Tag Archives: dog

Squirrels Cannot Be Trusted

Posted on May 22, 2012 by funnygurl2

Doesn’t this totally look like a pot-smoking squirrel, using his nut as a bong?


I hate squirrels. I see them as worthless vermin. Some people feed them and think they are cute. Not me. Some people buy greeting cards with pictures of squirrels on them. I use those cards as a dart board.

My distrust stems from an encounter I had with a squirrel when I was young, a preschooler. Apparently someone in the small town I lived in had raised a squirrel from when it was a baby. Hence, eradicating it’s natural fear of humans. But it grew up and they released it into the wild. Now, I refer to this as half-tamed. Apparently the squirrel had attacked a girl down the street. But no one tried to catch it.

Then one day my mom and I were sitting on our front porch, minding our own business. She was reading a letter from her friend in California. Luckily for me, they wrote each other thick letters. The half-tame squirrel ran up and attacked me. I don’t really remember it, I remember my mom telling me about it. (I probably blocked it out of my memory for continued sanity.) He scratched and bit me. My mom beat him off with the letter.

Our next door neighbor was an RN, so she fixed up my wounds. My mom rented a live trap from the DNR and finally caught the thing and they hauled it off. I have hated squirrels ever since. Which, is like, over 30 years. I am good at holding a grudge.

One time I was taking a walk at work with my green-haired co-worker while we were on break. We saw a squirrel and she threw a stick at it. The stick hit close to it, bounced, and the squirrel ran—in the direction that the stick bounced. Hence, the stick totally hit him right in the head. The funniest damn thing I have ever seen! I wish we had taped it for YouTube.

In my current house, we have a big old maple tree in the backyard that the squirrels love to live in. If we were in the country, I would shoot them with a gun. The squirrels drive my German Shorthair Pointer nuts. They sit in the tree and “bark” at my dog. Sometimes they sit up there and scratch themselves. I just know they are flicking their fleas and lice down at me. Yuck. Filthy, gross beasts. The worst is probably when the dogs are on the 20 foot lead. The squirrels know that. They will stay just beyond where my Pointer can reach them and taunt him.

My house if over 100 years old. Several years ago, we redid the dining room ceiling, removing the plaster. As we hit the ceiling to break up the plaster, we could hear nuts up above the lathe. In the past, those nasty animals were living IN my house. Last year one squirrel moved into our garage. It isn’t a finished and nice garage, but I still don’t want vermin in it. I would open the garage door and startle the squirrel that would scurry away, in turn startling me. Sometimes he would dive across the small distance between our house roof and the garage roof, just as I was letting dogs out, driving them crazy.

A couple months ago, I let my dogs out into the backyard and was standing around, minding my own business while the dogs tended to theirs. Just then there was a commotion and all of a sudden I had a squirrel running at me at full speed, with my Pointer just inches behind him. Parker must have smoked him out of his hiding spot by the house somewhere. I screamed and jumped, which is the natural reaction when you think a squirrel is going to jump up your leg. The squirrel, realizing I was between him and his favorite tree, made a hairpin turn and headed for the garage instead. He leaped up onto the fence gate, that is attached to the garage. He stumbled, and Parker almost got him. But no such luck. The squirrel clawed his way up the garage siding, leaving me and my dog with our hearts beating out of our chests.

When I envisioned this post six months ago, I didn’t have a good ending for it. Now I totally have great closure. The stupid squirrels would use a barrel that sat next to the garage to help them climb to the roof. I had not noticed the squirrels jumping up that way for a few months. Then our neighbor realized there was a dead animal in the barrel. Everyone thought it was a raccoon. When my husband removed the carcass, it turned out it was two dead squirrels. Wow. Mother’s Day had come early. I couldn’t have been happier. Couldn’t have happened to a nastier animal. Except maybe bats. One time we had one of those drown in a storage container in the attic. But, that’s a different topic.

I’m not stalking you. is NOW ON FACEBOOK! “Like” that I’m not stalking you and get an update when there is a new post to read. (It is sort of like YOU are stalking ME.)

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Happy 1st Birthday I’m not stalking you.

Posted on April 8, 2012 by funnygurl2

I can’t believe I have had my own personal blog for a year now. I dreamed I would have more followers by now, but I have more followers than I really thought I would have. So why hasn’t anyone offered me a million dollars and a book deal yet? Hmmm. Must be the public at large doesn’t find my posts about Punky Brewster, Mom rants, and my dogs interesting enough to follow me. You know what? I am not going to write about better topics, so for all of you who follow this blog, YOU ARE SCREWED!:)

In the last year, I lost my job, job-hunted furiously, supported my husband as he changed careers, and sat with my son through the same major surgery–twice. I feel like 2012 will hold better things for my family this year. I HAVE to tell myself that.

