What I Learned This Week – 4/27/14

Posted on April 27, 2014 by funnygurl2

This week I learned that Avril Lavigne had a new music video debut for her song “Hello Kitty.”

I also learned that the media has nothing good to say about it.

You might be wondering why I like songs by a young girl.  But she will actually turn 30 this year.

Then you will wonder why I like songs by a chick who can’t dress her age.  Maybe because I also tend to dress strangely on occasion.

Her music keeps me feeling young.  I have all her albums.

It is a wonderful, candy-coated cupcake land to make my senses dance! Still from "Hello Kitty" video

It is a wonderful, candy-coated cupcake-land to make my senses dance!
Still from “Hello Kitty” video

First, the media was saying that the song was racist.  I’m not sure why.  I read in one article that it was because the Asian women behind her were expressionless as they danced, perpetuating some sort of ‘Asian women are submissive’ stereotype.  I’m not sure what that says about the white women behind Robert Palmer or African-American backup dancers in a rap video.

Then Entertainment Weekly (who I usually love), came out with this article:

A serious attempt to explain Avril Lavigne’s ‘Hello Kitty’ music video  http://popwatch.ew.com/2014/04/22/avril-lavigne-hello-kitty-music-video/

NOTE:  The guy who got assigned to the article didn’t even know that he was supposed to find the video racist.

The article angered me for many reasons.  It compares Avril to every other female artist in the last 20 years. Why?  She has to compete with Katy Perry shooting whip cream out of her tits.  Everyone thought that was a stroke of genius.  Avril is herself. That is who she has always been, even when she was being dissed for her skater girl clothes and pop-punk songs.  The writer also decides to go take advantage of his page space to “go off” on pop-punk.  Guess what?  She is still punk-y and pop-py and wearing her raccoon eyeliner and still selling tons of albums and getting radio airplay.  She must be doing something right.

The article spends more time talking about Gwen Stephanie’s “Hollaback Girl” than it does Avril’s video.  And I rewatched Gwen’s video, and find no similarities.  Gwen’s Harajuku girls are dressed up as gangstas.  What the hell is THAT about?

When the writer runs out of other nonsensical things to criticize Avril about, he start on the grammar of her song.  Really?  Since when are song lyrics held up to the same standards as that of high school English students.

Here is Avril’s response to the racist allegations, complete with more put-downs from EW:

Avril Lavigne responds to criticism that her ‘Hello Kitty’ video is racist  http://music-mix.ew.com/2014/04/24/avril-lavigne-hello-kitty-video-racist-response/

I am mad that the video has poor directing, but part of that could be that Avril used a Japanese director.  They do things different there.

People should be offended that I am pretty sure this song is sooo dirty:

Come come Kitty Kitty
You’re so pretty pretty
Don’t go Kitty Kitty
Stay with me
Come come Kitty Kitty
You’re so silly silly
Don’t go Kitty Kitty
Play with me

Um, is “Kitty” what I think it is?

If anyone should be mad about the video, it should be diabetics!  The song includes the lyrics:

Let’s all slumber party
Like a fat kid on a pack of Smarties
Someone chuck a cupcake at me

If I was a fat kid, I would be offended by that!  And the video is enough to put anyone into a sugar coma.  But I can’t stop listening or watching it because it is so catchy & I find her cupcake skirt mesmerizing.

Here is Avril’s “Hello Kitty” video, so that you may judge for yourself.  It is near 3 million views.

My conclusion is that you should not be mad that the video is racist or cheesy.  You should be mad that it is dirty and sugary.  But hey, it worked for Def Leppard.  (Hey, their NAME isn’t even spelled properly!)

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A Cry For Help

Posted on April 25, 2014 by funnygurl2

The other day my mom was telling (complaining) about things my son does while she babysits him. She said something to effect of that she was glad she didn’t have a boy, because they are more work than girls. I replied, “I am glad I didn’t have a girl. They have too much drama.” I was thinking of two young girls I know, who I love to death, but they are full of drama. My mother replied, “Oh, like when you took the knife out of the drawer in the kitchen while I was doing dishes and threatened to kill yourself?”

Um, no mother. Not like that at all.

FYI–that was a cry for help that you ignored for 20 years and still apparently don’t even understand in hindsight. She never mentioned the event at the time or anytime in the 20 years since, but this is like the second or third time she has brought it up in the past year. I guess it is her best example of me being a bad kid? Her only memory of me as a teenager?

As a teenager, I hid almost all my real feelings about everything from her, because I didn’t want to hear her negativity. I didn’t even know that was the proper word for it at that time. It was only the early 1990s. The book The Secret would not be published for like another 10 years. If I went so far as to put a knife to my skin in front of her, trust me, it was not for drama. I was dead serious.

