Three Degrees of Matthew Perry

Posted on June 28, 2012 by funnygurl2

Dear, Sweet Matthew

(Make that Two Degrees…see below)

I have loved Matthew Perry since he was on Growing Pains in Season Four. (My love of Growing Pains? We will save that for a blog all its own.) Matthew Perry was in a three episode arc as Carol’s college boyfriend. This caused issues as she lied to him and her parents, as she was still herself in high school. Matthew Perry’s role as Sandy (bad character name) came to a heartbreaking end when he was drunk driving and died. (Sniff, sniff.)

Tracey Gold & Matthew Perry on Growing Pains

I cannot wait until they release Season Four of Growing Pains so that I may possess these episodes! When that will be, if ever? Who knows. Matthew Perry (can I just call him Matt? *sigh*) was 20 when he did these episodes. He was cute and funny and goofy and endearing and awkward and, well, Chandler. Although no one watching the episodes knew that yet.

Then I watched Matt in the short-lived sitcom Sydney, where he played Valerie Bertinelli’s younger brother, who was a police officer. I like Valerie Bertinelli and, of course, Matt, and would have continued to watch the show, but it was cancelled.

My favorite shot of Chandler from the Friends series finale Photo: Warner Bros.

My favorite shot of Chandler from the Friends series finale
Photo: Warner Bros.

Then along came the greatest role ever. CHANDLER BING. Chandler Bing is like my perfect man. I fall in love with a sense of humor and goofiness above all else. He was also very good looking when Friends began. Some of my favorite Chandler moments are when he is trying to woo Monica. It is possible that I am not actually in love with Matthew Perry, but the character of Chandler. I guess I hope that since every early role I ever saw of Matthew Perry was Chandler-like, that maybe that is how he is in real life.

FRIENDS
Rachel’s Boss: So, what’s wrong with him?
Rachel: Nothing. He’s just goofy like that. I actually hardly notice it anymore.

I also like Matt in Fools Rush In. But then again, it is just a variation on Chandler. Just like Three to Tango. And The Whole Nine Yards. And The Whole Ten Yards.

As the years have gone on, poor Matt hasn’t aged well. Some of his boyish good looks have slipped away. It frustrates me that he has tried to take on more serious roles, such as West Wing, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, and Mr. Sunshine. I am not drawn to these more serious roles. I know it is terrible, but I would like to see him as Chandler. Forever. You could just put Chandler in a new setting with new co-stars. You could just keep doing that every time the show got cancelled. And I would tune in, every time. As long as the theme song is never “It’s a Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong.

FRIENDS
Joey: I’m Chandler. Could I BE wearing any more clothes?!

The one more serious role I love Matt in is The Ron Clark Story. It is a TV movie about a charismatic young teacher who makes a difference in a very bad school in a bad inner city neighborhood in one of those big cities with lots of crime, probably New York City. Matt is great in it. I forget that he played Chandler. I forget to wish that he was Chandler again. He is charismatic and funny and great. He makes me believe he could be a teacher, and a good one. Too bad that if you watch the extras, the real Ron Clark is way dorkier and younger than Matt who is playing the role.

My previous job was at the corporate office of a now defunct major bookstore chain. Musicians and celebrities used to come in to meet the buyers of their latest record or book to promote it. It was a wonderful perk to a job that I otherwise mostly didn’t enjoy for most of the 12 years I worked there.

One day Robin Thicke came in to work to perform. It must have been to promote his debut album. I thought it was terrible. But since he has become a huge success (including a part on the new show Duets), I will chalk it up to that he just doesn’t perform the kind of music that I personally like.

FRIENDS
Chandler: Don’t go! I’ve scared you! I’ve said too much! I’m hopeless and awkward and desperate for love!

Now, I have mental rules about playing “six degrees”, due to the fact that I have seen so many celebrities. Usually I only count them if I actually spoke to them (such as Bruce Campbell, Jason Mraz, Ricky Skaggs, Jamie Lee Curtis, etc.). But I make an exception for Robin Thicke. I didn’t meet him that day because I thought he was icky. But I could have met him. And I sat in like the second row for his performance. And the whole time I sat there, I just kept thinking “Oh My God. This guy is the son of Alan Thicke who was on Growing Pains and so was Matthew Perry. I am three degrees away from Matthew Perry!”

NOTE: If it was actually Noah Wyle (E.R.) that I saw at Detroit Metro Airport in a Warner Brothers T-shirt getting on a plane to Los Angeles in September of 1996, then that would make me only two degrees away from Matthew Perry, as Noah was once in an episode of Friends! But this would again break my rule of having to have talked to the celebrity, because I didn’t talk to the “maybe Noah”.