I am glad I have my blog, because I hope that it keeps my writing skills from getting too rusty. On my resume, I do tout my great writing and proof-reading skills. Plus, at my core, I consider myself a creative person. My asbestos friend has found an outlet for her creativity by making clothes for her kids and painting vacation bible school sets. My sister-in-law has found hers by sewing felt toys for craft shows and making Ugly Bird (Oh, I mean Angry Bird) cupcakes for her son’s birthday party. Besides, making a Werecart and Christmas stockings, all I really have is this blog.

Made by my SIL. Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me...


I get more joy out of brainstorming, planning, writing, and publishing this blog than I did from the last three years I was at my job. It makes me feel free, like when I was younger and used to write stories, just because I could. It makes me feel creative, because I can add links, formatting, and pictures to tell my story in the best way. It also makes me feel organized, as I have to pick which posts are timeliest and when they should be posted. I guess that means, in the end, it only matters that I write my blog, and not who may or may not read it.

I’m not stalking you. is NOW ON FACEBOOK! “Like” that I’m not stalking you and get an update when there is a new post to read. (It is sort of like YOU are stalking ME.)

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Parker

Posted on June 30, 2011 by funnygurl2

Pathetic Parker at the Lenawee Humane Society


To continue from last week’s blog, here is how Dave got her name. I always wanted a “dog named Dave.” I think it may have come from Laverne & Shirley, because Shirley would talk about wanting to marry a doctor, have a boy & girl, a house with a white picket fence, and a dog named Dave. I also always knew I wanted a girl dog, because that is what I was used to. In high school, I decided someday I would have a dog named Dave D. Canine, because it sounds like a real name & then I could scam credit card companies into giving a dog a credit card. I never knew what the D stood for until we got her. She looked like a dingo (australian wild dog), so that is what the D came to stand for. We started calling her Daveweena. So her real full name is Daveweena Dingo Canine.

After we had Dave for a little over a year and gotten her reasonably trained, my husband was itching to get a dog of his own. Unlike myself, he made weekly trips to the Lenawee Humane Society before finding the dog that was right for him. He found a noisy, jumpy German Shorthair Pointer named Archer. Archer had been a stray, so the Humane Society had held him for a week. My husband spotted him the first day he was available for adoption. I infamously said,”You like THAT dog?” I stand by that statement to this day. We took Archer in the room to play with him. He was overly friendly, trying to sit in my lap the whole time. My husband was sure that was the dog for him, so we took him home. He was renamed Parker.

Parker on duty

Once home, Dave walked around plastered next to Parker’s side for a week, trying to dominate him & get him to play with her. He is not a very playful dog. We have hardwood floors, and Parker did not lay down on them for over a year. We took him camping. He refused to lay down. However, he was very fond of the couch. It is interesting how the couch was a doggy no-no zone until Parker came along. As we couldn’t keep him off of it, Dave was then allowed to lay on it as well. (The rule of the house is that animals have to move if humans want to sit on it, though. Dave is the guard dog of the house. I always say that Parker’s job is to hold down the couch, because gravity is very weak right there:) Parker only got a month of dog obedience training, whereas Dave got 16 months. It shows.

We learned that Parker is actually very cat-like. He can go lay on the bed & sleep for hours & you won’t even know he is there. But if it is dinner time, watch out. He will start begging & whining like 2 hours before feeding time. He also goes out to the bathroom more than any dog I have ever met. Part of that is due to the fact that he can drink an entire bowl of water at one time. But I really wish he wouldn’t. He is so whiny, that our best friends who used to dog sit for us, have said they will only continue to watch him if they can freely complain about him. Needless to say, he is going to be boarded on our next out-of-town adventure.

