM
MOM: So J goes to work with the only working vehicle & you are home all day with the baby & can’t go anywhere. Welcome to the life of a 50’s housewife. Ha. 8:58PM
ME: I have nowhere to go anyway. 9:16PM
MOM: Depressing isn’t it? 9:19PM
ME: No it’s nice 7:07AM
MOM: Don’t start giving Tupperware parties 9:34PM
ME: I can do whatever the fuck I want to do. 7:07AM

I’m not stalking you. is NOW ON FACEBOOK! “Like” that I’m not stalking you and get an update when there is a new post to read. (It is sort of like YOU are stalking ME.)

I think my mom secretly loves doing laundry.

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My mom is crazy. Right now she is hoarding incandescent light bulbs because she thinks they aren’t going to make them anymore. She could be right, but it still makes her sound crazy.

Usually what makes her sound the most crazy is laundry. I guess I don’t really mean crazy. Usually I use the word “particular”. She would use “obsessive-compulsive”. The woman lives by herself & somehow has like 6 loads of laundry a week–minimum. Her laundry has to be done in a certain way. She thinks she is allergic to fabric softner*, so she has to have a minimum of 3 rinses (ex. 1st rinse add detergent, 2nd rinse add fabric softner, 3rd rinse rinse out fabric softner). She prefers 4 rinses altogther. So much so, that when she PAYS to do her laundry in the laundry room in her apartment buildilng, she runs the machine twice. You read that right. Twice as many quarters. Last time I knew she also liked to use almost a full bottle of detergent per load, instead of the capful most of us would use. I cannot confirm nor deny if this is still her practice. Also expensive. Then she has to dry her underwear separate from the towels, because she doesn’t want to get the elastic on her underwear too hot so that it gets ruined. I think the woman is totally parnoid about her underwear. When the fire alarm goes off in her building, her #1 fear is that she will lose all her underwear. I will save the conversation about how hard it is for her to find underwear to purchase some other day. So, two sepearate dryers=more money.

Do you see why I am not sympathetic when she complains she has no money?

*”Why doesn’t she just stop using fabric softner, you ask?” I’ve asked that question a hundred times. I can’t remember her answer because I have her on “auto-tune” out. And any time you try to reason with her, she comes up with some 20 minute explanation that, because I am her kid, actually makes sense to me because I have insight into how her brain works. Or doesn’t.

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