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Re-Post: Picky Eater

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Reposting as this is such a part of who I am.

You can find the original post and comments here:

http://imnotstalkingyou.com/2012/06/29/picky-eater/

I was out to eat with some ex-coworkers recently at a nice restaurant someone had spontaneously suggested. I had no chance to research the menu online ahead of time, as I normally would. It turned out it was a seafood place. The typical conversation ensued as I looked at the menu.

CO-WORKER: You should try the seafood blah-blah. It is really good.
ME: I don’t eat seafood.
CO-WORKER: Aren’t you a vegetarian?
ME: No, I don’t eat vegetables either.
CO-WORKER: Then what do you eat?…You’re a picky eater.

I should have ended this exchange with “Pop Tarts”. But I didn’t. I admit, it is a little paraphrased. But I know how the conversation goes. I have had it a ton of times over the course of my life. And “You’re a picky eater” is always said as an accusation. I wonder if it is the same way people react when they find out someone is gay.

Mmmmm…

I EAT:
well done steak
pizza (just cheese or with green pepper or onion or ham)
cherry poptarts (strawberry* and brown sugar are
acceptable, but not preferred)
corn
potatoes
carrots (cooked)
yogurt
mac & cheese
bacon
pork
chicken
turkey
chocolate
ice cream
cole slaw
lettuce (but it hurts my stomach)
hot dogs
well done hamburgers
white rice
white or wheat bread
banana
apple
pre-peeled oranges
strawberries
pre-cut melon
pop
lemon
lime
select kinds of cheese (NOT KRAFT)
honey mustard
honey
eggs (but not a big fan)
pancakes
waffles
oatmeal
raisins
grapes
nutella
celery (cooked)
ketchup
BBQ sauce

I DO NOT EAT:
pineapple
coconut
seafood
mushrooms
cottage cheese
American cheese (unless it is from McDonald’s)
salads
chives
mayonaise (unless in Deviled Eggs)
potato salad
macaroni salad
butter
coffee
all fruit and vegetables not listed in the “I EAT” column
sausage
brown rice
olives
tea
oreos
walnuts
beans (except jelly beans)
mustard
ranch
red onion
foreign food of any kind, except tacos and quesidillas

* delicious strawberry flavored death!

Now, I realize my “I EAT” column looks like it belongs to a toddler. But in truth, my toddler eats a more well-balanced diet than I do. But I have stayed alive all these years on this fine American processed food. And I grew another being while eating this food.

You have to realize, being a picky eater isn’t a choice. I was born this way. It is a curse. It is a burden I must bear. Some of the foods I don’t eat I have tried and hate, like pineapple and coconut. Some smell so bad, I would never want to put them in my mouth, like seafood and coffee. Some I have never even tried and have no desire to, such as tea.

Actual conversation outside Teavana at the Franklin Park Mall:
SALESMAN: Would you like to try a sample of blah-blah tea today?
ME: I don’t drink tea.
SALESMAN: Oh, then you should try blah-blah. It has a very un-tea-like taste.
ME (thinking): Um, if I don’t drink tea, then obviously I don’t know what it tastes like then, do I?

Think of all the social situations that food plays a part in. I always had packed lunch at school because I wouldn’t eat the school lunch. The entire four years I commuted to college, I never ate in the dining hall. (I used to get nachos from the snack bar occasionally, that was it.) At work, I rarely bought anything from the cafeteria. Potlucks are their own minefield. It is amazing how many dishes have hidden sausage or mayo or cream of mushroom soup.

Chicken nuggets, anyone? Yummers!

Recently, at a family event, I had the following exchange with an Aunt who is the most prim and proper person. She would believe she has excellent manners.

AUNT: (looking at my plate) Is that ALL you are going to eat?
ME: Yes.
AUNT: Are you a picky eater?
ME: Yes.
AUNT: You don’t want any this or that?
ME: I’m good. I found some things. Thanks.

Isn’t it bad manners to make a guest feel bad about what is on their plate?

