Tag Archives: job hunting

My company is dead.

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My company is dead. They are finally going to close. I am relieved. Everyone else seemed stunned. I’m not sure what world they live in. The company has had a string of bad CEOs since I started in 1999. As a company, we did crazy things, like cut all our ordering by 30% for the holiday season, when the holidays are when we would have the highest sales. We also ignored a sector of the business that was high margin & high sales.

When I applied for jobs or went on interviews, I was always worried they would offer me the job, then I would have to make a decision if I should take a job with less pay and benefits, or stay with a job that could end any day or move 20 miles further from my home. See, a relief.

Now I will have to go all-out job hunting. I am ready for it. I think. Much more ready than all the previous times my company had layoffs in the past. Hopefully my new job will not have a 50 minute commute.

My Real Resume

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ROLES & RESPONSIBILITIES

Wife
-Population Control
-Domestic Administrator
-Chef
-Personal Shopper
-Budget Overlord
-Time Management
-Scheduler
-Zookeeper
-Records Archive Director
-Historian
-Psychic
-Hair Stylist
-Concubine
-Closet Organizer

Mom
-Part-time Nanny
-Teacher
-Nurturer
-Photographer
-Diaper Quality Inspector

Daughter
-Chauffeur
-Technology Expert
-Furniture Mover
-Entertainment Committee
-Slave

Homeowner
-Wildlife Relocation Specialist

Asbestos Friend
-Thrower of Baby BBQs
-Accomplished email time suck

SPECIALTIES

Specializing in entertainment trivia, offbeat humor, & good hygiene.

Skills
-10 key calculator
-Disaster preparedness
-First Aid administrator
-Amateur weather prediction
-American Red Cross Dog First Aid certified
-Blogger Extraordinaire

Education
-Was on high school honor roll 22 of 24 marking periods.
-Accomplished this while watching 58 hrs of television a week.
-Graduated .03 GPA from a summa cum laude in college.
-Learned not to be different in any way thanks to Middle School.
-Only missed one word all year in 4th grade spelling (stupid “Caynon”. I MEAN CANYON!!!).
-Co-Editor of high school newspaper.

Desired Salary
$2,000,000 the first year, and $1,000,000 each year thereafter, plus a $1,000,000 signing bonus.
Fame to go with my fortune would be considered a bonus.

Will you be my Facebook friend?

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I gave in & signed up for Facebook. I didn’t want to, but I feel as though there is a slim possibility it could help me get a new job. Maybe through networking, or maybe updating a company’s Facebook could end up being part of my job. Plus, I think it makes me look like I can figure it out. Which, at this point, I haven’t quite done yet.

I resisted Facebook for a very long time, as you can tell by the year on the calendar reading 2011. Mostly because when I had a MySpace.com account (I know, no one has them anymore, I don’t even have mine, don’t give me that face), none of my friends would sign up & be my friend on it. I can hold a grudge for a very long time. Also, I believe that Facebook is a giant time suck. I don’t like my life being sucked away. And people always seem to get more into Facebook AFTER they have kids. How can that be? My kid needs constant feeding & diapering & attention & holding & does not like to sit in front of the computer (the pictures on the screen don’t move as often as on the TV).

So, last night, within a half hour of me creating an account, my inlaws & my inlaws’ inlaws had found me & requested to be my friend. And I accepted, because I got all excited that people liked me. I forgot that I wanted to learn how to use it before I started adding people and looking like a dork. I am also too new at Facebook to realize that someone wanting to “friend you” doesn’t really mean anything except they like to watch the count of their friends increase. They would probably friend the rear side of a donkey if it had a bow tied to it’s tail. (What?)

My friend said that she sent me something on Facebook today. I asked if I would be able to find it. She said I would see it when I logged in. I logged in. I told her,”All I see is a whole pile of crap from everyone else.” She responded: Well, yes. Thats pretty much a summary of facebook. “A whole pile of crap from everyone.” I figured out I needed to click on my name to see only my crap. Next up: figuring out how to upload pictures of my adorable child.

The good news is one of my best friends from high school, who was the maid of honor in my wedding, who I have not heard from in 5 years, friended me already. Maybe she will drop me a line sometime in the next 5 years. Here’s hoping.

PS–So far Linkedin is WAY more addictive than Facebook. What could be more fun than connecting with coworkers, former bosses, and updating your resume 12 times a day:)