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I Have Written All My Life (Doesn’t Everybody?)

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I have always written stories or poems, almost all my life. I didn’t realize that not everyone does this. Only recently did it dawn on me.

Does that mean my career calling should be to be a writer? I have been spending 37 years trying to figure out what I should be when I grow up.

Is writing the answer?

"The Worst Snow Storm!" My first book.

“The Worst Snow Storm!”
Commentary:  My first book.

I made my first book a long, long time ago (but in this galaxy). It had a cohesive plot, but questionable spelling choices. You’ll have to excuse that fact–I had no editor, and was only in elementary school myself. It even had characters of varying ethnicities–one family was white, the other was black. That must have been the influence of 1970’s and 1980’s cartoons, which all had a token black character on the cast, because I didn’t even know any African-Americans at that age. The story wasn’t a school project or anything. I just made it all on my own, at home. I was very proud of it, because my mom put it in the scrapbook.

"Bobby Jones and Marty Cargo one day planned to play on that day.  But they had a snow storm." Wow.  Snow's so thick, I can't see a thing!

“Bobby Jones and Marty Cargo one day planned to play on that day. But they had a snow storm.”
Wow. Snow’s so thick, I can’t see a thing!

All through school, I would write stories every chance I could for class assignments. It made an assignment easy for me to complete. I would also write at home, just for myself. I would skip lunch during high school to write in the computer lab (much less chance of getting picked on or having food thrown at you). When I had a big depression my senior year, I became a prolific poet. I took lots of English classes as electives. I took the AP English class, but not the placement exam. I even took a one week summer writing workshop held at a local college.

"They asked their moms'.  Their moms' said, "No! You cannot go out." Smart moms.

“They asked their moms’. Their moms’ said, “No! You cannot go out.”
Smart moms.

One of my favorite teachers was my English teacher. We will call him Mr. C. He also happened to be the adviser for the newly formed school newspaper. I wrote a story or two for it. The next year, I ended up as the Co-Editor, which I actually really enjoyed. It was just kind of a happy accident that I ended up with that position (and because no one else wanted it). It helped to make my college applications not look so naked.

"But they went out anyway far, far away.  And they built a snowman.  While they were building a snowman it started to snow."

“But they went out anyway far, far away. And they built a snowman. While they were building a snowman it started to snow.”

In college I was busy, but I still wrote. During that time, I wrote one of my favorite stories. It is kind of goth. I used poetry at that time to once again get me through depression. I was a Communications major, with an emphasis on Radio and TV Broadcasting. I filled in the gaps between classes for my major and prerequisites with English and Psychology classes. I took so many English classes that the head of the department told me to make it my minor. He let me do an independent study to work on some stories and get a 400-level class on my transcript. (That would be an unfinished story that wasn’t good, and I wish I wouldn’t have wasted time on it.) (I could have minored in Psychology as well, but I didn’t want to have to take a statistics class, which was required to have it be an actual official minor.)

"After they were done with the snowman, they were very, very cold.  They would go home, but it was too far away." Damn, look at those goodsebumps.  They were REALLY cold.

“After they were done with the snowman, they were very, very cold. They would go home, but it was too far away.”
Damn, look at those goosebumps. They were REALLY cold.

My first full-time job, I found other creative-minded types. We read each other’s old stories. We wrote and emailed poems to each other throughout the day. They also were interested in dream interpretation, as I had been for years.

"When Bobby's dad woke up, Bobby's mom told him that Bobby was gone.  And when Marty's dad came home from work Marty's mom told him that Marty was gone." The mom's sure look happy about that.

“When Bobby’s dad woke up, Bobby’s mom told him that Bobby was gone. And when Marty’s dad came home from work Marty’s mom told him that Marty was gone.”
The mom’s sure look happy about that.

Really, the only time I can remember not writing was while my mom was sick. I spent one evening a week doing her grocery shopping for her, two nights doing her laundry, and usually taking her to a doctor’s appointment as well. And I worked 40hrs a week, plus a 2hr daily commute. She about killed me. I didn’t have time to write at that time. I didn’t even have time to think. Even though she got a clean bill of health a few years after she was diagnosed, I was still doing all those errands for her. I had to put an end to it when my son was born. Literally, like 10 minutes after I walked into my house from the hospital.

