Category Archives: Job hunting

My Real Resume

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ROLES & RESPONSIBILITIES

Wife
-Population Control
-Domestic Administrator
-Chef
-Personal Shopper
-Budget Overlord
-Time Management
-Scheduler
-Zookeeper
-Records Archive Director
-Historian
-Psychic
-Hair Stylist
-Concubine
-Closet Organizer

Mom
-Part-time Nanny
-Teacher
-Nurturer
-Photographer
-Diaper Quality Inspector

Daughter
-Chauffeur
-Technology Expert
-Furniture Mover
-Entertainment Committee
-Slave

Homeowner
-Wildlife Relocation Specialist

Asbestos Friend
-Thrower of Baby BBQs
-Accomplished email time suck

SPECIALTIES

Specializing in entertainment trivia, offbeat humor, & good hygiene.

Skills
-10 key calculator
-Disaster preparedness
-First Aid administrator
-Amateur weather prediction
-American Red Cross Dog First Aid certified
-Blogger Extraordinaire

Education
-Was on high school honor roll 22 of 24 marking periods.
-Accomplished this while watching 58 hrs of television a week.
-Graduated .03 GPA from a summa cum laude in college.
-Learned not to be different in any way thanks to Middle School.
-Only missed one word all year in 4th grade spelling (stupid “Caynon”. I MEAN CANYON!!!).
-Co-Editor of high school newspaper.

Desired Salary
$2,000,000 the first year, and $1,000,000 each year thereafter, plus a $1,000,000 signing bonus.
Fame to go with my fortune would be considered a bonus.

Walking Around Like Ghosts

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The company I work for is in bankruptcy. From my point of view, things do not look good. More employees are leaving every week. Those of us still in the building walk about like ghosts & swap names of companies to send applications to. Both current & former employees reach out to each other on Linkedin. It feels to me as if we are reaching out to each other in a blackened cold sea, and each of us is a life preserver for the other. In the end, a large number of connections probably won’t bring all of us new employment. But it feels like a good first step to facing the reality that we will all need new employment soon.

Will you be my Facebook friend?

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I gave in & signed up for Facebook. I didn’t want to, but I feel as though there is a slim possibility it could help me get a new job. Maybe through networking, or maybe updating a company’s Facebook could end up being part of my job. Plus, I think it makes me look like I can figure it out. Which, at this point, I haven’t quite done yet.

I resisted Facebook for a very long time, as you can tell by the year on the calendar reading 2011. Mostly because when I had a MySpace.com account (I know, no one has them anymore, I don’t even have mine, don’t give me that face), none of my friends would sign up & be my friend on it. I can hold a grudge for a very long time. Also, I believe that Facebook is a giant time suck. I don’t like my life being sucked away. And people always seem to get more into Facebook AFTER they have kids. How can that be? My kid needs constant feeding & diapering & attention & holding & does not like to sit in front of the computer (the pictures on the screen don’t move as often as on the TV).

So, last night, within a half hour of me creating an account, my inlaws & my inlaws’ inlaws had found me & requested to be my friend. And I accepted, because I got all excited that people liked me. I forgot that I wanted to learn how to use it before I started adding people and looking like a dork. I am also too new at Facebook to realize that someone wanting to “friend you” doesn’t really mean anything except they like to watch the count of their friends increase. They would probably friend the rear side of a donkey if it had a bow tied to it’s tail. (What?)

My friend said that she sent me something on Facebook today. I asked if I would be able to find it. She said I would see it when I logged in. I logged in. I told her,”All I see is a whole pile of crap from everyone else.” She responded: Well, yes. Thats pretty much a summary of facebook. “A whole pile of crap from everyone.” I figured out I needed to click on my name to see only my crap. Next up: figuring out how to upload pictures of my adorable child.

The good news is one of my best friends from high school, who was the maid of honor in my wedding, who I have not heard from in 5 years, friended me already. Maybe she will drop me a line sometime in the next 5 years. Here’s hoping.

PS–So far Linkedin is WAY more addictive than Facebook. What could be more fun than connecting with coworkers, former bosses, and updating your resume 12 times a day:)