I saw this T-shirt in one of those clear plastic squares up on the wall. I searched and searched the rack below, but they did not have anymore. The last one was pressed into that display box. So, I did something very uncharacteristic of me. I actually went and ASKED AN ASSOCIATE to get it out so that I could buy it. It was a size way too big when I was actually beginning to eliminate some of my too large 80s shirts from my wardrobe. But I didn’t care. I HAD TO HAVE THAT SHIRT.
It may have been the first shirt I had that I didn’t want my mom to see me wear. (There are many more now. Not slutty, just advertising my writing or tattoos or the church I sometimes hang out at, all things she would have issue with.) I figured she would try to point out that there wasn’t something wrong with me. Which, how would she know, because she never has known the real me.
I wore it quite a bit over the years. More recently, I relegated it to being a sleep shirt mostly because it was such a large size that it was hard to layer under a long-sleeved shirt and a hoodie in the winter months. I count winter as September through May. (Yes, three layers, minimum. I will need to retire somewhere warmer and sunnier than Michigan.)
I intended to write a blog post about this shirt for a long time. The date of June 9, 2014 is on this photo in my computer. Although, for all I know, that could just be the last time I replaced my hard drive. I initially intended to write about how made-for-me it was, how true the statement was.
But something has happened to me recently. I don’t always think the same way I used to. And, well, I can’t write that post anymore.
Last year, about this time, a saying popped up in my head:
EMBRACE YOUR WEIRDNESS
And while I contemplated getting that tattooed on my wrist for a short time, I don’t think it is entirely accurate either.
Because while others think I’m weird, weirdness IS my normal.
Maybe it is everyone else (those who judge me) who have something wrong with them.
So now, I have moved on to:
The symbols of a heart and an arrow, which to me represent “Love Yourself.” You may have even seen me use such a picture with the saying on a previous edition of my blog or a tweet. This is the latest tattoo I am contemplating, this time for the inside of my forearm. I would love it to be a daily reminder to do just that. But, alas, life is a very mental game and outside stimuli are very bad at reminding me of who I need to strive to be.
Being positive remains a daily battle.
I just have to remind myself that if I lose today, maybe I can still win tomorrow.
Follow the romantic entanglements of The Riley Sisters in my books:
Be Careful What You Wish For – AVAILABLE NOW!
When You Least Expect It – THE CONTINUING ROMANCE!
The Wind Could Blow a Bug – WHERE IT ALL BEGAN!