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2nd Shift is a Cruel Mistress

Posted on February 2, 2017 by funnygurl2

My husband has big dreams. But for now, the draw of a steady paycheck keeps him tied down to the manufacturing industry. That means he doesn’t get to pick his own hours. So, he is stuck with the three shifts offered, which are pretty similar across most plants.

But, you do have more energy because work hasn't had a chance to wear you down yet today. So there's that...

But, you do have more energy because work hasn’t had a chance to wear you down yet today. So there’s that…

Before we were married, I worked 9AM-5PM hours, while he worked 2nd shift, usually a 3PM-11PM situation. He liked not having to get up early. He likes to stay up late. So, it worked for him. If I wanted to see him during the week, I had to stay up past 11:30PM when he got home, which, seeing as I left for work at 7:00AM, left me sleep deprived. But I was in my twenties, so who wasn’t, right?

Then we got married, bought a house, and could finally have the dogs of our dreams. I worried about them having to cross their legs for long periods of time. But with our work schedules, they were only alone for typically 4 hours a day. We were being good parents to our canine kids, even if we still never saw each other.

After 10 years of service, he eventually got laid off when his plant closed. He is a hard worker, always shows up on time, doesn’t constantly play on his phone. Since then, he has been steadily employed for the last 4 years, but not at the same place. See, for those unfamiliar, manufacturing is not a real steady business in Michigan in the 2010s. He did have the opportunity to get on first shift at one place (it was even a 4 days/10 hours schedule), but then shortly after that they went out of business.

So, once again, we are stuck with this second shift shit. Which, at this point, isn’t completely horrible because it is good for our childcare needs.

But, it still sucks.

Sometimes it feels like we lead separate lives. I feel like I have no support. When you live with a 2nd shifter, you can always count on them not to be there. What is even worse, is that you know how much they want to be. They miss sports, parent-teacher conferences, events.

Don’t even get me started on 3rd shift, which my husband has also done for limited periods of time. It totally fucks up your circadian rhythms. And should a bat choose to fly around your house in the middle of the night, you have to have your BFF and her husband drive a half hour to exterminate.

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Christmas: The I’m Not Stalking You Way! Part 1

Posted on December 12, 2014 by funnygurl2

When I was a kid, in my house at Christmas, we celebrated all things commercial about Christmas, and none of the religious ones. We sang Christmas carols with “Jesus” and “Lord” in them; that was about it. And I liked it that way. That is still the primary focus in our household. Don’t get me wrong, we are also about giving to the Salvation Army bell ringers and peace on Earth and all that. But we have snowmen, Santas, and nutcrackers filling our house, and no nativity in sight.

Giant Nutcracker

Giant Nutcracker

This means the Christmas tree has always been the center of our Christmas celebration. After all, it is what you put the gifts under!

When I was very young, I thought that Christmas trees were a special variety of pine tree that grew to be 5 to 6ft tall within 330 days or so.  I mean, it makes sense.  That is about how often consumers need to purchase them. It seemed totally unrealistic to me that you would chop down a tree that has taken years to grow, just to put in someone’s living room for a month.  I still think maybe my original idea was correct.  Or, if it is not, we should totally work on developing that.

Just as with anything else, my mom was very fussy about getting a Christmas tree. As you may suspect from my hypothesizing above, my mom and I always got a live tree. Because she had to carry it herself, she had strict height restrictions. Namely, that the tree could not be taller than her. The base of the tree had to be small enough to fit into our small metal tree stand. The trunk had to be straight so that the tree would not lean or be off balance. Because we hauled it in the trunk of our car, and later in a Chevrolet Chevette 2-door hatchback, she always put down a sheet first, so that (most of) the needles could be easily shaken out.

Me, when I was almost 4 years old. Almost the same age that my son is now.

Me, when I was almost 4 years old. Almost the same age that my son is now.

