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Tag Archives: dream

Dreams – Part Two (Adventures in Dreamland)

Posted on November 2, 2012 by funnygurl2

To read about the evolution of my dream journal, please read Dreams – Part One (Dream Journal) https://imnotstalkingyou.com/2012/11/01/dreams-part-one-dream-journal/

When I dream about home, I most often dream about the trailer I lived in between the ages of 8 and 23. The other night I even dreamed that my son was there, which is really weird because that place is long gone. My son has never been there. He wasn’t even a glimmer in my eye last time I was there.

This where i am when I dream of home. The saddest picture ever. I came of age in that home, and then it was just pulled out to the curb to be sold for best offer.

I also dreamed I had to grab my son and hide with him under the bathroom sink in the half (more the size of a quarter) bath because mobsters were coming to shoot us. (The whole time, I kept thinking in the dream, “Was there really enough room for me to hide under that sink?”) When I woke up, I was scared of the mobsters with guns blazing, of course, but not surprised. I have dreams of people with guns chasing me every so often.

Illustration from my dream journal about my recurring wrist dream.

The first dream I can ever remember having was also one of the few recurring dreams I have ever had. That was when I was really young – 4 or 5. In my dream I was wearing my blue hooded sweatshirt and running away from bad guy sin a big grey factory. There were big tanks and all sorts of walkways from the ceiling. The bad guys saw me and shot me. I help up my wrist and there was just a hole through it with black sides. No blood, not a realistic wound. I could look right through the hole in my wrist at the bad guys.

What terrible person would chase this girl through a scary factory and shoot her through the wrist?

Here it is in poem form:

The recurring dream

On a night i no longer remember
i got tucked into bed
covered up my head
and my mind turned on me

they are after me again
gun in hand
faster still i run
till this hole in my wrist is done

my blue-hooded jacket
among all the metal
the metal that passed right through me
without me noticing

they are after me again
gun in hand
faster still i run
till this hole in my wrist is done

fast-moving among the rafters
their steps echoing on the catwalk
thump-thump-thump
like my little heart

they are after me again
gun in hand
faster still i run
till this hole in my wrist is done

ducking behind the giant tanks
doesn’t matter what is in them
maybe it is the blood
that doesn’t flow from me

they are after me again
gun in hand
faster still i run
till this hole in my wrist is done

i can’t see their identities
just dark forms ever-moving
why don’t i stop & face them
the faceless

they are after me again
gun in hand
faster still i run
till this hole in my wrist is done

i’m scared, it’s dark
i run
but it’s all familiar
deep down
it is all a part of me

they are after me again
gun in hand
faster still i run
till this hole in my wrist is done

i’ve got you now
but you can’t protect me
from what only the night can see

they are after me again
gun in hand
faster still i run
till this hole in my wrist is done

i still can’t see
who i was meant to
grow up & be
this life is just a blur to me
as i run

they are after me again
gun in hand
faster still i run
till this hole in my wrist is done

i have a good life
but it is hard to see
looking through this blackened
hole in me

they are after me again
gun in hand
faster still i run
till this hole in my wrist is done

with roots like these
i can’t leave
but still I try to shake free
imagine it all some other way

they are after me again
gun in hand
faster still i run
till this hole in my wrist is done

i want what i don’t have
i don’t have all that I want
i’ll never be satisfied
with this empty hole

they are after me again
gun in hand
faster still i run
till this hole in my wrist is done

it’s eating away at me
still i run further
i can see them chasing me
always chasing me
my most vivid unreal memory
–JLS 05/11/06

I guess maybe that symbolizes my anxieties that I can run, but not hide from. They continue to pursue me.

I heard a kid in school onetime say that his mother had told him that if you dream the same dream three nights in a row, it will come true.

Shortly after I heard this, I had two dreams about my dad in about four night’s time. I was so terrified I would have the third dream and it would come true that I couldn’t sleep for several nights. The third dream never came.

The first dream, if I can remember, was my dad came back and we were talking in the kitchen. (My dad died before I was born.) He thought I should be happy to see him, but I was really mad. I was yelling at him that, “It was wrong you weren’t here all those years. I had to grow up without a dad. Do you know how terrible that is? You want me to just forgive you?”