If only everyone carried signs...

If only everyone carried signs…

I knew I was depressed my senior year in high school. I wrote school reports about suicide. I read Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar. All my friends had boyfriends, but I didn’t. No boys even looked at me.  I couldn’t remember how to smile or laugh. I coped by writing bad, depressing poetry. I tried cutting, because my friend did it. But it wasn’t for me. I got no satisfaction from it. I found the song “Everybody Hurts” by REM too painful to listen to–it was too painful to think that others were hurting as much as I was. That there could be that much hurt in the world.

Back to the phone call with my mom. I tried to be brave and actually give her a glimmer of honesty.

ME:  “I wasn’t being dramatic. Did you ever think that I might need some kind of help?”
MOM: “No, you were just being dramatic.”
ME: “No, I wanted to kill myself.”
MOM: “Oh, everyone wants to kill themselves.”

How does one reply to that????

I told her I had to go and hung up on her. She then texted me like eight more times that day as if nothing had happened.

I’m sorry, but you just blew off my feelings from a major, horrible time in my life.

And she will say things like “Be glad you didn’t have my mother. I was a good mother.” How can one argue with that?

And today I have to go and see her and make copies for her. I have to continue to pretend to be the perfect daughter. I have to pretend not to notice that she doesn’t accept anything about me or my life, even though by most accounts I have it together pretty well. I have to pretend that I am not a writer, that I don’t have tattoos, that I don’t have a blog, that I don’t go to church.

It is EXHAUSTING! And within minutes of being in her presence, I usually blow up at her about something stupid. She is clueless as to why. Usually, I am too. But, most likely, it is from the pressure of trying to hide my true self from the ONE person in the world who should accept me no matter what. She thinks she accepted me because she let me dress as Punky Brewster when I was eight. No. At the time she would make comments like she should be ashamed to leave the house with me looking like that. She still says things like that about that time today. That is not accepting. God, good thing I didn’t turn out gay.

"...the ones who accept you for who you are." So, then I have no biological family? Nice.

“…the ones who accept you for who you are.” So, then I have no biological family? Nice.

It is no wonder I always felt all alone growing up. That I identified with orphans on TV sitcoms. That I still write stories about girls who feel like they have no one in the world, no matter how big the family I write for them is.

This exchange with my mom made me angry.  Angry for me now.  And sad, for teenage me.

The following started as a writing I did in college, a true reflection of my feelings at the time. I converted it into a piece of the novel I am working on. Please don’t steal it:

If Jane’s suffering showed more outwardly, maybe someone would have reached out to offer her help. But her suffering was mostly silent and invisible to anyone who didn’t already know what her regular personality should be. She wasn’t walking past people in the halls missing an arm, leaving a river of blood behind her. To anyone she passed, it would just look like she was having a bad day. As such, if no one person took interest in her, then no one would realize that one day strung together into two days, which then became a week, a month. Depression was invisible. It made Jane invisible as well.

For another depression writing, click here and read THE DRIVING RAIN at the end of the post:  https://imnotstalkingyou.com/2013/02/26/college-sucked/

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What I Learned This Week – 4/20/14

Posted on April 22, 2014 by funnygurl2

This week I learned that my son loves Easter egg hunts.

WEEK-Easter

Last year, he was almost 2 1/2 years old. He really had no idea why we wanted him to collect plastic eggs.

This year, he is almost 3 1/2. I am still not sure if he got the connection that eggs=candy or stickers or money. But he knew he had to grab as many as possible.

While all the other kids at church were lined up on the bright Easter morning, patiently waiting while the pastor explained the boundaries of the egg hunt, I had my arm around my son holding him back as he screamed at the top of his lungs and waved his camouflage Easter bucket in the air.

Oy.

He didn’t used to be like this. He used to be unsocialized, unsure of new situations. It is amazing what a few years will do.

Next we went to his Grandma’s house. There they color-coded the eggs, to ensure all the goodies were evenly distributed between the three participating children. It was a good system. Except my son had already tasted the glory of grabbing as many eggs as possible. His father and I had to reel him in a little.

He also spent his day playing like a crazy boy with the other kids in the church nursery, and playing outside with his cousins.

He ended the day dog-tired, with two big chocolate bunnies (one milk hollow, one white solid), $14, a new T-shirt, two new books, a new DVD, a toy helicopter, and countless stickers and chocolate candies.

I think he might like Easter better than Christmas. Where we live, it is too cold to play outdoors on Christmas!

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My All-Time Favorite Book: Safe As The Grave

Posted on April 16, 2014 by funnygurl2

When people ask me what my favorite book or movie is, I usually can’t rank one above all the others.