Why no green pepper?  I can't ask.  Heart racing, breath quickening. Photo: mlive.com

Why no green pepper? I can’t ask. Heart racing, breath quickening.
Photo: mlive.com

Cici’s Pizza is a nightmare for a picky eater with anxiety issues. Cici’s is a pizza buffet. They put out like 20 kinds of pizza at a time. But, of course, nothing for a picky eater. You can ask for any kind of pizza and they will make it for you and add it to the buffet. Except you have to be able to get past your anxiety and open your mouth and ask for it and not fear the rejection you expect to come.

As a life-long picky eater, I worry the rest of the world wants to reform me. (I know, I worry too much.) That they want me to broaden my horizons. I feel like the world thinks if I am forced to eat something, I will like it and eat it forever and ever. It is another way I feel that I am different. That I am wired wrong. But I should stop thinking that way. Because everyone else has their issues.

Some people overeat. Some people undereat. Some people smoke. Or drink. Or do street drugs. Or prescription drugs. Or run marathons. I don’t judge those people. (Well, I do judge the ones who run marathons. I judge them to be crazy.) Being a picky eater is my thing. Hey, I know. Let’s start calling it “selective eating”. That sounds more politically correct.

Yes, I am not wired THAT much different than everyone else. I am just a selective eater. And addicted to caffeine. And I mis-match my socks. And I have issues with tissues.

If I was a character on a sitcom, I could write great jokes about myself. *sigh*

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My Latest Obsession: OUTLANDER

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Diana Gabaldon book or Starz television series?

YES.

It is all the fault of the Starz advertising department.

Outlander advertisement featuring Claire and Jamie

Outlander advertisement featuring Claire and Jamie

They plaster my Entertainment Weekly magazine with advertisements for the television series. Last fall, they only let me watch the first episode on their website–that was all.

Wet my appetite, but don’t let me actually binge myself. Aye, tis shameful, it tis.

Don’t they realize I like romance. And time travel. (See my affinity for The Terminator here.) Although not particularly the time periods of 1945 or 1743. Well, 1945 is alright if Kyle Chandler is involved. (See my affinity for ABC’s Homefront here.)

Like an idiot, I liked the Outlander Facebook page. Now I willingly torture myself with advertisements for a show that I do not have the channel to actually watch it on.

I swore I would buy the DVD of Season 1: Volume 1 when it came out. Then I got cheap.

I had had it. I had to consume more of the story of Claire and Jamie.

I asked my asbestos friend who has a large book collection and reads everything if she had a copy of the Outlander book. She did not. At this point, I remembered that my son had forced me to get a library card at Thomas DVD-point a few days prior.

Maybe it would come in handy for me as well!

I asked the librarian if they had the book. I knew they would have it in their collection. I didn’t count on it being checked out. They asked me if I wanted to put a hold on it. Turns out, they had the DVD too! Which is what I really, really actually wanted. Hold them both!

Why the F is Jamie wearing pants?

Why the F is Jamie wearing pants?  He NEVER wears pants.

A secret that isn’t a secret: I prefer television to books. Are you going to come to my house and take away my writers card now? Fine, but purchase one of my books on your way out. If I had been born 20 years later, I would be making my own home TV shows and editing it on a Mac right about now. But, alas, I was not.

A day or two later, I was at the library for their Used Book Sale. I tried to manifest a copy of Outlander. Although I was early to the sale, no such luck.

The next day, I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I bought the Outlander book from Target. (Why couldn’t I wait for the library copy? Hello! An active obsession MUST be fed.) Dang thing is huge! I have never read a book that long. I am used to YA books that are around 300 pages that I can read in one night.

Yes, I typically read a single book in a 24hr period. Even if a book isn’t wonderful, I still must press on and find out how it ends. I think I only got 2 hours of sleep when Breaking Dawn came out before finishing it. (Especially when I hit the vampire baby part. Damn.)

I started the book, but couldn’t stop reading it. Historical romance isn’t really my thing, I will be honest. Descriptions of how to make medicines from herbs and put your corset on where keeping me from the parts with Claire and Jamie together that really made the book buzz. So I kept skipping ahead to the parts where together and “together”.

