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Issues with Tissues

In another one of my more confessional blogs, I have to admit something that my closest friends and family already know.

I have issues with tissues.

STOP LAUGHING!!! I know that it sounds cute and rhymey, but it is a serious issue. It causes awkward social situations. More so than I would normally encounter with having anxiety and being a picky eater.

I think my issue comes from when I was a small child. My mother LOVES tissues. (Facial tissue, such as Puffs or Kleenex.) She would have a box or two in every room of the house. She used to sit on the end of the couch and use like ten tissues in one sitting. She would ball up each one and lob it toward the wastebasket. Now, you need to realize that the wastebasket was at the OTHER end of the couch. All the tissues made a pink ring on the floor around the wastebasket. So, like, the next time she got up (possibly the next morning), she would pick them up and take care of them.

This thoroughly repulsed me!

So, from a young age, I refused to use tissues.

    Reason #1: Because my mom LOVES them.

    Reason #2: Because the texture is awful! Too soft!

    Reason #3: Because they can’t capture my snot.

When I blow my nose, I make a big blow. It cannot be contained by a tissue.

How does this lead to awkward social situations, you ask?

Think about when you are the most upset. When you are crying (for any reason: death, injury, etc.). What do people hand you?

A FRICKIN’ TISSUE!

I am perfectly happy using paper towels for any purpose someone might use tissues for.

So, if you see me in distress, NEVER, EVER hand me a tissue.

Thank you in advance.

* My green-haired friend coined the actual term “Issues with Tissues”.

** I don’t have a fear or phobia of tissues. I just find the texture highly displeasing. I do not have an issue with toilet paper for toilet needs. Unless the toilet paper gets water dripped on it from the sink and becomes damp. That totally grosses me out. That makes it seem like it has already been used or something. And, oh yeah, it is still too soft to blow my nose with.

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