With movies, it is because the movies I watch vary greatly across several genres. And also, there isn’t one movie that I am absolutely gaga over. (TV shows fit more into my obsession tastes.) Would I say Jurassic Park or Sweet Home Alabama top the list? Sure. But if you stopped by last week, you will know that I finally decided on “Welcome Home, Roxy Carmichael” as my all-time favorite movie.

With books, I could easily name my two favorite series of books: The Twilight Saga, by Stephenie Meyer and The Fearless series, by Francine Pascal. Out of those series, New Moon would be my favorite Twilight book (for the heart-aching way Bella tortures herself on the flight back to the United States from Italy, soaking up all the Edward time she can, knowing (thinking) he will abandon her again upon their arrival.). #19 Twins would be my favorite Fearless book. It contains the few heavenly minutes of afterglow following Gaia and Ed having sex, before the world starts to fall in on them again.

But, my favorite stand alone book has probably been the same since 2nd grade. I am not ashamed (OK, maybe a little) to tell you that my favorite book is Safe As The Grave by Caroline B. Cooney, a Weekly Reader book, published in 1979. It was given to me by my second grade teacher, Mrs. Raines*. (A lovely woman who still recognizes me when I see her.) She picked out a different book for each student in the class. I like to think that she tried to suit them to our individual personalities. Safe As The Grave definitely has kept my interest all these years.

Safe As The Grave by Caroline B. Cooney, Weekly Reader Books, copyright 1979

Safe As The Grave by Caroline B. Cooney, Weekly Reader Books, copyright 1979

It is a mystery (I HAVE always been fond of Scooby Doo) centering around two 11 year old twin sisters, a missing bejeweled church cross, a dead ancestor, and lots of poison ivy. It is a quick read at only 48 pages.

What does it say about me that I want to be a writer, and my favorite book is only 48 pages long?

[I think it says that I like a story that is very succinct, to the point.  That is also my writing style.]

But it also has pictures! I think the pictures add to the story. I love the blue of the cover. I loved that the main character’s name is Lynn. I love that name, mostly because I always wished Lynn was my middle name. Instead, my mom had to go off and be all original (FYI–I hate my middle name. And no, I am NOT going to tell you what it is!). I think I loved reading about the sisters interactions and bickering because I was an only child. Everything I learned about twin sister relationships I learned from Safe As The Grave and Sweet Valley High books. Any time I had an imaginary family when I was a child, it would have lots of siblings.

“Lynn, who was grubby and didn’t have on matching socks…” p.15

I also loved Lynn’s curious nature. Which, I did not particularly have at that age. Her instinct was to NOT DO as she was told. But I could experience that vicariously through her.

That is what reading is all about!

I also liked that it took place in a (family) cemetery. Because my dad died before I was born, I spent more time than the average kid riding in the car through the cemetery. Probably like five times a week my mom would drive us through. I wonder now if she did that so that he would be in my life in some way. Or maybe she just missed him. Or maybe she just wished she had some backup for raising a kid all by herself. (She has always said that if my dad had lived, they would have gotten divorced anyway. Talk about crushing a small child’s impossible dreams! I told you she was negative!)

I love the morale of the story, that a young girl can solve a mystery that no one else in town has been able to solve in 100 years. It illustrates that kids can come up with original ideas that maybe adults would never thing of, because they haven’t lost the ability to tap into their full imagination, which seems to happen at puberty.

Hey, that reminds me of another movie I like which illustrates the same principle, “Radio Flyer”. Wait. Maybe it isn’t appropriate to say that a movie featuring gratuitous child abuse is one of my favorites. OK, I like everything about that movie except the child abuse. And the bullying.

* CHARMING TIDBIT ABOUT DEAR MRS. RAINES: She never fills up her gas tank before it gets to E, and usually only 20 miles after that. I learned that working at the local gas station 😉

Thank you for the book, Mrs. Raines.  I just reread it today.  And, it is so short, I could reread it again!

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Get To Know Dinky Bossetti

Posted on April 9, 2014 by funnygurl2

I have always had a problem when someone (or an Internet quiz) asks me what my favorite movie is.

1. Movies are not my medium of choice. Television is.

2. Several come to mind, but none seem good enough to be called my all-time favorite.

But when I pulled Welcome Home, Roxy Carmichael off my overflowing DVD shelf today, I knew that I might have a winner. I have watched this movie numerous times over the years.

Photo: Paramount Pictures

Photo: Paramount Pictures

Welcome Home, Roxy Carmichael is a movie starring Winona Ryder. Now, you might think that an 80’s movie starring Winona Ryder was of course a huge hit. But it wasn’t. You probably have never even heard of it. It was more offbeat than her usual offbeat.