After spending all day Monday reading and not getting a lick of anything done in my house, I had to take drastic measures. On Tuesday, I put the book in the freezer. Not because it was scary, just so that I would quit reading it and get some damn work done!

Friends Trivia: Joey puts scary books in the freezer.

Friends Trivia: Joey puts scary books in the freezer.

But, well, then the library emailed me and said that the DVD WAS IN!

I stayed up until 2:45AM that night watching the first six episodes. Finished the next two episodes (including WEDDING) on Wednesday. And it was GOOD. I especially love that when they were getting married, she realized she didn’t even know his real name. It was a little slow for the first few episodes. I will admit, adding robots with red eyes to the story to liven it up did occur to me. But in the end, they proved unnecessary. And the dialogue was easier to follow than Pride and Prejudice was. Most likely this was because while the Outlander series takes place a long time ago, it was written by a chick in Arizona in the 20th & 21st centuries.

Wedding night jitters?

Wedding night jitters?

Now, to see if I can rewatch all the episodes one more time before the DVD is due back. And I hope I finish reading the book before my obsession subsides. (Unfortunately, I never made it through the eBook of Pride & Prejudice before that happened. But that could just be an eBook thing.) I wonder when I will stop talking like a wee Scotsman, aye?

It is going to be a long time before I get to watch Season 1: Volume 2. *Sigh* Do people start crowdfunding campaigns for such things???

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Real-World Chemistry

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Just the sight of this textbook scares the crap out of me...

Just the sight of this textbook scares the crap out of me…

To me, when I was in school, we spent a whole lot of time on really boring stuff that had absolutely no application to the real world in which we would some day need to survive in on our own. It might also be why so many people ended up just living in their parent’s basements, working part time jobs to try to pay back student loan debt.

Case in point: The metric system.

We don’t have a meter stick at home, we have a yard stick. My husband goes to the lumber yard for a piece of 6 foot drywall or a 2″x 4″, not 6 meters of drywall. Yet in school, they spent all this time [trying to] teach us the metric system and didn’t teach us the U.S. measurement system that is actually in use in regular lives daily. I still don’t know how many feet or yards are in a mile. I was never taught that in school. Good thing I have it on a ruler from a McDonald’s Happy Meal.

Next point: Balancing a checkbook.

In high school, I took math classes up through Trigonometry. Pretty advanced math. I got mostly A’s and B’s. I didn’t understand any of it. When I went to college, I had to take a test to see if if I would test out of all the math classes. Nope. I ended up taking Algebra a second time. I still don’t understand it.

You know what I also have trouble with? Balancing my checkbook. It has to rank up there are one of THE most important tasks you have to do regularly as an adult. When did they teach that to us in school? Formally, never. Informally, during a Junior Achievement exercise in 7th grade. And my mom taught me.

I never took Chemistry in high school. It was taught by a man who had already failed to teach me Algebra and Drivers Ed, and he made my skin crawl. So why would I waste more time in a class with him with subject matter I was not remotely interested in?

When I got to college, I evaded Chemistry class as well. I took lots of Psychology and English classes instead.

But lately, I can’t get this idea out of my head. It keeps popping up in my day-to-day life.

What if they taught a high school class on Chemistry that kids could relate to? That would interest them? Chemistry is all around us in our daily lives. What if we could understand our normal lives better, and not learn about super-colliders, or whatever?

I had this brainstorm while coloring my hair. How many high school girls (and guys nowadays, I suppose) color their hair? Total chemistry. You have to take the one magic bottle and place it into the other magic bottle. What is in those bottles, exactly? Why do they react to change your hair color? Make your scalp burn? Why will it possibly explode if you recap it after mixing? I would love to know these answers!

The other day my husband and I were at a craft show. We had a long conversation with a lady who had a booth full of homemade soap. My husband expressed that it smelled great, but he was afraid that it would dry out his skin.

