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Issues with Tissues

In another one of my more confessional blogs, I have to admit something that my closest friends and family already know.

I have issues with tissues.

STOP LAUGHING!!! I know that it sounds cute and rhymey, but it is a serious issue. It causes awkward social situations. More so than I would normally encounter with having anxiety and being a picky eater.

I think my issue comes from when I was a small child. My mother LOVES tissues. (Facial tissue, such as Puffs or Kleenex.) She would have a box or two in every room of the house. She used to sit on the end of the couch and use like ten tissues in one sitting. She would ball up each one and lob it toward the wastebasket. Now, you need to realize that the wastebasket was at the OTHER end of the couch. All the tissues made a pink ring on the floor around the wastebasket. So, like, the next time she got up (possibly the next morning), she would pick them up and take care of them.

This thoroughly repulsed me!

So, from a young age, I refused to use tissues.

    Reason #1: Because my mom LOVES them.

    Reason #2: Because the texture is awful! Too soft!

    Reason #3: Because they can’t capture my snot.

When I blow my nose, I make a big blow. It cannot be contained by a tissue.

How does this lead to awkward social situations, you ask?

Think about when you are the most upset. When you are crying (for any reason: death, injury, etc.). What do people hand you?

A FRICKIN’ TISSUE!

I am perfectly happy using paper towels for any purpose someone might use tissues for.

So, if you see me in distress, NEVER, EVER hand me a tissue.

Thank you in advance.

* My green-haired friend coined the actual term “Issues with Tissues”.

** I don’t have a fear or phobia of tissues. I just find the texture highly displeasing. I do not have an issue with toilet paper for toilet needs. Unless the toilet paper gets water dripped on it from the sink and becomes damp. That totally grosses me out. That makes it seem like it has already been used or something. And, oh yeah, it is still too soft to blow my nose with.

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Election 2012

I read somewhere the other day (And I don’t know where, but a quick Google search returns many results with similar factoids) that only 5% of the people who will actually go vote in the United States presidential election are undecided.

So, that means, all these millions and billions of dollars being raised and spent on attack ads and campaign stops are only for the tiny undecided 5%? How crazy. What a waste of time for the rest of us. All those unwanted television commercials, phone calls, and junk left on our front doors.

I have my own theory on how people decide who to vote for in the presidential election. I believe everyone has their one big issue, and they side with the candidate who believes the same way they do on that one issue. I think two of the big examples are probably abortion and gun control. Sure, maybe some people use health insurance or taxes or some other point as their main issue. But I think there might be some truth to my theory. Maybe voters don’t even realize they are doing it.

I will admit right here that my deciding issue is abortion. I decided a long time ago that this issue would decide my vote more than anything else. I am pro-choice (although I usually call myself “pro-death”). I believe we are in the middle of a terrible over-population problem that will someday soon cripple this planet. I also believe women should have the right to do what they want with their own bodies, within general reason of course (ex. No abortions after a certain trimester is agreeable with me). I would not vote for a candidate who is pro-life. No matter what their views on other issues were.

This is why, when my asbestos friend talks about running for president someday, I probably would not vote for her. I would be her campaign manager and keep her organized and on schedule (because we both know she would need that!). I would make sure all her necessary forms got filed in triplicate. I would make sure she had a valid birth certificate so no one could claim she was really a Canadian or something. But I couldn’t cast my vote for her.

PLEASE NOTE: This is not a post about abortion. It is a post about theories on how people decide their vote. Thank you.

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