Right Side Only

I’m weird.

My brain works in weird ways.

This should not be news to anyone who has read any of my blog posts. (If you haven’t, then what the f*ck are you waiting for!)

We have already established that I mismatch my socks.

YOU: Why DON’T you match your sox? MY REPLY: Why SHOULD they match?

I wore jeans to my own wedding.

At certain points in time, I have had pink hair.

But I have another quirk as well…

I prefer to wear jewelery only on the right side of my body.

Now, I am right-handed. My mom says that right-handed people usually wear watches on their left wrists, so that they will not be in the way.

That doesn’t work for me. I can wear jewelry on my right hand or wrist without it bothering me. But if I wear jewelry on my left hand or wrist, it drives me crazy all day. I feel like I am being tied up and held prisoner. I just can’t stand it.

When I turned 18, I wanted to do something rebellious. Being a goody-goody, my desires never took me further than the ear piercing chair at the nearest mall. I already had my ears pierced, with the standard one hole in each of my two lobes. But I wanted to do something my mom would not approve of and get them double pierced (a second set of holes in my earlobes).

But to be even edgier and more different, I decided to just get one ear done. If you are keeping count, that means I would have three piercings total. Because of my aversion to jewelry on the left side of my body, I got it in my right ear. Now, I know, at least back in 1994, getting an ear pierced in one ear or the other had special meaning. If you got a single piercing in one ear as apposed to another, it might mean that you were gay. I had my reasons for getting it in the ear I did. I decided not to allow the external factors of the world affect my decision. Then again, I hope it wasn’t the gay side because at that time I was very much trying/hoping/praying to get a man into my life.

It was my first body modification to demonstrate to the world that I am not the complete goody-two-shoes that I seem. I hate that I look like a big giant geeky plain Jane, with my glasses and crooked teeth and nothing remarkable to speak of. (I AM INTERESTING, DAMMIT!) This is very important to me in my life. I would later get two tattoos as well for the same purpose.

I was worried about my mom’s reaction to my new earring. I wore my hair up, down, whatever. She may have colored my hair in that time. Six months, and she never said a thing. I figured she must have seen it, and just decided to say nothing.

Then one day she did notice. She was all mad–AFTER 6 MONTHS! Her discovery sort of lumped together with other unpleasant events at the time. I actually used that all as a jumping off point to write a story back then. I hope to release it in a short story collection someday.

FYI–I do not ever recommend getting a piercing done at an accessories store at the mall. My eighteen year old rebellious earring was done too close to the existing hole. (Although I guess it wasn’t too bad because I have kept it all these years.) Many years later I tried to get a cartilage piercing in my right ear as well at Icing. The piercing gun literally got stuck on my ear. Then the piercing never did heal up correctly. I ended up having to take the earring out and let it grow shut. There is still a small lump there where it was for such a short time. I think that is when I switched to tattoos.

God, I do love the feel of a needle through or against my skin.

Pain is sexy.

OK, where was I?

So, everyone in the Western World is probably asking the same question right now:

“Funnygurl2, what about your wedding ring?”

I will tell you the truth, that I wear it on my right hand every day. And I realize that society puts certain connotations on that as well. Screw society! I was up front with my husband about which hand I would wear it on before we were married, and he had no problem with that. And I am not a beauty who has to beat off other guys anyway, so he has nothing to worry about.

My right hand

Occasionally, I will put my ring on my left hand.

For brief periods of time.

When I want to remember something.

You know, like the old “tie a string around your finger so that you will remember” type of thing. The ring annoys the Hell out of me, so I usually take care of whatever it is I needed to remember quickly.

Yes, it’s weird. I am weird.

But it is only after I began to embrace my weirdness that I have started at the very beginning of the path at being happy with myself. That could have started the day I got my third earring. I have learned by sharing my weird views on the world, I can often make others laugh. I REALLY LIKE to make others laugh (Note: Different from laughing AT me.). And now I think we have come full circle to my blog 😉