She went into a long explanation about how the longer the soap sits after it is made, the pH has more time to change. This causes the soap to be less drying. She sounded super-knowledgeable. I had never heard that stuff before. She could have been making it all up just to make a sale.

But, if there was a Real-World Chemistry class, that would be a GREAT experiment! And all the students could have yummy smelling soap that they made to take home.

My husband loves to make homemade silly putty with a mixture of glue and cornstarch. I don’t understand it myself, but he always has lots of fun. EXPERIMENT for Real-World Chemistry!

Yummm.

Yummm. Cinnamon rolls.

The other day I made cinnamon rolls, the kind my mom used to spend 5 hours making me for my birthday when I was a child (I always loved them more than cake.) The kind that you have to put yeast in, let them rise, beat them down, then let them rise some more. It was frustrating to find just the right amount of heat in my kitchen to make it rise. Then I noticed the recipe at one point said the dough should be “elastic and smooth”. Low and behold, over the past several hours and kneading, it had changed to just that. But how?

I find this topic very frustrating. Kids should at least know the basics of the world around them. Isn’t there always a big drive to get girls more interested in science?

HERE IS YOUR ANSWER!

And boys would take the class, thinking it would be an easy A, then accidentally learn something.

I don’t want other kids to avoid the subject altogether as I did. Now I can’t answer clues on Jeopardy. And I don’t understand joke T-shirts and throw pillows with periodic elements on them :-(

Periodic Table T-shirt

Periodic Table T-shirt. Is it funny? I can’t tell!

Periodic table throw pillow

Periodic table throw pillow. Is it a statement about science or texting? Or both!

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What I Learned This Week – 4/5/15

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I have been saving up, so here a few things I learned over the last few weeks.

I learned that my first book signing made me feel like a rock star. I got to see friends and family from far and wide that I almost never get to see. A former coworker even bought me a flower.

I can’t remember the last time I had flowers!

My cousins brought me my dad’s army jacket.

I didn’t even know that it still existed!

Did I sell some books? YES!

Did I sell enough to become independently wealthy? Eh, no. But there is always the next appearance. Keep checking my Events page for details.

I have also learned that my boy is a genius.

I know, every parent thinks that about their own kid.

And I admit, my child might actually be an evil genius.

After missing 3 out of 4 days of preschool one week for a fever, my son became accustomed to watching the Disney Pixar movie Cars twice a day.

My son went to school the next Monday & Tuesday, although he tried to talk his way out of it. By Wednesday, he was like “I’m sick. My ear hurts. I have to stay home. Call my teachers and tell them I won’t be in. We can watch Lightning McQueen, then maybe we can go visit Grandma.”

I told him he could a) go to school, or b) stay home and go to the doctor. He chose option b.

The pediatrician was like “It is a little red in there. Hard to see around all the wax. Here is a prescription for antibiotics.”

Oy. That doesn’t exactly prove that my son was playing me, but pretty much, ya.

Last week, it was “I can’t go to school. I’m sick. My hand hurts.” The next day it was “I’m sick. Both my hands hurt.” I asked why he didn’t want to go to school, and he said “It’s boring.”

Oh no. That is exactly what I used to say all the time. I have raised a mini-me.

Hope you had a hoppy Easter.

Hope you had a hoppy Easter.

After seeing the Easter Bunny talking to kids at the mall, my son asked me a ton of questions, including, “What does the Easter Bunny do at night?” I replied that he goes to sleep. I was corrected.

“No. He takes off his costume and goes to bed.”

Right.

My first book, The Wind Could Blow a Bug is NOW AVAILABLE!

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First Booksigning This Weekend!

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For those of you in the Southeastern Michigan/Northwestern Ohio area, I wanted to mention that I have my very first book-signing event this Saturday.

Come out and buy a book!

See what a dork I am in real life!

Event info below. Remember, you can keep up-to-date with my events at anytime by checking my Events Page. Thanks!

Saturday, March 28, 2015
11:00AM – 2:30PM
Author Fair
Adrian Public Library
143 E. Maumee St.
Adrian, Mi 49221
517-265-2265

My first book, The Wind Could Blow a Bug is NOW AVAILABLE!

