Category Archives: Childhood Reminiscing

Squirrels Cannot Be Trusted

Posted on May 22, 2012 by funnygurl2

Doesn’t this totally look like a pot-smoking squirrel, using his nut as a bong?


I hate squirrels. I see them as worthless vermin. Some people feed them and think they are cute. Not me. Some people buy greeting cards with pictures of squirrels on them. I use those cards as a dart board.

My distrust stems from an encounter I had with a squirrel when I was young, a preschooler. Apparently someone in the small town I lived in had raised a squirrel from when it was a baby. Hence, eradicating it’s natural fear of humans. But it grew up and they released it into the wild. Now, I refer to this as half-tamed. Apparently the squirrel had attacked a girl down the street. But no one tried to catch it.

Then one day my mom and I were sitting on our front porch, minding our own business. She was reading a letter from her friend in California. Luckily for me, they wrote each other thick letters. The half-tame squirrel ran up and attacked me. I don’t really remember it, I remember my mom telling me about it. (I probably blocked it out of my memory for continued sanity.) He scratched and bit me. My mom beat him off with the letter.

Our next door neighbor was an RN, so she fixed up my wounds. My mom rented a live trap from the DNR and finally caught the thing and they hauled it off. I have hated squirrels ever since. Which, is like, over 30 years. I am good at holding a grudge.

One time I was taking a walk at work with my green-haired co-worker while we were on break. We saw a squirrel and she threw a stick at it. The stick hit close to it, bounced, and the squirrel ran—in the direction that the stick bounced. Hence, the stick totally hit him right in the head. The funniest damn thing I have ever seen! I wish we had taped it for YouTube.

In my current house, we have a big old maple tree in the backyard that the squirrels love to live in. If we were in the country, I would shoot them with a gun. The squirrels drive my German Shorthair Pointer nuts. They sit in the tree and “bark” at my dog. Sometimes they sit up there and scratch themselves. I just know they are flicking their fleas and lice down at me. Yuck. Filthy, gross beasts. The worst is probably when the dogs are on the 20 foot lead. The squirrels know that. They will stay just beyond where my Pointer can reach them and taunt him.

My house if over 100 years old. Several years ago, we redid the dining room ceiling, removing the plaster. As we hit the ceiling to break up the plaster, we could hear nuts up above the lathe. In the past, those nasty animals were living IN my house. Last year one squirrel moved into our garage. It isn’t a finished and nice garage, but I still don’t want vermin in it. I would open the garage door and startle the squirrel that would scurry away, in turn startling me. Sometimes he would dive across the small distance between our house roof and the garage roof, just as I was letting dogs out, driving them crazy.

A couple months ago, I let my dogs out into the backyard and was standing around, minding my own business while the dogs tended to theirs. Just then there was a commotion and all of a sudden I had a squirrel running at me at full speed, with my Pointer just inches behind him. Parker must have smoked him out of his hiding spot by the house somewhere. I screamed and jumped, which is the natural reaction when you think a squirrel is going to jump up your leg. The squirrel, realizing I was between him and his favorite tree, made a hairpin turn and headed for the garage instead. He leaped up onto the fence gate, that is attached to the garage. He stumbled, and Parker almost got him. But no such luck. The squirrel clawed his way up the garage siding, leaving me and my dog with our hearts beating out of our chests.

When I envisioned this post six months ago, I didn’t have a good ending for it. Now I totally have great closure. The stupid squirrels would use a barrel that sat next to the garage to help them climb to the roof. I had not noticed the squirrels jumping up that way for a few months. Then our neighbor realized there was a dead animal in the barrel. Everyone thought it was a raccoon. When my husband removed the carcass, it turned out it was two dead squirrels. Wow. Mother’s Day had come early. I couldn’t have been happier. Couldn’t have happened to a nastier animal. Except maybe bats. One time we had one of those drown in a storage container in the attic. But, that’s a different topic.

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Hippie Pictures

Posted on May 17, 2012 by funnygurl2

Flower Child

My asbestos friend writes the blog lazyhippiemama about her earth-friendly adventures.

Photo of me from 1991. It was Woodstock Day during Spirit Week at school. (I wish I was still that skinny.)

But I was an earth-loving hippie before she was. I went through a “Save the Earth” phase in tenth grade. I think that is when peace signs became common jewelry and slogans like “Save the Trees” showed up on shirts. At least, the first time of my generation. I am between Gen X and Gen Y. I even got an “ours to save” logo with a little earth on my high school class ring. I was really obsessed. (And I wasn’t involved in any sports and didn’t want one side of my ring empty.) I took Environmental Science just for fun, and I don’t enjoy science. Too bad the teacher was also the FFA teacher and spent ¾ of the year talking about ground water. But I gradually gave all that up. I mostly blame an unsupportive mother. And maybe I was a little ahead of my time.


