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A Proposal for the Birthday Bunny

Christmas has Santa Claus. Easter has the Easter Bunny. Lost teeth have the Tooth Fairy.

All these occasions have a character who delivers you the goods you feel you are entitled just because a certain event happens to take place on a certain day.

I have always felt that birthdays should be the same way. After all, it is the most special of special days. Without your birthday, you would be, well, non-existent.

Wouldn’t it be great if some sort of character brought you your gifts that day?

That is why I have always felt we needed a character such as “the Birthday Bunny.”

Wait...Mr. Floppy from Unhappily Ever After is not what I had in mind.

Wait…Mr. Floppy from Unhappily Ever After is not what I had in mind.

Now, I know you are going to say that Easter already has a bunny. But Easter also has eggs and chicks and sheep. The powers that be can just pick a new animal to adorn the packages of candy and toys. Heck, if we wanted to be truer to the origins of Easter, we should put zombie Jesus on everything. Zombies are still popular these days; that could prove to be a successful marketing strategy. Everyone loves zombies, the very young to the very old.

Plus, if you give the bunny to the occasion of birthday, you get alliteration, which is always highly desirable.

Just think, retailers can only use Santa during the last three months of the year, and Christmas in July. But people have birthdays ALL YEAR LONG! Every day someone somewhere is having a birthday. Stores could have on-going sales with tables of merchandise featuring stuffed animals of the Birthday Bunny and signage with him as well. Or maybe there could be one special sale day a month to cover any shopping for gifts for birthdays occurring that month. The increased visibility would push people to gift more quantity and more expensive presents to their loved ones. It would also encourage people to impulsively gift themselves for their own big days. Instead of rental halls being all booked up in November and December for Christmas parties, maybe celebration parties could be held instead for birthdays and staggered throughout the year.

Whoa. This thing could potentially eclipse the gluttony of Christmas. (I am well aware that that is not what Christmas is supposed to be about, but to retailers and children, it often evolves into that.)

I picture the Birthday Bunny as pink and fluffy. But maybe he should be a more neutral color to appeal to both genders. Maybe a nice oatmeal tan would be good. And maybe he should be a “she.” Maybe the Birthday Bunny should be a nurturing female character. We do biologically require a mother to have a birthday, so it could make sense to have a motherly bunny to give you hugs and gifts and candy.

Woah..not evil Nana Bunny.

Woah..not evil Nana Bunny.

This is still an idea very much in development. But I have had this in my brain for probably 30 years. Maybe I am just jealous that my January birthday gets eclipsed every year by Santa Claus, Rudolph, and Baby New Year. I think it is time for birthdays to be the blowout events they should be.

Now, that is more like it!

Now, that is more like it!

Follow the romantic entanglements of The Riley Sisters in my books:
The Wind Could Blow a BugAVAILABLE NOW!
When You Least Expect It NEW RELEASE!
Be Careful What You Wish For – COMING JANUARY 2016! (Not a lie. It is being birthed as we speak!)

Christmas: The I’m Not Stalking You Way! Part 2

For Part 1, please click here: https://imnotstalkingyou.com/2014/12/12/christmas-the-im-not-stalking-you-way-part-1/

NOTE: This post has ADULT CONTENT. Not for young eyes.

Adult Content

Adult Content

Now that I have that disclaimer out of the way, let’s talk about Santa Claus.

One of my earliest childhood memories (I cannot even tell you how old I would have been) was of waking up in the middle of the night in December and hearing the sound of gift wrapping in my kitchen. I sort of groggily thought, “Oh, I guess there is no Santa Claus. I guess my mom just buys all my gifts and wraps them for me.” Then I went back to sleep.

Futurama rules

Futurama rules

I never felt cheated by that experience. I actually think it saved me from waking up to the harsh reality years later that many kids have to go through, when they find out all their gifts come from family members shopping on Black Friday. I have just always known that there is no Santa Claus. Sure, my mom would always sign a few of the gift tags “From: Santa”. My stockings would magically be filled Christmas morning “by Santa”. We had no chimney. She would try to tell me, when I asked, that she would let Santa in the door.

Peeping Santa

Peeping Santa

I know my mother. There is no way she is opening the door for a strange old man while she is in her nightgown in the middle of the night. She wouldn’t even let people we KNEW in the house while she was in her nightgown.

I never saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus

I never saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus

Don’t get me wrong, I love THE IDEA of Santa and his sleigh and reindeer and elves. I love the songs. I love the Classic Coca-Cola ads with his image. I just don’t fully buy into it. I blame the realistic Capricorn in me that always seeks the truth.

Just wrong, in so many ways...

Just wrong, in so many ways…

But, the little that I DO believe about the legend of Santa comes from an unlikely source.

PM Magazine.

PM Magazine was a syndicated news show back in the early 1980’s, which featured human interest stories and lots of entertainment content. In my area, it was shown on WTOL Channel 11, just before The Muppet Show. So, I would often see the last five minutes as I was waiting for The Muppets to come on. In my memory, the picture is a little greenish. I think that was because of the color TV we had that was dying and only had one color left–green.

Anyway, I remember a story near Christmas time on PM Magazine about the REAL Santa Claus.* I recall the story being about some old guy who lived in a town near the North Pole. For his town, he would dress up as Santa and deliver toys to all the kids in town.

And that was enough for me.