ANOTHER NOTE: I am only two degrees away from Kevin Bacon, as he came to my old job and performed with his music group “The Bacon Brothers”. While I stalked the conference room, I didn’t get to go in or see him. But many of the people I worked with, in the same department as me, did:)

So, to wrap up, I just watched a teaser for Matt’s new comedy series this fall called “Go On”. In the 3:19 teaser I watched, it looked like it had potential. But the plot of the whole series is that Matt’s character is in therapy because his wife died. I realize actors like to stretch their boundaries and not be typecast into the same character over and over again. But I have to believe most of his fan base out there is like me. We want to see Chandler again. And we don’t want a sad Chandler. That makes me so sad I want to cry, not watch his show!

UPDATE: Seeing as I have met Bruce Campbell and talked to him (twice), and Bruce Campbell was in Serving Sara with Matthew Perry–cha-ching! I am only TWO DEGREES away from Matthew Perry. Ya, go me!

For more Matthew Perry, please visit:

My Life Philosophy (Sitcom Style) https://imnotstalkingyou.com/2012/09/18/my-life-philosophy-sitcom-style/

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Why I Don’t Wear Make-Up

Posted on June 26, 2012 by funnygurl2

When I was younger, I experimented with make-up like every other girl. I started with the blue eye shadow and the red lipstick and the pink blush. I am sure it was horrible. At some point I had enough zits that I started using foundation and concealer (are those the right terms?) to cover them. At one point, I had a great orange palette going on–orange eye shadow, blush, and lipstick. It was 90210 brand lipstick:) It sounds bad now, but it was 1989 and I was in middle school. It was acceptable then, I swear. Well, to me anyway.

I really wanted to find a picture of 90210 make-up products. You will have to settle for this orange-faced chick instead. Pretend this is what I looked like in middle school.


And the reason I don’t wear make-up: a snotty girl in my class at school. I would love to post her name here, but it is so silly, no one would believe that is really her name. And I won’t give her the satisfaction of putting her name in print. Let’s just call her Tori Crapshooter. (Except her real name is even sillier.)

In Gym class one day (the inner circle of the hell that is middle school), Tori came up to me and asked me who did my make-up. How the hell is one supposed to reply to that? So, of course, I said, “me.” She was like “oh”, and that was the end of it. I don’t really think I have worn much make-up since, except maybe some eyeliner and lipstick when going to a concert or for Halloween or to a concert on Halloween (I did that once. I saw Good Charlotte in Toledo and I stood behind Wayne and Garth from Wayne’s World).

I wish I would have said “None of your business.” or “Who does yours?” or “Yo Mama.” But I didn’t. I was meek. Much meeker then than I am now. Standing in my “cool guys are the coolest” T-shirt and shorts in the gym. My legs so white that all my veins hung out for the world to see under the harsh, buzzing lights. Tori was a bitch, and I knew it. But for some reason I took her question to heart. And committed it memory. She probably doesn’t remember me or that question or that day in gym class.

Maybe she did me a favor that day. Think of all the money I have saved over the years by not wearing make-up. All the extra time I get to sleep-in in the mornings. All the time I am not spending at the store trying to find the right shade of something. What I really should have done was use my words to make her feel as small as she made me. I could have made fun of her white girl afro. Or I could have pointed out how dumb her name was.

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What I Learned This Week – 6/24/12

Posted on June 24, 2012 by funnygurl2

I learned that ich looks like fish dandruff. I learned that it can be cured by simply picking up a bottle of carcinogenic chemicals at the store and dumping them into my tank. With limited Internet research, I learned that you can most times also cure ich by keeping your aquarium above 86 degrees and adding 2-3 Tbls aquarium salt per 5 gallons (I have a 5 gallon tank). This treatment is supposed to be done for 10 days or until 3 days after the white spots disappear from your fish.

Data Betta looking at his reflection. There is also an African Dwarf Frog in there too, but he is tiny.


We are on day four of treatment. I can’t tell if his white spots are going away or if he is getting more. Hopefully this will be the last batch. Ich grows in cycles, like fleas.

I asked the Lazy Hippie Mama if I cured ich without chemicals if I could get a badge for it, like the Girl Scouts. She said sure. Even though I probably can’t and my Betta will die, I decided it would be be great fun to design such a badge anyway. See below.

Artists rendition of an imaginary badge that only exists in imnotstalkingyou.com’s silly brain.


I also learned this week a person could go insane trying to keep the aquarium warm, the refrigerator cold, and the humans and canines cool.

