Category Archives: A day in the life

Bright, Sunny Morning

Posted on March 23, 2012 by funnygurl2

I used to ride the bus to school (pure hell, by the way). I would look through the cloudy, scratched window and see the bright, sunny day on the other side that I could not touch. I was so depressed and so envious of the little old ladies who could walk in the mornings because they were retired. The new mothers whose children could ride along on tricycles and didn’t yet know the horrors that awaited them at school. I yearned to trade lives with them for even just one day. I dreaded going to school. All K-16 of it.

Then I had a job I had to go to every morning. Rain or shine or snow or sleet or dark of time change. On sunny days, I would see the old ladies working in their yards. I would see the father training his kids how to show their calves for 4-H. I was so depressed and so envious of them. Sure, I could take a walk outside on my break at work. The problem with that—after 15 minutes, I had to return to work.

I knew the money I made at my job helped to feed, clothe, and shelter my family. But it wasn’t challenging or fun. Spending the morning in the bright sunshine—early, when the nighttime bugs are going to bed and the daytime ones are just waking up, when the drops of dew sit on each blade of grass like a pearl, when the concrete is still cool to the touch from it’s nighttime slumber, when the faint haze is just burning off as the day slowly begins to heat up, like a crockpot full of soup—THAT sounded fun.

Today*, I knew the weather forecast was for an unseasonable 80 degrees. I knew if I waited until afternoon it would be too steamy hot. So I slapped my son into his stroller and we went for a walk. This morning. This beautiful, unseasonably warm morning. I enjoyed it. I felt refreshed.

Today, someone else got to drive by and be jealous of me:)

* Written on 3/21/12

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Sh*t My Mom Says

Posted on March 7, 2012 by funnygurl2

My mom is rude to me. Like, all the time. And I can’t call her on it or tell her to stop because then she will be like “I can’t say anything to you. You always take it the wrong way.” and start crying. I am the only frickin’ family she has and her primary mode of transportation. You would think she could be just a little nicer to me.

My mother is the most negative person I have ever met. She also has a very powerful law of attraction. In 2006, she was diagnosed with stage four kidney cancer and told she had two months to live. She had the kidney removed, had virtually no treatment, and is still here cancer free today. I believe she only survived because she wanted to be alive longer so she could continue to find things to be miserable about.

When my husband asks me what she says to get me so mad and fired up, I usually can’t remember. But with texting, it is much easier to have examples handy. (I taught my mom to text so that I could talk to her on the phone for shorter periods of time and less frequently.)

Whoops…I think my blog might have just turned into therapy.

Examples from Texts

2011
MOM: Warn me if you are going to find religion.

2/12/12
MOM: Since you haven’t bothered to call me back I have to assume you don’t give a shit that I fell on the hard floor in a public place humiliating & hurting myself. 8:09PM
ME: I couldn’t get your voicemail until 8pm & you told me you were fine. 8:10PM
MOM: I believe I said I survived not that I was fine. It scared the crap out of me. I shook much for 5 min after & lightly thereafter. I hurt & did laundry. 8:17PM

2/15/12
MOM: Do you want to watch Columbo? 3:00PM
ME: No. 3:21PM
MOM: I take offense that everything I like you automatically reject. Everything 3:41PM
ME: I like Scott Hamilton. 3:42PM

2/15/12
MOM: Maybe before the end of Feb we could go in am to Martins & then have lunch. We might even do Bobs. Dutch of course. What think? 5:24PM
ME: It will probably have to be after J gets his truck fixed. Not sure when that will be. 5:26PM
MOM: Didn’t know it was sick. What minimum $400 part does it need? 5:30PM
ME: Not sure. 7:30PM
MOM: So J goes to work with the only working vehicle & you are home all day with the baby & can’t go anywhere. Welcome to the life of a 50’s housewife. Ha. 8:58PM
ME: I have nowhere to go anyway. 9:16PM
MOM: Depressing isn’t it? 9:19PM
ME: No it’s nice 7:07AM
MOM: Don’t start giving Tupperware parties 9:34PM
ME: I can do whatever the fuck I want to do. 7:07AM

I’m not stalking you. is NOW ON FACEBOOK! “Like” that I’m not stalking you and get an update when there is a new post to read. (It is sort of like YOU are stalking ME.)

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I am a Shipper, and I didn’t even know it.

Posted on February 22, 2012 by funnygurl2

I have watched Fringe from the beginning. Sometimes the science-fiction element begins to lose me. But I continued to watch because I like Joshua Jackson. And when it started to look like Olivia and Peter could be love interests, I totally rooted for it. Week after week, I found myself frustrated that the writers teased me, and kept them apart yet again.

I often find myself in this situation. I refer to it as the “Moonlighting Effect”. On Moonlighting, David and Maddie got together in the third season. In that case, it ended up pretty much killing the show. I feel like because of that instance, TV writers across the country are now afraid to ever get their male and female leads together. They are so afraid to lose viewers. Well, I am here to tell you, you will lose viewers if you continue to keep characters apart!