During my hippie time, I also drew pictures. Do you know that song “Hippie Chick” by Soho? (Ya, I had to look up who sang it.) Well, these are “Hippie Pix.” I think I envisioned that someday I would work at Lisa Frank (maker of colorful school supplies and stationary for pre-teen girls). These were sort of my first stab at that. I did so many of these drawings that my markers ran out of ink. Thirty-one drawings in all. I actually kind of miss making them, although I guess, when I think about it, it was a giant waste of time. They have just sat in a folder in my file cabinet for twenty years.

My Favorite


So now, I expose them on my blog, to the world. Or, at least the handful that I scanned. Please do not steal them. Although I can understand how you would totally want to 😛

Pop on over to I’m not stalking you. on Facebook to see more bonus pictures.

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My Latest Obsession: Artzooka

Posted on April 26, 2012 by funnygurl2

In trying to keep my child both entertained (mom talk for not clinging to my leg and crying) and mildly educated, I was having him watch the Doodlebops every morning. He liked the music. Sometimes he would even dance. We would watch them on CBC—a Canadian television channel. While we live in Michigan, our cable system still offers us the channel out of nearby Windsor, Ontario.

After the Doodlebops, I would switch over to The View on ABC. But after a week of them showing reruns, I got annoyed. So I would just leave my TV on CBC. At 11:25AM is a cute mini show that has kids visiting different areas in the world. I got to see what the stairs inside the Leaning Tower of Pisa look like, learn why people believed that pyramids were cursed, and what a baby black rhino looks like. Then at 11:40AM is a great show called Artzooka.

Artzooka is a show that is aimed to get kids interested in Art. It encourages kids to make Art out of household or recycled objects. Some projects turn out looking cuter than others. It is similar to a cooking show in that the host will start a project, then set it aside and pull a completed one out from under the table. It is also great because the host is cute, in a your-best-friend’s-younger-slacker-brother kind of way.

Host Jeremie


I would have absolutely loved a show like this when I was a kid. Heck, I love it now. My 17 month old son is indifferent. He likes the music. Artzooka also features kid-friendly photography and stop-motion mini movies. It really makes me regret not trying to make my own animation in college when I had access to video and editing equipment. Unfortunately, I did not have any free time to do it. The kids who are hard-core about this show must drive their parents nuts. They encourage you to make art projects out of anything and everything, including staplers and kitchen utensils. I wonder how many parents go looking for the stapler and find it has been turned into Barbie’s snowmobile.

The spaceship my son & I Artzooka-ed.


When I was a kid, I drew and made things all the time. I even had my own set of sharp scissors from an early age (…which I may have misused to carve my name in the leg of a table and attempt to cut my mom’s hair with). I think it is important for kids to learn Art (and music, for that matter). Not everyone is going to be good at sports or math or science. It helps a kid get through school if they can find their niche, what they are good at, even if they won’t grow up to do it as a career. But some will. My friend and I used to turn every project we did in high school into an Art project. Now she is an elementary Art teacher, just as she always said she would be. And I..write a silly little blog and draw silly little pictures for it:)

I'm not stalking you.


I’m not stalking you. is NOW ON FACEBOOK! “Like” that I’m not stalking you and get an update when there is a new post to read. (It is sort of like YOU are stalking ME.)

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Spiral Slide

Posted on April 20, 2012 by funnygurl2

This isn't THE slide. But this is a similar one I found a picture of, so that you can get an idea.

When I was growing up, I always remembered that there used to be a big metal spiral slide in the park in town. I think I may have only gotten to play on it once in my life. Maybe during a kindergarten picnic. When I was little, I really liked slides. I think that may have been the only spiral slide I had ever seen. (I didn’t get out much. I was only six.)

Notice how I said “used to be”. The local gossip I had always heard was that they had removed the spiral slide from the park because some kid got hurt on it. I was always mad about that. For like 15 years. I know how to hold a grudge. How bad could the kid have been hurt, anyway?

Years later, I had started dating my future husband. We were in the car, headed somewhere. Probably looking for somewhere to make out. I think I looked at the park and what usually ran through my mind came out my mouth as well. Something like, “I can’t believe they took out the spiral slide just cause some kid got hurt.” Hopefully, I didn’t say much more than that. There is a reason why I can’t remember. That is because my future husband looked at me with an “I see dead people” expression and told me he was the kid. I thought he was joking. Then I didn’t know if he was joking or if he was serious. Finally I let it lay in case he was serious.

What are the chances?

Talk about a small world. Apparently when he fell he fractured his skull. Which sounds bad enough, but recently we talked to his cousin who was older at the time it happened and could remember more. Apparently he also stopped breathing and the fire department had to revive him. Scary stuff. Especially on a four year old.
I can’t believe in all the years I knew that story, I never knew who it was. His sister was in my grade in school and I still didn’t know. (Now, everyone knew which kid got his arm ripped off on the bridge—he was the kid in school with one arm.) If my husband hadn’t of made it that day, my son wouldn’t be the blond-haired (shut up, it isn’t red), blue-eyed, curious cutie he is today. It is amazing how our lives can be changed by tiny moments. (See my great-great-great-great grandparents falling through the ice.)