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Finding Friends

Posted on June 21, 2012 by funnygurl2


It is really hard to find friends. Maybe that is only my experience and no one else’s. I don’t know. Maybe I expect too much out of a friend. I am a Capricorn. I tend to expect perfection in everyone (including myself) and I am always disappointed. (Hmmm…I wonder why?)

My inspiration for this post is that two people who are really no more than acquaintances are moving away. But I was hoping, someday, my husband and I could consider them friends. It is actually the Pastor. Of my asbestos friend’s church. She often drags me to their events (see River Raisin Festival parade float for her church). We aren’t really members of that church. Although our names somehow ended up in the church directory (I think it has something to do with my asbestos friend being the church secretary). My asbestos friend and her family are very close friends with the Pastor and his family. But then again, they live on the same block. The only two houses on the block, to be more accurate.

OK. I’m babbling. But it seems like this always happens. Especially with a lot of my former co-workers. There are many I thought highly of and would have liked to hang out or go shopping with outside of work. But it never seems to happen. Then they move. Or get laid off. Or the whole company closes. And I will never get the chance to develop a real friendship with them. I will never see them again. Sure, Facebook will give the illusion that we have stayed in touch. But it is just an illusion.

In a few cases, I have actually gotten to hang out with co-workers more meaningfully. But as I had one of the longer commutes to work, distance makes things difficult.

As I said earlier, I expect too much out of my friends. I expect more than just a Christmas card once a year to consider someone a true friend. I expect a friend to be there for major life events. Maybe not all of them, but most of them, with a good excuse for the others. I don’t like to feel like I am the one making the effort all the time. I am a petty person who keeps mental notes in my head. I know life gets in the way. But if I made the effort to see you multiple times with no return, it wears on me. It darkens my friendship aura. And if I haven’t heard from you in five years (and I know you have my phone number and address), don’t expect one message announcing your marriage on Facebook to make me count you as a friend again. I don’t care if you were my maid of honor at my wedding. I hope the best for you out in the world, but we don’t know anything about each other’s lives.

So, Ya. I expect an occasional email or letter or phone call or lunch or visit or major life event participation. Call me a bitch. As I write this, I realize I am not always a very good friend according to my own standards. This goes back to what I said about being disappointed in everyone, including me.

Back to the Pastor. He and his wife always welcomed us to church functions, even though we were just tagging along with my asbestos friend. They welcomed us to their house for food and casual socialization, even though we were just tagging along with my asbestos friend. The Pastor came and visited us at the hospital on day four of our two day stay (of an eventual eleven day stay) at the hospital for my son’s first surgery. I coordinated Halloween costumes with the Pastor’s wife and my asbestos friend (we were girls from the 80’s. Because we are.) The Pastor stayed with us at the hospital for like five hours on the first day of my son’s two day stay (yes, it was only 2 days total) for his second surgery. He was a pleasant distraction. But there is no denying he has seen us at our worst. He saw me break down and cry as they wheeled my son into surgery, and he pretended not to notice. Although he was probably just grateful it wasn’t one of his kids. And I wouldn’t blame him. He is someone I thought if I was really freaking out about life I could go and talk to him. Now I guess I will never know.

So, two more people I will never get a chance to fully be friends with are leaving my life. It is so hard to find truly nice people who are funny and goofy. I need to find a way to hold on to them better.

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There is a Pawn, There is a Rook

Posted on June 19, 2012 by funnygurl2

I wrote this poem on the back of a math assignment in high school. I might have been a freshmen. I misplaced it for a while, and it drove me nuts because I really liked it and couldn’t remember exactly how it had been written. But then I found it again. I think it was tucked in a different subject’s text book.

I like how it rhymes. And how the children never have to go to school. As I wrote it while in school and didn’t want to be there. But I knew, realistically, the kids would still be required by the Happy Town government to receive some form of education. That is why I added “They learned from life/And their father’s wife [most likely being their mother]”.

I still don’t really know what a pawn or a rook are. Something to do with chess. Being stuck in school, I just loved the imagery of bad guys (and school bullies) getting what they deserved. And the image of playing with puppies in the sunshine. Sooo much better than being crammed in a classroom listening to a teacher drone on and on and on.

I do believe this could make a great children’s book someday. The image below I typed up on my word processor I was going to use to become a famous writer. I ended up selling it at a garage sale. But enjoy this poem I typed up and printed on the fancy-schmancy paper that came with it. I like how the girl at the top has a star on her eye. It makes her look like she belongs with Jem and the Holograms.

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