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The Hart of Alabama

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Why is it that women always seem to be looking for and finding love in Alabama?

It happens in the movie Sweet Home Alabama. It happens on the TV series The Hart of Dixie. And in the book called The Wind Could Blow a Bug.

I am writing this post in honor of the season finale of Hart of Dixie airing this Friday. While the CW has thus far stayed mum, the cast have all been pretty public that this is the end of the series.

Hart of Dixie's Wilson Bethel

Hart of Dixie’s Wilson Bethel

You probably don’t remember a little blog post I wrote three years ago about Hart of Dixie. The link is here. And I still feel the same way. That the show just never quite lived up to its potential. And a large part of it might be that the show has several fundamental connections to The O.C. The O.C. nailed it with almost every episode. Maybe I just never got used to the slower feel of things in Bluebell. Hell, the first season was over before I realized I was supposed to have paid attention to the background townsfolk every week. That made re-watching season one, and watching new episodes going forward, much more enjoyable.

Josh Lucas & Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama (2002)

Josh Lucas & Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama (2002)

A few weeks ago, I was daydreaming on a cold Michigan winter day about sunny Alabama (or at least as it is portrayed by various other location shoots on my television) and a thought occurred to me:

Hart of Dixie and Sweet Home Alabama have a few things in common.

1. They both feature petite career women from the big city.

Rachel Bilson as Dr. Zoe Hart and Reese Witherspoon as Melanie Carmichael, hoity-toity fashion designer. And in both cases, the big city is NYC.

2. They both feature a blond guy who looks amazing with his shirt off.

Wilson Bethel as Wade Kinsella and Josh Lucas as Jake Perry.

3. They both include a dark-haired man as the “logical” choice in the love triangle.

Scott Porter as lawyer George Tucker and Patrick Dempsey as rich guy Andrew Hennings.

4. The lead female in both instances seems to only be sure of her “bad boy” choice once he makes something of himself. (Which, HELLO, totally NEGATES the “bad boy.”)

Wade gets series about owning his own bar, while Jake takes his love of glass to the next level.

5. They both include weddings affected by storms.

George and Lemon’s wedding was pushed from the town square into the old, rundown fire station, until it was eventually called off altogether. Melanie runs from her groom Andrew as the winds pick up and the rain starts to pour.

Lesson to be learned here: No outdoor weddings if you are a fictional character in Alabama.

6. They both include a friend with a big mansion house.

Lavon’s large mayoral mansion is the setting for many of the high-jinks in Bluebell, including the guest houses where Wade and Zoe reside.  Melanie holds her ill-fated wedding with Andrew at the Carmichael estate.

These are just a few of the things I noticed off the top of my head.

I will be very sad to see Hart of Dixie go. It may not have always fulfilled my craving, but I faithfully watched it every week. Sometimes Hart of Dixie nailed it. Like when Wade has to sing Crazy Earl down off the roof, and we discover that Crazy Earl if actually his father. Or when Zoe makes a date with the mysterious stranger in town, only to find out he is Wade’s brother.

I don’t know what the writers originally planned for Zoe’s love life, but it was always Wade for me. <3

Zoe playing doctor with Wade

Zoe playing doctor with Wade

Did I wet your whistle for some more romantic adventures in Alabama? My first book, The Wind Could Blow a Bug is NOW AVAILABLE!

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Spring: Time for Self-Improvement

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Do you really want to look back on your life and see how wonderful it could have been had you not been afraid to live it?
–Caroline Myss

I seem to be having a bit of a mid-life crisis. But, “You are not that old!”, you say? Well, thank you. And the people in my family don’t live to be very old, so, I kinda am.

I decided I needed some self-improvement in my life.

All at the same time, I started:

1. Taking St. John’s Wort supplements to balance my mood.
2. Reading a book called Warrior Goddess Training by HeatherAsh Amara
3. Reading a book called Self Talk, Soul Talk by Jennifer Rothschild

I think I forgot to add caffeine...