We always bought trees at the closest tree lot to us, which was at the American Legion. My gramma always came with us, which added a layer of tension because my mom and my gramma always bickered. (In 20 years, my son will be saying the same thing about his mom and grandmother. Oy.) I think my gramma was supposed to help hold open doors to the house, and hold the tree steady while my mom laid on the floor and screwed it into the stand. But I think the real reason my mom drug my gramma along was because in order to pay for the tree at the Legion, someone had to go into the bar to bring someone out. My mom always made my gramma do that. When I got big enough to help, my mom would just take the tree home. Then she would clip the price tag off the top of the tree and mail it with a check back to the Legion.

One year, my mom was out of work. She kept saying I wasn’t going to get much for Christmas. But she said that every year, and every year my Christmas was filled with gifts and candy. This particular year, she said we didn’t have money to get a Christmas tree. Which I didn’t believe her at first. She was always saying stuff like that, but our quality of living never changed much. (That was actually courtesy of Mr. Visa and Mr. Mastercard, who she was using to buy us groceries with.) She was usually a person who bought a tree early (for best selection), and then threw it in our shed until a week before Christmas (to ensure freshness). So as Christmas creeped closer, I started to believe her. And if I had known then what I know now about scrimping and saving, I would have told her to cut down on the steak (albeit cheap steak) and laundry soap (she used A LOT), we totally could have found the $20 they cost at that time. But I was just a kid.

Antique icicle ornaments older than I am. Wait...Does that make me an antique too?

Antique icicle ornaments older than I am. Wait…Does that make me an antique too?

One day we were taking a walk around the trailer court in which we lived in December. It must have been a warm day, otherwise why would we have been out? Which then makes sense that it was windy. As we were walking, leftover autumn leaves danced at our feet on the cracked concrete street. Among them, was a hint of green that she kicked with the toe of her shoe. It turned out to be a $20 bill. Who knows how far that $20 had blown to land at our feet. No owner in sight.

So, that year, that was how we got our Christmas tree. You would think that would have moved my mom in some way spiritually. It did not seem to. When I think of that experience, it strengthens my belief in the Law of Attraction. We wanted a Christmas tree so badly, that the means to get one was drawn into our lives.

My husband and I continue the tradition of a live tree every year (Scotch pine if my favorite).

My next post will be about the existence of Santa Claus. You can find it here: https://imnotstalkingyou.com/2014/12/17/christmas-the-im-not-stalking-you-way-part-2/

Coming Soon! My first book: The Wind Could Blow a Bug

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Grammar vs. Text (& FBOF)

Posted on June 12, 2012 by funnygurl2

You always hear news stories about how texting is dumbing down our teenagers and will someday replace the English language as we know it. I don’t see it that way. I think of them as two languages you can learn side by side, like English and French. Although, like anyone who knows two languages, the one you actually use the most will be the one you are more fluent in. That is part of why I write this blog.

Being out of work, I spend more time texting than writing emails of a professional nature. I try to write this blog in my own voice, while still trying to follow the basic rules of grammar. Does a smiley face sneak in sometimes (Why sure:) Do some posts have too many statements in parenthesis? (Definitely.) But I do generally consider myself a stickler for good spelling and grammar.

But, having texted, I totally understand the need for as much abbreviation as possible. It is necessary for speed, space-saving, and it saves your thumbs. Also, you have to realize I am not a part of the core texting generation. While kids today can type something like “OMGMMISL*” and totally understand each other, texting in my generation is a little different. My asbestos friend and I use texting as a substitute for phone calls and a more immediate version of email. I would love to call her and have long meaningful chats. But as we both have children between the ages of 11 months and 18 months, that seems a little improbable. And the signal at her house sucks.

We also have silly thoughts throughout the day that are better conveyed by text. But we are limited to how much we can abbreviate and still understand each other. Hence, our message often takes two or three texts to fully convey. I am thinking teenagers don’t do that. My friend and I only have abbreviations for things like Meijer (mjr), Wal-Mart (wmrt), and flaming butt of fire (fbof). My friend’s daughter coined the term “the flaming butt of fire.” (What is “the flaming butt of fire”? If you have to ask, honey, you have never had it!)

So, I believe, if actual writing is balanced with the actual English language, civilization will b ok a lil longer;)

* “Oh my God my Mom is so lame.”

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