But in the second dream, he wanted to take me away with him and I was no longer angry. I was asking him questions and was really curious. I never did give him an answer in that dream. After I woke up, I was afraid if I had another dream that I would say “yes” and I would die in my sleep in order to go with him. It scared me very much.

I dream about tornadoes every so often. The dreams reflect my real life feelings about them. I am scared to death, but also very fascinated by them. The thought of a tornado coming for me is terrifying (This time, its personal?). Yet, the thrill of a tornado warning trip to the basement or watching a storm chaser show on TV is exciting. (Once my husband and I drove through an area that had been hit by a tornado two weeks earlier. Not a pretty site. So devastating. I couldn’t even bring myself to take pictures.)

I am out of the habit of writing down my dreams nowadays, but this dreams was very “powerful” and, once you read it you will see that it just begs to be included in a blog post. I have used it to show the format for which I record my dreams. (Click the picture to enlarge.)

As I come to the end of this post, I am torn. Do I go back to a dream journal as a means of greater understanding of self? Or do I face the fact that I am adult with too many other responsibilities in my life right now?

Hmmm…Maybe I will sleep on it.

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Posted in A day in the life, Childhood Reminiscing, UnProfessional Photography & Artwork, Unusual Poetry & Writing and tagged Anxiety, being chased, Being Human, Castle, dead dad, diary, dream, dreams, interpretation, journal, poetry, shot, Tornado!, trailer, wrist. Bookmark the permalink.

Dreams – Part One (Dream Journal)

Posted on November 1, 2012 by funnygurl2

I kept a dream journal from 1994 until a few years ago. When my best friend in high school was interested in witchcraft, we used to go to the Barnes & Noble to look at the books about it. I wasn’t as interested. I looked at the dream books, which were conveniently located right next to the witchcraft.

The Dream Game by Ann Faraday

I was already interested in my dreams and writing them down, when I bought a book called The Dream Game by Ann Faraday. It taught me two things. The first was that the most important thing you can do is to keep a journal of your dreams. The reason for this, as I experienced firsthand, was that as you try to remember your dreams to write them down, in time you remember more dreams and remember them more clearly.

The second is something I can’t be sure, but I think it was in the book. I got the impression from the book that people’s dream diaries could be collected and studied. And so, this strange assumption drove me to diligently collect and interpret my dreams for almost 15 years. It is something I have mentioned in my blog before. My desire to be famous, although I really have no talent for anything that would easily translate into fame. So, I jotted down my dreams for years, thinking that someday when I died off as an old grey-haired lady, maybe someone would study them.

My very first official dream journal

I never did finish reading The Dream Game. I am always meaning to reread it, but haven’t. Even now, it is in my bedroom waiting to be fully read. My first dream journal shows signs that that book made a big impression on me though. Besides the date and description of each dream, the back contains an appendix of:

Number of instances of people and objects/themes in my dreams

What cities I was in in my dreams

Places in my dreams

How many dreams I had per night

(These categories would all be so great to put into a spreadsheet, now that I know what one is). It is strange that I started a dream journal as I was starting college. Those four years were the least sleep I have ever gotten in my entire life. Mostly I seemed to dream about my friends, the boys I liked, and the college building all my Communications classes were in, and Christmas (?).

Later, after college, my dream journal evolved. I no longer kept stats at the end of each volume. My interpretations sometimes became longer than the dreams themselves. My green-haired friend inspired me to add additional content to my dream journal. It now contained email conversations from my friends and pictures clipped from magazines of my favorite bands. It morphed into a real journal, which gave the dreams a nice framework in which to be interpreted within the context of my everyday life and influences. It also became much bulkier and more time-consuming.

For a while I tried to write down my dreams in the middle of the night, but they seldom came out legible. Then I started writing them down in the morning when I woke up, but having to be to work on time interfered with that. So then I started putting my dreams and interpretations into emails when I first arrived at work that I sent to my friend and kept a copy for myself. (I am sorry to everyone who had to spend the time to delete them out of their inbox daily.) At a later time, I would cut it off of the 8 ½” X 11” papers and glue it into my journal.

The Secret Language of Symbols by David Fontana. While not strictly a book on dream symbols, I often used this book in interpreting my dreams.