In the movie they talk about how bad her hair is. But I would look at this pic and wish mine looked that good. Photo: TV Guide, April 13, 1991

In the movie they talk about how bad her hair is. But I would look at this pic and wish mine looked that good.
Photo: TV Guide, April 13, 1991

I think the biggest reason it was not a hit was that it was a very 80’s movie…that came out in 1990. By then, the world was moving on from big hair and poofy clothes. It actually works in the movie, because it takes place in tiny Clyde, Ohio. You are supposed to get the impression that they are rural and behind the times. But that didn’t come across in the movie previews.

The main young guy in the movie that has a crush on Winona’s character, and she on him, isn’t exactly heartthrob material. Instead of a Jake Ryan from Sixteen Candles, Gerald is more of a wannabe Spicoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. We see how much he cares for Dinky by how he stalks her.

Welcome Home, Roxy Carmichael also suffers because while it stars Ryder, much of the action and story of the film focuses on the adults around her in her life. Her adopted parents struggle with Ryder’s antisocial behavior. Ryder herself clings on to her guidance counselor and the local landscaper as mother and father role models, respectively. (Whoa. I never quite realized that until I just now typed it.) We also become involved in the life of the former best friend who is returning to town, which leads us to…

The fact that while the movie is called Welcome Home, Roxy Carmichael, and Winona Ryder is the lead, she does not, in fact, play Roxy Carmichael. Ryder plays Dinky Bossetti. The audience never even SEES Roxy Carmichael’s face, and SPOILER ALERT, Roxy never, in fact, returns home.

So, it is a teen movie featuring adults. Or an adult movie with teens, I’m not sure. It is a movie behind its time in fashion and moral. But a bit ahead of its time, in that it does contain a big gay reveal for two of its characters. And a disappointing departure for a Winona Ryder film, in that she does not in fact lose her virginity in this one 😦

I believe I always deeply connected with this film not because of the large amount of carpet samples, but because it shows that no matter what your family looks like, as a teenager, you just don’t fit. Anywhere. EVER!

I watched this movie the morning of my high school graduation on HBO. It perfectly echoed everything I felt about my school career that would be officially ending in a few hours. From the scene where Dinky tries to make herself more attractive, only to end up on the school bus floor, to finding that you can’t make the world fit what you want it to be, you have to find a way to fit into your world (wow, deep).

The bus floor grime is highly realistic. So are the cafeteria horrors that she endures. The costumer dresses her in dog tags, hoodies, and boots to illustrate her anti-social tendencies.

Wait…that is what I wore in high school. Hmmm. Was I too cool to care what I looked like? Ahead of my time? Or just horribly dorky? These are rhetorical questions.

There was something fitting about her sitting on the lawn in the pink floofy dress, eating ice cream with Gerald and his new braces at the end that made me know everything would still be hard, but it would be OK.

Many other great things about this movie that I would rather list than try to fit into paragraph form:

My favorite quote from the movie:

“It’s good to want things.”

Dinky says it to Gerald, and he later turns around and uses it on her. It is applicable to tons of real-life situations.

Gosh, and I forgot to mention Melissa Etheridge’s great version of the central song in the movie “In Roxy’s Eyes (I Will Never Be The Same)”. We find out that Roxy Carmichael is only famous because a singer made her the object of a hit song. But, as an audience, we believe it, because Etheridge wrote and belts out a REALLY great song.

Or the other fine quote: “I’m gonna laugh at you someday Gerald Howells.” I want to say that to many of my former classmates.

Or the work of the always excellent Jeff Daniels, proud Michigan native, resident (30 miles to my north in the land of Jiffy Mixes), and friend of Adrian College. Daniels always plays such likeable characters, and he is good-looking. My best friend and I were going to stalk him one night, but she was driving and she chickened out. (I would not have.)

The school counselor: That’s a funny analogy.
Dinky: I’m here to amuse.

AND ALMOND ROCAS! Welcome Home, Roxy Carmichael really plays as a giant Almond Roca commercial. I had never heard of this candy until I saw this movie. And then it would be another 20 years before I would actually see them in stores and try them. Soooo yummy, by the way.

“Dave, don’t be a cliché.” In the movie, this is told to a pig trying to steal another animal’s food. I tell it to my dog when she tries to pee on fire hydrants.

The movie also featured a great supporting cast of Dinah Manoff, Stephen Tobolowsky, Robin Thomas, and Micole Mercurio.

I feel like I am the only person out there who ever saw and/or loved this movie. Although that cannot be true, because it was released in DVD. So, if you are out there, please give me a shoutout.

BONUS MOM RANT: Oh, and FYI, the morning of my high school graduation my mom wanted to clean the bathroom after her shower, but before mine, so that when my gramma came, it would be clean. Except my gramma came over once a month or so, she had seen our bathroom dirty before. And my mom almost made me late for my own graduation because she just had to clean the bathroom.

 

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