Parker is a giant flight risk. I can’t count the number of times he has runaway. He finds an open gate or he skinnies out between the fence & the house. I find it truly unbelievable that I have a nicely fenced backyard & I still have to tie my dogs up on leads, because otherwise they will escape. Once Dave broke her lead & jumped over the fence, all in the time it took me to take a wizz in the bathroom. Parker usually runs away in the middle of winter during an ice storm. But he once ran away on the first hot day of summer & was found after swimming in a lake. (Ew, stinky dog). Once, that we know of, he has crossed the busiest road near our house. Just the thought of that scares me. I think one time his running away could be partially blamed on my friend who threw a Pure Romance sex toy party at my house. She was making everyone sample lotions & perfumes with pheromones in them. Parker was shut in the other room, but making a God-awful wailing. Shortly after I think he escaped & went looking for love. His dog identification tag is the best investment we ever made. We now have him microchipped as well.

Oh, and as soon as we got Parker & he leaped into the back seat of the SUV with no problem, that is when Dave said,”Well, hell. If he can do that, so can I.” We never had to lift her up into the backseat of the car again.

Parker’s full name is Parker Jo Buhdoo. “Buhdoo” is a great word that I believe my friend invented. You want the definition of buhdoo? Look at Parker’s picture from the Humane Society.

Parker today

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Dave, My Little Girl

Posted on June 23, 2011 by funnygurl2

Dave's picture from the Lenawee Humane Society


I can’t believe I have been writing this blog for several months now, and have yet to tell you about my dogs. Dave, a Lab-Chow (and possibly Shepherd) mix and Parker, a German Shorthair Pointer.

I wanted a dog for 20 years. Since I was eight & my mom got rid of Ginger, the dog we had as I was growing up. My mom wouldn’t let me have a dog in the trailer. She said there wasn’t enough room. (It would have been crowded, but we could have done it!) I had a goldfish for a short time. Like, I think it lasted all of 3 months. Then I was in an apartment that did not allow dogs. Although my now-husband & I had a hamster & a hedgehog while we lived there.

Then, in 2004, we bought our own house! Ya! (It was happy-time then. We didn’t know that our house would be worth $20,000 less in just 7 years.) That meant we could have a dog! The plan was always that I would get a dog first, then my husband would get one. I think we agreed on that because he had had a dog more recently than I. So, I waited as long as I could to get a dog. I wanted to have the house cleaned & unpacked & organized.

So, 3 weeks after we moved into the house, we went to the Humane Society. Now, I had spotted a dog on the Internet I was in love with at the Monroe County Humane Society. It was an orange/tan shepherd-lab mix named Chloe. Or Zoey. I don’t remember. Anyway, my husband was too lazy to drive that far, so we went to the Lenawee Humane Society that was only five minutes from our house first. There I saw a very pathetic dog named “Sunny.” She was orange & a mutt. That fit all my criteria. All my pets had always been orange. And I really wanted a mutt. She just laid there on the concrete floor, looking so sad. She was the only dog that didn’t bark at me. She did come get a treat from me when I offered her one. She had been fixed just 2 days before. So, my husband & I took her into a room to play with her. She looked out the window a lot & peed on the floor. That was our first glimpse at her playful personality. Also, what should have been our first clue that she wasn’t really housebroken, even though she was a year and a half old.

We ended up taking “Sunny” home. Because she had just been fixed, she was still sore, and my husband had to lift her hind end up to get into the SUV. (We would have to continue to lift her into the back of the Aztek for the next year.) I turned around to look at her in the backseat of the car, before we even left the parking lot, and said,”Oh no. You are not a Sunny. You are a Dave.” About a week later, we discovered that Dave did indeed have a bark. Or rather, a howl. My husband & I were being goofy, and she howled at us. I looked at my husband & said,”Is that good or bad?” He said,” I think she is happy.” My husband was very happy because he had always wanted a dog that could howl.

We had a rough start with Dave. My sister-in-law told me that she had seen Dave with LHS in April. We didn’t adopt her til Friday, August 13th. I think with the combination of being at the Humane Society so long & having surgery, she probably felt like no one loved her & was very depressed. She is a dominant dog. Once she realized she had a home, she proceeded to try to run the house. We took her to Dog Obedience classes, and now she is a dream dog (After years of work, of course). We went to Kate Cook, who I highly recommend, but I don’t think she trains dogs anymore:( I still have to hold her leash ultra-tight if we pass another dog on a walk. Dave is dominant & wants to go hump them. And she can’t be in the backyard unsupervised, because she has been known to climb over our 4ft chain link fence to get at another dog.

Later I found the picture of the Zoey dog in Monroe I wanted to adopt. She looks VERY similar to Dave. My Dave is my dream puppy. I wouldn’t want to give her up for anything.

To find out why a girl dog got named Dave, you will just have to come back for my post next week:)

Dave today

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