Type and paste was a great technique to get reasonably timely dream details and interpretations recorded for posterity. But, it created a tremendous backlog of loose-leaf dreams that needed to be compiled into the journal. At one point, I was two years behind. Then my mom had her kidney removed and I got caught up during her recovery. Then I got two years behind again. And then I just threw that stuff in a Paperchase storage box and called it a “dream box” and gave up.

Now I am relegated to telling my groggy husband my dreams before I get out of bed in the morning, which he promptly forgets or never hears in the first place. I contemplated making a separate blog to store my dreams in. I thought that would make it funner. But that also seems like a lot of work for something I wouldn’t really want people who don’t know me to read. What if I dreamed about someone and they read it? And conversely, if a person didn’t know me, why would they give a rat’s ass about my nocturnal adventures?

Come back tomorrow for Dreams – Part Two (Adventures in Dreamland) https://imnotstalkingyou.com/2012/11/02/dreams-part-two-adventures-in-dreamland/

I’m not stalking you. is NOW ON FACEBOOK! “Like” that I’m not stalking you and get an update when there is a new post to read. (It is sort of like YOU are stalking ME.)

Posted in A day in the life and tagged Ann Faraday, backlog, David Fontana, diary, dream, dreams, interpretation, journal, kidney, organize, Paperchase, witchcraft. Bookmark the permalink.

Wedding Jeans

Posted on August 23, 2012 by funnygurl2

The gazebo in the park we got married at

As a general rule, I do not wear dresses. Or skirts, for that matter. I don’t wear them on a normal day, to work, or to job interviews. The one exception I make is to wear them to weddings. Other people’s weddings. Not my own. Intrigued? Read on…(And no, I did not get married in the nude!)

My then-boyfriend and I had talked about marriage, but he wasn’t ready to propose to me yet. At twenty-four, he still felt he was too young to get married. But I was still thinking about my wedding, anyway. I was not one of those girls who day dreamed about her wedding for years and what white poofy dress she would wear. Nope. I think about high school age I decided my dream wedding would be to get married in Las Vegas by Elvis. I am still waiting for that wedding. *sigh*

So although my boyfriend hadn’t proposed to me, I was still wondering what I would wear to my own wedding. I knew a big white dress was out. I must have thought “If only I could just wear jeans”. And that is how the “wedding jeans” were born.

Reception

Do you remember how I like unusual sewing projects, such as the pharmacy giraffe, Christmas stockings, and the Werecart? Well, you can add wedding jeans to that list too. I bought all the white patches I could find. Most featured flowers or hearts. I put them on the legs and back pockets of the jeans. Then I bought thin white ribbon and iridescent seed beads. I sewed the ribbon along the tops of the pockets, and down the side seams of both legs. Then I sewed the seed beads on top of the ribbon. By hand. Sewing through a denim seam is no picnic. I bent several needles in the process.

Now, when I started this project, I kept saying I wasn’t really going to wear the jeans for my wedding. But once my future husband saw them being made and how cool they were, he told me I had to wear them. That he would make me. It is a good thing I started them like 6 months before he proposed, because I think I worked on them for a year. I had them ready a few months before we were married. My jeans were a little too big. Which was unfortunate, because I couldn’t try to wash and shrink them now, as it would have ruined the decorations. So I made a white and yellow ribbon braided belt for them. Sort of dorky, but it did the job.

Now, the hard part was finding a shirt to wear with it. I pictured something white and billowy, sort of like a pirate would wear. Not my usual style, but it was for my wedding day. I bought three different white shirts and I was unhappy with all of them. I ended up wearing just a plain white T-shirt. (I am still looking for the perfect shirt to this day. And if I found it I just might buy it.) On my feet I wore my favorite sandals–pretty basic, brown leather. In my hair, I had baby’s breath put into a half a French braid. The bottom of my hair was curled and hung free.

Ta-Da! The Wedding Jeans. (Front View)

On our invitations, we put “Casual Attire Suggested”. We had our wedding and reception outdoors in August, so it was a little warm. It was a sunny day, no rain. My husband wore a gray shirt and black pants. My bridesmaid wore a denim skirt. We got married in a city part that was just a block from our apartment. (We walked to our own wedding.) We had our reception in my mother-in-law’s backyard, with hamburgers and hot dogs. I didn’t have to worry about changing my clothes or “bustling” anything. I didn’t have to worry about wardrobe malfunctions (although I am sure that I probably worried anyway). In our wedding pictures, my husband and I have genuine toothy smiles, not the kind we usually give for pictures where we keep our mouths closed to hide our crooked teeth. All out smiles.