Mood Enhancers: I think I forgot to add the caffeine…

I read the books at the same time because although Rothschild’s book is based in Christianity and Amara’s book is based in Shamanism, they cover similar territory.

Self Talk, Soul Talk explains that even if you are only calling yourself an “idiot” silently in your own head, you will eventually begin to believe it. Part One of her book helps you to identify the bad thoughts in your “thought closet” as she refers to it. OK. Check. Lots of badness in there.

Part Two of her book is broken into seven things that you should tell your soul. Her section on “hope” explained it in a way I don’t think I have ever thought of it before. I underlined passages as I read, and the book might work better that way for me. To go back and just review key passages, instead of trying to make sense of a whole chapter at a time. This isn’t a bash against her book or writing style, it is the fight in me trying to resist change.

Warrior Goddess Training was more interesting to me because the information was being presented to me in a new way. While I have never attended a Sunday church service regularly, I have grown up for decades in the USA where I have been surrounded by Christian ideals every day that I have always failed to fully understand. Warrior Goddess Training is based on ancient Toltec tradition. The book is divided into ten lessons where you find your True Warrior Goddess self by accepting how you are instead of feeling bad about it. “Our deepest healing occurs when we learn to be our own best friend, companion, and cheerleader,” Amara writes.

Amara discusses how there are three parts to yourself: your judge self, your victim self, and your Warrior Goddess self, who sometimes just has to tell the other two to shut the f’ up. (I’m paraphrasing, of course.) There was an activity in the book where the reader was asked to rewrite the old stories from your past that you keep telling yourself, but that are no longer true. I found that exercise pretty helpful.

“When you open your heart to yourself, quirks and all, you change the world.”
–HeatherAsh Amara, Warrior Goddess Training

Both books lost me when they tried to tie their ideas to a religious/ideological framework. Rothschild used tiny phrases from the Bible to illustrate her points. While they were nice, I am always skeptical if you can’t even cite an entire sentence to illustrate your thoughts. It is easy to take things out of context that way. That is how all the political ads words on TV come election time.

While I liked the positive sentiments in both books, at the end of the day they both didn’t sit right with me. Self Talk, Soul Talk says to me that I have no control over my life, because it is all God’s plan. In Warrior Goddess Training, it states: A Warrior Goddess does not try to control life or even understand it. Our job is to consciously choose what we are aligning with and then let go…

I must be a control freak, because if I can’t have control of my life, then why am I here on this planet at all? And it goes against what I believe about the Law of Attraction, that you can bring the things you want to you. I have lived and seen that for myself. Not always, but enough to believe.

So, I now know what good stuff I should be putting into my mind and heart, but I still haven’t changed my thought processes to make those things my default. I also haven’t cleaned out the old junky stuff that is bothering me. I think I would benefit from reading the books again, individually. Maybe then the information would sink in better.

I think, overall, the St. John’s Wort has been most effective. Mostly because I can’t remember to change my thinking many times a day, but I can remember to take a pill three times a day. And, you know, there is always the placebo effect…

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What I Learned This Week – 3/22/15

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This week I have learned that I am watching Netflix original programing faster than I can review it for you.

The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt I devoured in a week. It was offbeat and fast-paced, but I could follow-it, unlike 30 Rock, the previous show by creators Tina Fey and Robert Carlock.

I can’t get this joke out of my head: “That man could sell snow to an Eskimo. Or a Pontiac Aztek to…someone.” See more about Pontiac Azteks here.

I love the theme song for the show, which appears as a autotuned mash up of news coverage from Kimmy and the cult’s discovery. I especially love how it is used in a long story arc to illustrate the dangers of today’s instant celebrity.

I just started watching the new Netflix drama Bloodline. I am watching it because I LOVE Kyle Chandler. (Homefront fans, head over here.) I also like Linda Cardellini.

But after two episodes, I am not a fan of this show. It has that shaky camera-work that directors think is cool, but it just annoys me. You have a budget; go buy a tripod. And the storytelling is very slow-moving. And so far, I don’t really like ANYONE in this family. How am I supposed to root for anyone or care about them? They could all go get blown up on a boat for all I care. And Kyle has experience with that on Grey’s Anatomy. It feels like a series that should be on HBO or Showtime. I am not really into those.