"So they went out and looked and looked for their boys." Sorry.  Too lazy to rescan.

“So they went out and looked and looked for their boys.”
Sorry. Too lazy to re-scan.

I went back to work after my maternity leave on the exact same day my company filed for bankruptcy. I also went back in a new position (my former lateral position that I had interviewed to get back into had been eliminated while I was off, so I was starting a new lateral position. Got all that?) where I got to work on one of the company’s blogs. It was fun. I found out a co-worker had a personal blog. This peaked my interest. Plus, I could read the writing on the wall. I knew I needed to add some new mad skills to my resume. So, I started this blog, got on Facebook and LinkedIn, and figured out how to actually use my Twitter account.

"They found their boys and picked them up and took them home." Wow, frozen solid.

“They found their boys and picked them up and took them home.”
Wow, frozen solid.

While hanging out at home with my son, I found more time to blog regularly than I would have anticipated having. Regularly publishing posts got me followers. Followers made me try to think up more content. This made me dig out an old story from high school, my only intent being to jazz it up a little, then post it on my blog.

That led to me deciding that I might be able to combine it with more short stories, and do one of those self-publishing dealios.

In 6 months time, that has led to me finishing 2 young-adult (short) novels, and starting a third in the trilogy, with plans for 2 bonus books.

My original goal is to have one self-published by year’s end. I am thinking the writing may be the easiest part of the equation.  I don’t know anything about royalties or percentages or designing book covers, etc.  And at first, well, I thought an e-book would be good enough to fulfill a dream.

But, well, a physical book with a cover with my name on it, filled with words spilled forth from my brain, is so tempting I can taste it. That was my first vision when I made that book out of crayons and pencil.

Trust me, when I get to that point, you will all know. imnotstalkingyou.com will be book-hawking central.

You know, I have also always had a love to art (drawing, painting, photography). Hmmm, maybe that is my real calling…

"They got home and laid their boys down, covered them up, and gave them some soup." This story has been sponsored by Campbell's Soup.  Mmm-Mmm Good.

“They got home and laid their boys down, covered them up, and gave them some soup.”
This story has been sponsored by Campbell’s Soup. Mmm-Mmm Good.

Unknown Book Quote (Do YOU Know It?)

At the moment it happened, the first shooting stars were crossing the sky – they were beginning to stream across like strings of jewels flung from another planet – and everyone was watching them. The smaller children were exclaiming in delight, while the older ones stood silent and enthralled. Here on the hill, where the valley people often came to watch the glittering night unfold, you could see the whole magic sweep around you, and you felt close to everything in the heavens. Other people, you knew, were standing on other hills on other worlds, watching even as you watched.

–Unknown (to me)*

Do you know what this quote is from? Oh, of course I KNOW.

I found it in a book I randomly took off the shelf in the middle school library. The paragraph above was the beginning of the book. I thought is sounded so awesome, that I copied it down. And I thought it was so great that I have kept it for all these years.

What book was that?

I don’t know. I didn’t write down the title.

What was the rest of the book about?

I tried to read it, but the rest of the book didn’t live up to that paragraph. So I stopped reading it. Like on page three.

So, you see, in my old age I can see the err of my youth. Even though I still do not intend to ever read the whole book, it would be a nice piece of mind to know WHAT THE BOOK WAS CALLED!!!

Something else kind of bone-headed I have done pertaining to this quote? I have never made another copy of the quote (until now). It is written in red ink on a piece of typing paper (yes, that is what it used to be called in the old days) & then folded up till it was 12th of it’s normal size. Not the easiest to find when you are searching through old boxes of wanna-be witchcraft non-precious gemstones and two filing cabinets containing everything you have written in your life, including elementary school reports.

So, by putting it on my blog, I accomplish two things at once.

1. Maybe someone out there will know what the quote is from (If I find out, I will totally give proper credit on this post).

