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I think my mom secretly loves doing laundry.

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My mom is crazy. Right now she is hoarding incandescent light bulbs because she thinks they aren’t going to make them anymore. She could be right, but it still makes her sound crazy.

Usually what makes her sound the most crazy is laundry. I guess I don’t really mean crazy. Usually I use the word “particular”. She would use “obsessive-compulsive”. The woman lives by herself & somehow has like 6 loads of laundry a week–minimum. Her laundry has to be done in a certain way. She thinks she is allergic to fabric softner*, so she has to have a minimum of 3 rinses (ex. 1st rinse add detergent, 2nd rinse add fabric softner, 3rd rinse rinse out fabric softner). She prefers 4 rinses altogther. So much so, that when she PAYS to do her laundry in the laundry room in her apartment buildilng, she runs the machine twice. You read that right. Twice as many quarters. Last time I knew she also liked to use almost a full bottle of detergent per load, instead of the capful most of us would use. I cannot confirm nor deny if this is still her practice. Also expensive. Then she has to dry her underwear separate from the towels, because she doesn’t want to get the elastic on her underwear too hot so that it gets ruined. I think the woman is totally parnoid about her underwear. When the fire alarm goes off in her building, her #1 fear is that she will lose all her underwear. I will save the conversation about how hard it is for her to find underwear to purchase some other day. So, two sepearate dryers=more money.

Do you see why I am not sympathetic when she complains she has no money?

*”Why doesn’t she just stop using fabric softner, you ask?” I’ve asked that question a hundred times. I can’t remember her answer because I have her on “auto-tune” out. And any time you try to reason with her, she comes up with some 20 minute explanation that, because I am her kid, actually makes sense to me because I have insight into how her brain works. Or doesn’t.

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