I am also rooting for the leads on Castle and Bones to get together. (On Bones, they finally have—thank God! But I feel totally cheated out of seeing their early relationship: post-sex to birth of baby. Anyone who has been in a relationship knows that the first six months or year together is the most fun and exciting.) I have felt SO passionate about this for years, with many shows. I never dreamed it had a name. Or a presence on the Internet. I just always thought I was being a silly romantic recovering TV addict.

Then in my Entertainment Weekly a few weeks ago, they had an article on “shippers”. I started reading it. I had no idea such a thing existed. I had no idea that I WAS ONE OF THEM!!! According to the article “Just Do It” (click here for a related article), the word shipper is “Derived from the word ‘relationship’, a fan who’s deeply invested in romance – or the possibility of romance – between two characters. Shipping runs the gamut between ‘just having fun’ [to] ‘scary-stalker serious’.” I learned from the article that hardcore shippers talk online about their passion, or even write fan-fiction about it. I don’t go that far. But for the right TV-potential-romance, I could. The only time I ever wrote fan-fiction was for the Fearless series of Young Adult books. (More on Fearless in a future post.)

The article mentioned all the shows I have mentioned above: Fringe, Moonlighting, Castle, Bones. Probably the audience for most of these series are drawn to the tangible “will they or won’t they” element because they lack enough romance in their real lives. Why make the audience suffer more? I can be a control freak. I totally should have become a TV writer like I dreamed, so that I could control all these characters and make them do what I want them to.

I’m not stalking you. is NOW ON FACEBOOK! “Like” that I’m not stalking you and get an update when there is a new post to read. (It is sort of like YOU are stalking ME.)

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Oh No You Don’t Go Stealin’ My Piece of Road!

Posted on January 13, 2012 by funnygurl2

Sorry for the lapse in posting. My son had some medical tests and appointments. And we received very good results, so then I got busy emailing people that their good thoughts had yielded a good result.

Passing Lanes. WTF?

Where I live in Michigan, they expand a two way highway to have an additional “Passing Lane”, sometimes on one side of the road, sometimes on both. This usually happens on a main route that is not an expressway.

I HATE THEM!!! I think the envisioned purpose was to allow vehicles going the speed limit to more easily pass vehicles going slower than the speed limit, without having to face oncoming traffic. All they do is allow people who want to speed a chance to pass people doing the speed limit! They are usually preceded with signs that say “Slower Traffic Stay Right”. That makes some sense. That is how it is supposed to work on an expressway. But here are the two things that usually happen when you approach a Passing Lane:

1. People traveling the speed limit merge right. Then when the lane ends and they need to merge back left again, all the fast people will not let them back in. So, you are penalized for following the law.

2. EVERYONE SPEEDS UP. Everyone hits the Passing Lane, and the drivers who were doing 45mph speed up to 55mph. The drivers who were doing 55mph speed up to 65mph. And no one ever gets around anyone, and when the passing lane disappears, the whole line of traffic is in exactly the same order it was to start with.

So, you say you want to know what I do when I come to a Passing Lane? Well, everything in this post runs through my head and I get a little angry. Then I stay in the left most lane, doing the speed limit (or the Basic Speed Law, it if is dark & rainy. Don’t know what the Basic Speed Law is? YOU SHOULD NOT BE ON THE ROAD!!!). Then, when I get to the end of the Passing Lane, I do not need to merge anywhere. I was going as fast as was allowed by law, I stayed in the speedier lane, and I don’t have to fight to get my piece of road back when merge time comes. Winning.

Roundabouts? Oh Hell. Do not get me started on those.

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New Year’s Resolutions – 2012 Edition

Posted on January 1, 2012 by funnygurl2

My first New Year’s resolution for the year 2012 is Total Health. This does not mean that I am going to stop eating and chain myself to a treadmill. Although, my waistline would benefit from such behavior after my “It’s Christmas, I can eat whatever I want”, “It’s my birthday, I can eat whatever I want”, and “My son is having surgery, I can eat whatever I want” attitude. No, Total Health is a manifestation for my family to not get sick or need surgery in this year or the ones to come in the future. This also includes my dogs, as Parker snuck in surgery in 2011 between the surgeries of my son.

My second resolution for 2012 is Financial Fitness. (Or should that have been Total Fitness & Financial Health?) I want my household’s incoming income to be less than the outgoing payments and bills. I want us to have an obscenely huge emergency savings fund. Or, more reasonably, at least begin our obscenely huge emergency savings fund this year and fertilize it to grow in the years to come.

My third resolution for 2012 will probably be the hardest to keep; more so than spontaneous good health and a job in the middle of a horrible recession. I want to Buy American. As much as possible.

It is hard to find Made in the USA products on the shelves of our stores. But I need to take a moment to step back & realize when I could search for the same product online. Or when I am ordering from a catalog (who DOES that anymore?), to only order products that say “Made in the USA” and not the items that say “Imported”. The only website I have found so far is The Made in America Store https://www.saveourcountryfirst.com/. I have not yet ordered from them, so I cannot vouch for their quality or service. But I deeply feel like their cause is a good one. Imagine how much money we could pump into the United States economy if we all bought just one more item Made in the USA in 2012.

Happy New Year everyone!

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