2. I now have another copy of this quote that I can semi-easily find when I want it.

UPDATE!:  * This has been identified first in the comments by Dane Jackson as being from “The Forgotten Door” by Alexander Key.   Thank you to everyone for reading and helping me!

Gay Little Tootle

Some people can critique classic works of literature until the cows come home. Whole college courses can be based on picking apart the subtext of a single book. I am not one of these people. I needed Cliff Notes to make sense of Othello.

I do see an underlying theme when I read the children’s book “Tootle” to my son. In a general sense, I believe it is trying to teach children to follow everyone else and do not dare to be different or yourself.

I believe more specifically that the purpose of the story is to convince those that might have gay tendencies that they should “stay on the tracks” and lead a heterosexual life. I will attempt to showcase my points below.

TOOTLE, by Gertrude Crampton, Random House, 1945.  All Rights Reserved.

TOOTLE, by Gertrude Crampton, Random House, 1945. All Rights Reserved.

Synopsis: Tootle attends the Lower Trainswitch School for Locomotives, but soon is distracted from his studies when he realizes he enjoys playing in the meadow more than staying on the tracks.

CHOICE OF WORDS

On the first page of the Little Golden Book edition is the following:

“The young locomotives steam up and down the tracks, trying to call out the long, sad TooOooot of the big locomotives. But all they can do is a gay little Tootle.

About halfway through the book is the line:

“It’s queer. It’s very queer, but I found grass between Tootle’s front wheels today.”

Now, I am not stupid. I know that the words “gay” and “queer” were not exclusively used to describe homosexuals in 1945, as we tend to use them today. But, both words in the same story? Add that together with the overall story, and I feel like the presence of these two words helps to prove my point.

SYMBOLISM

What is Tootle’s impetuous for leaving the tracks he knows that he is not supposed to leave, no matter what?

A horse.

Not just any horse. “A fine, strong black horse.”

It just sounds like Tootle was rolling past a gay bar (rather than the meadow in the book), and was seduced off the path of good (the tracks representing heterosexuality) into a life of filth and shame.

“When Tootle got back to school, he said nothing about leaving the rails. But he thought about it that night in the roundhouse.”

What else was he doing at night in the roundhouse as he thought about it?

Tootle comes upon a meadow full of buttercups.

He exclaims “How I should like to play in them and hold one under my searchlight to see if I like butter!”

To me, this symbolizes Tootle wanting to try out the gay lifestyle. In the next breath, his conscience is saying to him “Do you like butter? Do you? It is almost like the writer is implying he hears evil voices in his head, like when the little devil stands on your shoulder in a carto0n. Except apparently Tootle’s devil is in his wheels.

I mean, why would an engine ever say that? Even an anthropomorphic engine in a book. Thomas would never go off his tracks (intentionally).

There is lots of dancing whenever Tootle goes off the tracks into the meadow. And Tootle also seems to always wear flower chains while he is dancing in the meadow. Like he has to put on his club clothes before he goes out dancing or something.

Tootle is seen chasing butterflies by the Mayor. Is that 1940’s code for “fairy”?

The whole town has to come together to get him back on track (Get it?). They use red flags to stop him from continuing his meadow-playing ways. It makes me think of church folk telling him he will go to hell (Beware the RED flags!) if he continues down his sinful, trackless path.

The tracks. I can’t help but think, since Tootle is a male engine, that the tracks must symbolize his path to the female vagina? If it was “queer” and “fun” for him to play off the tracks in the meadow, then the normal route down the tracks must be boring and average.

THE MORAL

The book starts of and ends with Tootle being told to aspire to be a “Flyer”. The Flyer is fast. Probably too fast to ever have time to think about getting off the tracks.

Once reformed, Tootle exclaims:

“This is the place for me. There is nothing but red flags for locomotives that get off their tracks.”

He learns to “Stay on the Rails No Matter What”. As in, stay on the track to the life you are supposed to lead, the heterosexual one.

Embrace conformity! For it is the only way!