To know that there was one guy who played the part of Santa in one town in the whole world was enough for me. To know that something like that exists has kept me going with the Christmas spirit all these years. Of course, that was 30 years ago. Dude is probably dead by now. And there was probably one mom like mine in that town who wouldn’t want to let him in the door anyway. But maybe, just maybe, he is still delivering those presents, to this day.

What?! Ugh!

What?! Ugh!

I do not plan to encourage or discourage my son’s belief in Santa Claus. But if he asks me if their is a real Santa, I will recite my fuzzy memories of that green news story to him from three decades ago.

Working at the mall recently, I got to know the Santa there very well. He is a super-nice guy. Even though I found out what his secret identity is the rest of the year, he still seems like Santa to me, because he is the only one I have gotten to know personally.

Santa is my BFF

Santa is my BFF

* I am sure many of my details about the PM Magazine story are inaccurate. I found where it may have aired on 12/24/1984, with the title of Real Life Santa.  I would have been only like 8 years old. But that show aired so long ago, that anyone else’s memory would be tainted with time as well. Unless someone has the actual classic footage for the Santa story, in which case I would LOVE to see it.

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The Whistle In The Night

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My son has a Melissa & Doug train puzzle that has caused trouble since the day I picked it up at the thrift store.

TRAIN PUZZLE-toy

If you have kids, you may know that Melissa & Doug makes sturdy wooden toys, that can also be a little pricey. If you have read my blog before, you may have gathered that my son REALLY likes trains.

So, when my asbestos friend and I were shopping in December last year, I really couldn’t pass up this puzzle. I mean, my kid can tell you the anatomy of a steam engine better than he can his own body. The problem was, he was WITH ME in the store. I tried to hide it from him. It is hard to hide a wooden puzzle. My asbestos friend, TRYING to be helpful, said, “Oh, let him play with it. He won’t even remember it tomorrow.”

Famous last words. She forgot my kid is six months older than hers.

EVERY DAY until Christmas came he asked me, “Where is my puzzle train?”

I finally settled on telling him, “Santa took it to the North Pole. He will bring it for Christmas.” Which, Santa did. My son will STILL tell me, “Santa Claus took my puzzle train and brought it back for me.”

He plays with it.

He loves it.

Did I forget to mention that it is a SOUND puzzle?

I put batteries in it Christmas morning after my son opened it. I was convinced for days that it didn’t work. I finally figured out that it only makes the whistle sound when you put in all the pieces at the same time.

We discovered that it worked off of light sensors in the puzzle. When they all sense darkness, it makes the noise.

And how did we discover this?

Because, invariably, my son takes out one piece of the puzzle and leaves it lying out. 99.9% of the time, it is the coal tender. And at night, when my son has been asleep for two hours and the crotchety dog that is prone to bark at night is locked up in the laundry room, and I am trying to be oh-so-quiet, I click off the living room light…

“Whoooooh-Whoooooh!”

Oh. Crap. That stupid train puzzle. Every night one piece is missing. Every night I never think to check. Every night I have to hold my breath as it whistles in the darkness, hoping that it will not disturb any man, child, or beast already in slumber.

And yet, with all this trouble, it is still a really cute puzzle…

Dead Dad Movies

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You may wonder what a “Dead Dad” movie is. It is a movie where the father dies or is dead, then somehow is magically brought back to life to share more time with their offspring. (And we are talking “quality” movies here. Not Dad coming back as a ghost or as a Golden Retriever.) I didn’t realize this theme at first. I was just drawn to these movies and wasn’t sure why. After I realized they had a common theme, I could realize I was probably subconsciously drawn to them because my Dad died before I was born. There are four main dead dad movies I regularly watch. Feel free to leave a comment & let me know of some others.

Field of Dreams — Son almost runs out of money & loses his house building a baseball field, only to realize it is so that he could play catch with his dead father again. Stars Kevin Costner, James Earl Jones, Amy Madagan.

Late for Dinner — Father & his brother-in-law are accidentally cryogenically frozen & then thawed out in the future. Late for Dinner came out at the same time as Mel Gibson’s Forever Young. But Late for Dinner is a much better movie. The father is reunited with his grown daughter. Stars Brian Wimmer, Peter Berg, Marcia Gay Harden.
One Magic Christmas — Father is shot in a bank hold-up on Christmas Eve. His daughter must travel to the North Pole, where dead people work in Santa’s Workshop (is that Heaven or Hell?!!), to ask Santa to make her “Dad not dead anymore.” I feel so bad for Mary Steenburgen’s character in this movie. At one point her husband & kids are dead, leaving her all alone, just because she doesn’t believe in Santa Claus. Believe…or else.

Frequency — Father from the past who is dead in the present talks to his grown son through a magical CB radio with the help of solar flares. Father finds a way to survive into the future to be reunited with his troubled son. I would like this movie better if someone else besides Jim Caviezel was cast as the son. I find him very creepy. Plot heavy. Also stars Dennis Quaid.

So, if you have a Dad who is still alive, celebrate him not just on Father’s Day, but every day. And if you don’t, watch one of these movies to make your “Dad not dead anymore”.

For more on Dead Dad movies, please visit:

Dead Dad Movie (Non-Feature Film Edition) https://imnotstalkingyou.com/2012/08/09/dead-dad-movie-non-feature-film-edition/

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