I think my mom secretly loves doing laundry.

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My mom is crazy. Right now she is hoarding incandescent light bulbs because she thinks they aren’t going to make them anymore. She could be right, but it still makes her sound crazy.

Usually what makes her sound the most crazy is laundry. I guess I don’t really mean crazy. Usually I use the word “particular”. She would use “obsessive-compulsive”. The woman lives by herself & somehow has like 6 loads of laundry a week–minimum. Her laundry has to be done in a certain way. She thinks she is allergic to fabric softner*, so she has to have a minimum of 3 rinses (ex. 1st rinse add detergent, 2nd rinse add fabric softner, 3rd rinse rinse out fabric softner). She prefers 4 rinses altogther. So much so, that when she PAYS to do her laundry in the laundry room in her apartment buildilng, she runs the machine twice. You read that right. Twice as many quarters. Last time I knew she also liked to use almost a full bottle of detergent per load, instead of the capful most of us would use. I cannot confirm nor deny if this is still her practice. Also expensive. Then she has to dry her underwear separate from the towels, because she doesn’t want to get the elastic on her underwear too hot so that it gets ruined. I think the woman is totally parnoid about her underwear. When the fire alarm goes off in her building, her #1 fear is that she will lose all her underwear. I will save the conversation about how hard it is for her to find underwear to purchase some other day. So, two sepearate dryers=more money.

Do you see why I am not sympathetic when she complains she has no money?

*”Why doesn’t she just stop using fabric softner, you ask?” I’ve asked that question a hundred times. I can’t remember her answer because I have her on “auto-tune” out. And any time you try to reason with her, she comes up with some 20 minute explanation that, because I am her kid, actually makes sense to me because I have insight into how her brain works. Or doesn’t.

Headless Babies

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I went to my asbestos friend’s (it’s a long story) baby shower on Saturday. Now, bear in mind, this is the shower at the church, given to her by the people who go there. I was in charge of the heathen gathering a couple weeks ago. We had a Baby-Q, where we bar-b-qued actual babies. Very few people came. Not sure why.

She lives in a different town than I. I ran some errands first, but then I had time to kill. I drove past her house, but she hadn’t left for the church yet. I wasn’t stalking her. I drove around a little and went by her house again. She was still there. I wasn’t stalking her. OK, maybe I was. But it killed time until I saw her vehicle at the church a few minutes later.

It was a nice, if boringly standard, baby shower i.e. no babies on spits. Although the party favors were babies with removable heads. At one point her daughter got cold & borrowed my infant son’s blanket. I kept thinking it was good I had brought that particular one, because it had a Precious Moments character on it. The perfect blanket to take to a church. That way no one would see through my act & run me out the door. My mom raised me to believe I would burst into flames if I ever walked into a church.

I had run errands all morning & asked my husband to come pick up our son at the shower when he got out of school. I didn’t want my son interrupting the shower, and I also knew he was exhausted & needed to rest at home. Afterall, we had marathon shopped at Meijer* the night before. My husband came & got him. About an hour later, I head home. I got home before them. My husband had stopped in to Walmart** on the way home–OY!

*Shameless plug: Please shop at Meijer. They are a Michigan-based company and are much better at keeping the shelves stocked than they used to be. Michgan needs your $$$.
**Do not shop at Walmart. They probably don’t really have what you are looking for anyway and they are not Michigan-based.

Welcome!

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Thanks for finding my blog. It must have been terribly difficult considering I don’t have anything interesting to say & it has only existed for about 10 minutes. Bare with me while I learn the secrets of blogging.