Wedding Jeans (Rear View)…Hey, quit staring at my ass!

My advice to anyone is to have your wedding your way. And ask for lots of help. I tried to do too much on my own. No one ever said a word about my wedding jeans. Which means either everyone liked them or knew how to be polite. What happened to Vegas, you ask? Well, we didn’t have our wedding there because my husband wanted his family to be able to come and they could not have all made it to Vegas. So my plan was that we would go to Vegas to get our vows renewed for our 5 year anniversary. Didn’t happen. But we should definitely go do it for our ten year anniversary–8/23/2013.

HAPPY 9th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY TODAY TO MY HUSBAND!

Who doesn’t read my blog, but he supports me writing it, which may be even better.

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Posted in A day in the life, UnProfessional Photography & Artwork and tagged advice, casual, cheap, clothing, denim, do it yourself, dream, dress, fashion, giraffe, handmade, homemade, inexpensive, jeans, Las Vegas, marriage, outdoor, pharmacy, proposal, reception, summer, unusual, wedding, Werecart. Bookmark the permalink.

My Dream of Being on a Game Show

Posted on July 31, 2012 by funnygurl2

I grew up watching Card Sharks, Classic Concentration, Press Your Luck, The Price is Right, and Jeopardy on television. I always played along, as if I was a contestant out in sunny California right along with them. When I watched Jeopardy, I even trained myself to always answer in the form of a question.

See, I always believed that someday I would get to compete on one of those game shows for cash, fabulous prizes, bragging rights, and the chance to be on TV. Other people dream of getting their own reality show or having a video of having their nuts hit by a ball on America’s Funniest Home Videos. I wanted to beat the Whammy on Press Your Luck and solve the puzzles on Classic Concentration. I never knew exactly how I would have enough money to get out to California to compete. But I believed, so much so that I kept notebooks from high school and college filled with information. I believe some day in the future I would use them to study for Jeopardy. Around 2000, I finally got rid of them. I lived in a small apartment with a large amount of clutter. I gave up on my dream.

Recently, following my layoff, I started watching “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire”. I realized I am pretty darn good at it. I started playing it on Facebook, although I soon discovered I do not like how the set up differs from the television version. Then I saw I could play Jeopardy on Facebook. Then during the Jeopardy show they said you could go online and take the contestant test. But by the time I was able to, the website said they had reached their maximum number of testers.

Card Sharks

So, what now? I bought the Wii version of Jeopardy and I kick my husband’s butt. I wish I had the “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” Wii game as well. Maybe I should see if it is easier to get onto “Millionaire?” New York is within driving distance…

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Posted in Childhood Reminiscing, Entertainment Worship & Review and tagged Alex Trebek, Card Sharks, cash, Classic Concentration, contestant, dream, fabulous prizes, game, Jeopardy, Meredith Viera, notebook, Press Your Luck, show, television, The Price is Right, TV, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. Bookmark the permalink.

Disney’s Next Hit Movie: “Sister From Another Mother” starring Ashton Kutcher

Posted on July 10, 2012 by funnygurl2

Who’s your Daddy?

I had a dream about an Ashton Kutcher movie. In the movie, he had knocked up two chicks within a year. He saw both the girls and their mothers only briefly now and then. The one mom and daughter were bitchy. The second mom and daughter were nice. They both started putting their daughters in beauty pageants. Ashton would go and cheer them both on. They are like six and seven years old. Then the good mom gets sick, so Ashton has to take over as the pageant mother. At first the other mom and daughter just laugh at Ashton and the good daughter. But then they feel sorry for them and help them out, learning to not be so bitchy. I figure Disney could make it. It would remind people of The Parent Trap.

My husband wanted to know what I would call it. I would call it “Sister From Another Mother”. Then you could have a sequel without Ashton called “Sister From Another Mother: Summer Camp”. Then you could have the straight-to-DVD “Sister From Another Mother: School Dance”.

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Posted in A day in the life, Entertainment Worship & Review and tagged Ashton Kutcher, beauty, bitch, daughter, Disney, dream, father, mother, movie, pageant, Parent Trap, Sister From Another Mother. Bookmark the permalink.