Photo: facebook.com/BloodlineTV

Photo: facebook.com/BloodlineTV

I will continue to watch at least a few more episodes to see if it improves.

There, you have been updated.

My first book, The Wind Could Blow a Bug is NOW AVAILABLE!

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Finding Imperfections

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When I was in college, I worked at a gas station convenience store.  It was there that I learned of my latent love of finding food past its expiration date.  It was like being a detective!  After I found all the food that was expired, then I would find items that the expiration date was soon approaching.  Baby food was good for this.  No one in two years ever bought baby food at that gas station.  I started checking the dates in other stores.  I just couldn’t help myself.  I learned that a nearby grocery store’s lunch meat selection was a great place to find goods past their date.

I also like to find grammatical errors, especially in printed signs, labels, and paperwork.  It gives me a thrill.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  My writing is in no way error-free.  I am sure you can find many of them on this very blog.  But, I just expect that printed items would be proof read a few times before going to print.  Labels on products from China with bad translations are such easy targets. They don’t count. Recently I found a typo on the ABC.com website. Hello! You are owned by freakin’ Disney. You can pay someone to proofread the website.  Maybe me;-)

This obsession carries over to other things as well. I get giddy when I see a business that is clearly closed, who have left for the night and their neon “OPEN” is left on. There was a towing business on my back way home from work who would more often than not forget and leave their’s on.

The manual I had for my Pontiac Aztek had a very blatent error in it. (I sooo wish I would have scanned it so I could show you. But, alas, it is now gone with the car. To Florida. Lucky car.) On one page, it said that you must close the tailgate before you close the glass liftgate, or you would risk breaking the glass. Several pages later, it said that you must close the glass liftgate first before the tailgate, your you could break the glass. (For the record, the first one was correct.)

Four Paws Safety Seat Support Harness

Four Paws Safety Seat Support Harness

The packaging on the Four Paws Safety Harness never ceases to make me giggle. It actually says, “Helps protect your pet from injury while driving.” It makes it sound like the dog is actually going to be driving and steering the car. I realize that maybe to someone in England or something it might sound proper. But it seems like it would sound more universally appropriate if they rephrased it to just say “Helps protect your pet from injury while riding”?

I used to go with my husband to visit his mom at a nearby campground. She had a neighbor that would let us borrow their golf cart to drive around in. Right on the steering wheel was a list of how to operate it correctly. There was a typo on it.

AT LEAST three typos on this!

AT LEAST two typos on this!

Do you see? Those are the kind of idiosyncrasies that drive me crazy. Not so much grammar on social media, because that is just a lost cause. But printed materials: labels, signs, books. They should have some degree of accuracy, shouldn’t they?

And now I would like to put my eyeballs where my mouth is. I want to use this talent for good, instead of evil.

I am going into the editing business. I will proofread books for things such as grammar, punctuation, spelling, and capitalization. I can also do services like typing up resumes or other documents. Let me know what you need, and I will let you know if I can do it. Please check out my new “Editing” page. I will list all the details there as they become available.

Don’t hesitate to contact me if you could possibly use my services.

My first book, The Wind Could Blow a Bug is NOW AVAILABLE!

PURCHASE as a Paperback or eBook on Amazon.com TODAY.

There Is Still Time to Enter!

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In case you missed it, I have a great giveaway going on for a FREE copy of my book The Wind Could Blow a Bug!

The Wind Could Blow a Bug by Jennifer Friess

The Wind Could Blow a Bug by Jennifer Friess

Contest ends at midnight EDT on 3/18/15.

For complete details on how to enter, please read here: http://imnotstalkingyou.com/2015/03/12/excerpt-the-wind-could-blow-a-bug-chapter-19/

My first book, The Wind Could Blow a Bug is NOW AVAILABLE!

PURCHASE as a Paperback or eBook on Amazon.com TODAY.

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