And it is also amazing how easy it is for one to put one’s foot in one’s mouth.

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You Give Hoodies A Bad Name

Posted on April 1, 2012 by funnygurl2

World English Dictionary
hoodie (ˈhʊdɪ)
— n
1. a hooded sweatshirt
2. a young person who wears a hooded sweatshirt, regarded by some as a potential hooligan
–from Dictionary.com

Hoodies have been in the news a lot lately. This post has really nothing to do with any of that.

When I was little, I had a blue zippered sweatshirt jacket I loved. You know the type, with two pockets and a drawstring for the hood. Many pictures exist with me wearing it. After the blue jacket, I believe I owned a red one. Then a grey one. Then a yellow one. For several years, I didn’t have a sweatshirt jacket, as they were referred to around my house. I don’t even think I realized they made them in adult sizes. Plus, at that time, jean jackets were all that was cool to wear.

Then when I was in high school, I found a red sweatshirt jacket adult-sized at my local Meijer store. I bought it and wore it all the time. It was just like the one I had as a kid, with the drawstring hood, zipper, and two pockets. When I was in college, I had no winter coat. I didn’t have the time or money to get one. But mostly, I probably just thought they were bulky and uncool. So I always layered my denim jacket over my red jacket when it was cold. Yeah, I was cool.

On Saturday Night Live, Adam Sandler sang a song called “Red Hooded Sweatshirt”. I totally felt he was singing about MY red hooded sweatshirt. I loved that song, although it never became as popular as say “Lunch Lady Land” or “The Chanukah Song”. The highlight of the SNL performance is the reaction by Adam Sandler to Sir Paul McCartney’s cameo.

I only had that one hooded sweatshirt for many years. After all, you only need one, right? Then I started a new job and met a crazy girl with green hair. (Of course she was crazy, she became friends with me, right?) She had a hooded sweatshirt for every day of the week, and then some. That is the first time I ever heard anyone use the term “hoodie”. I had to admit, it was kind of catchy. And I totally blame the green-haired girl for badly influencing me to increase my hoodie collection exponentially. I should probably also blame my employer at the time for keeping the building so cold that people had to run heaters under their desks to keep warm. And for a casual dress code.

The purchase of my favorite hoodie was the result of bad planning. My mom, soon-to-be-husband, and I went to Put-in-Bay, Ohio for the day. As it was summer, I didn’t take a jacket, completely forgetting that land surrounded by water (a.k.a. islands) are cooler than the mainland. So I found a totally overpriced hoodie in a souvenir shop and bought it. I thought I would wear it that day and never again. But, I have found, that sometimes impulse purchases are the best ones. (Or the worst ones, but I digress…) It is a beautiful sort of dark rose color. It has two snaps at the neck, which thank God, have never triggered my nickel allergy. It is just the right amount of too big for maximum comfort. It has a pouch on it, rather than two individual pockets. Brand new, the inside was super fleecy and warm and fuzzy. My green-haired friend (before she went on Paxil) coined a great term called “cocooning”. It is when you don’t really want to be at work or around anyone and anxiety is eating at you and you just want to hide in a cocoon away from the world. My Put-in-Bay hoodie was perfect for that. Nine years later, it is no longer as fuzzy. And the elastic cuffs on the sleeves started to rot off, so I had to cut them off. But it is still one of my favorites. And I am wearing it right now as I type.

Following Put-in-Bay, one of my favorite hoodies is my black “Spotted Cow” jacket. It was also super fuzzy when I bought it. Not so much anymore. When I wear it, everyone asks me if I work at the Spotted Cow (Uh, no. Duh. Why would they assume that? I just want to stay warm!). And then there was the time I told my friends it would be funny to have a shirt that said “I’m not stalking you.” Because, you know, that is just what someone who is stalking you would say. So I ordered myself a hoodie with that saying on it for my birthday.

I must admit for a while my hoodie addiction was out of control. And I have to control it every day. You never get over hoodie addiction. It is a disease you have to deal with one step at a time. By my estimate, I currently own about 16 hoodies, including one for bedtime. My favorites get worn more than the ones that are not. I must admit, during the summer I miss slipping into a comfy old hoodie. I even had a maternity hoodie when I was pregnant. It was blue. Very similar to the color of my first hoodie I can remember.

I still wear my red hooded sweatshirt, even though it must be around 20 years old now. (Damn, is that right? Time for a new wardrobe.) I know they make me look casual and sloppy and sometimes homeless, but I don’t care. Comfort shall reign supreme in my clothing kingdom. Eat that, What Not To Wear. And if someone shot me just because I was wearing a hoodie, I believe I would die happy:)

I’m not stalking you. is NOW ON FACEBOOK! “Like” that I’m not stalking you and get an update when there is a new post to read. (It is sort of like YOU are stalking ME.)

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