My son loves Thomas and all things trains, but I feel bad reading this book to him.

I mismatch my socks every day. I used to have three piercings in two ears. I have tattoos. I got married in jeans. I wear my wedding ring on my right hand. I live my life as “anti-conformity” as I can, while still being overly responsible and dependable.

If it leads him to a better path, I want my son to leave the tracks. I want him to follow the path in his heart, not what the Lower Trainswitch School for Locomotives (school) tells him, not what the townspeople (religion, society) tell him, if it is different from what is in his heart.*

I heard this story as a child, and thought nothing of it.  Now it perturbs me every time I hear my husband reading it to my son.

Maybe it is time for this children’s story to be retired.

 

* Except he is NEVER to become a vegetarian.  That is just not cool.

Hogwart Discovers Christmas

Page from my scrapbook featuring Hogwart the hedgehog.

Hogwart the hedgehog sniffed the air.
Then she stretched herself out until she looked ever so long,
And let out a big yawn.

She opened her eyes and looked around.
It was just after supper time.
The smell of turkey & mashed potatoes was in the air.
Yummm.  She licked her lips.

“There you are, Hogwart,” Jason said.
“I was afraid you might sleep through Christmas.”
What is Christmas, Hogwart wondered.

Jason reached into Hogwart’s cage and picked her up.
Hogwart didn’t like being picked up.  She did like Jason.
He always gave her treats and played with her.

Jason put Hogwart on the floor.
She ran over to sniff the big green thing that had
appeared in the house a week ago.
It smelled nice, and it glowed.

“Hogwart, be careful of the Christmas tree.
It is not safe for you to play with.”
More of this Christmas stuff.  What could it be?

Hogwart climbed into a box that held a warm sweater.
She tried to nestle into it, but Jennifer picked her up.
“No Hogwart, that is my sweater, not yours.”
I don’t care, I just want to sleep on it, Hogwart thought.

Then Hogwart started to run through the wrapping paper and bows.
This is fun, she though, and so pretty.
She found a candy cane, all wrapped up, and tried to figure out how to open it.
“No Hogwart, that is my candy cane.”
I just wanted to taste it, Hogwart thought.

Then Hogwart smelled something especially yummy.
She ran over to a pretty package.  She couldn’t see in it.
It wasn’t opened like all the others.

Hogwart looked at Jason & Jennifer and they were smiling at her.
“Go ahead and open it!  That one is yours, Hogwart.”
Hogwart sniffed it and licked it and then she bit at the paper.
When it came off, Hogwart had a box of crickets!
Yummy!  Yummy!  Yummy!  Hogwart liked them better than ice cream.

“Merry Christmas Hogwart!”  Jason and Jennifer said.
Oh, this is Christmas, Hogwart thought.
It is when people are extra nice to each other
And trees come indoors to keep away from the cold.

Christmas is making everything pretty.
Christmas is happiness and love.
Christmas is crickets.

Merry Christmas

Love,

.2”””\

©JLF 12/11/01

* The use of the name Hogwart in no way indicates a connection to J.K. Rowling or her works.

What I Learned This Week – 12/2/12

This week learned that the Fearless books are being re-released in new editions.

Simon Pulse, All Rights Reserved


FEARLESS! I FRICKIN’ LOVE FEARLESS!

To remember how much, please click here: https://imnotstalkingyou.com/2012/03/14/fearless/

Simon Pulse, All Rights Reserved

I saw these at Walmart and left a big puddle of drool on the floor. The new covers are hauntingly cool, although I hate change, so I will always like the first generation of covers the best.

I almost bought them for the sake of having them and supporting the series, even though I already own them all. What stopped me was the typeface. In the original editions of the series, there were no actual chapters, just a typeface change that signaled a character, location, or time shift. This was AWESOME!

In the new books, they have converted that unique typeface, and now the only thing that sets it apart from the rest of the page is that it is bold. Bold? How lame.

But sooo excited to see these re-released, although they might feel a little dated to new teen readers.

I severely hope that this means a movie is on the horizon.

Remember, I already have the soundtrack selected;)