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Holiday Amnesia

Of course the holidays were more fun when I was a child and could just sit back and enjoy them with none of the work. I have gotten a little less enjoyment each year in scheduling when we can possibly get a tree and how we will find some extra Jacksons to pay for it and ultimately slogging out the same decorations to adorn it.

I know I sound terrible. And the tree is my FAVORITE PART OF CHRISTMAS!

But I have reached a new low this year…

This year, I can’t even remember it.

That’s right. I can’t remember what happened.

It was a blur of buying gifts, wrapping gifts, buying ingredients for cookies, going to holiday events which seemed to be happening not only every weekend, but then every night of the week. I remember the holiday party at work, and how much I was looking forward to it. That night, we saw a listing for a dog online who would turn out to be part of the litter we would ultimately adopt our new pup from.

Then, there is a blur.

Puppy arrives

I know a dog started living with us between Christmas and New Year’s. We went to my sister-in-law’s New Year’s Eve party. We took the dog. I think. My husband and I had birthdays too, but I only remember coming out of a sickness fog to return to work.

Did this really happen?

I am finding items around the house that I don’t remember. They all turn out to be my son’s Christmas presents he received. I know when we got the puppy there was a mad rush to remove items from her path that she may destroy or eat. But having them out of site also put them out of my mind.

Maybe I am just out of my mind.

Has anyone else ever experienced this, or is it just me?

Maybe the 24 hour stomach flu that went through our house had a coma effect? Except, well, I am the only one experiencing this problem.

Oh well. I have always said that Christmas should be like the Olympics—we should take a break in between them. Even Christmas every other year would be more palpable.

Maybe the Jennifer’s Holiday Amnesia Episode of 2017 is Santa’s way of granting that wish. He managed to grant all my other wishes this year.

Your past shapes you. It can’t be undone.
ANGRY MACEY
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Blatant Product Endorsement: Phazyme

Posted on

I have been meaning to write a review of this wonderful product for a long time now. Most of you have probably never heard of the medicine Phazyme. If you need this product, you will be sooo glad you are hearing about this now.

Phazyme is a GAS RELIEF MIRACLE!

You are probably saying: Gas, EW! TMI, stranger.

But we all overshare on our blogs, and sometimes it happens to be health-related. But how are we ever going to learn from each other if we never share?

While I was in college, I got diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS).

What is IBS?

PHAZYME-IBS

Is it a frowny face on your intestines? Not really. For me, it usually felt like my digestive system was trying to revolt and leave my body. It is a more sophisticated name than “chunky soup stomach,” which is what I had been calling it up until then (boiling, churning chunks in your stomach that have a gravy consistency).

FYI—I love Campbell’s Chunky soup. And consuming Chunky soup doesn’t give me chunky soup stomach.

IBS is the medical term for “eat shit [-ty food] & die.” Once I stopped eating my mom’s fried dinners every night, I began to recover a bit of “regularity” and start leading a semi-normal life again. (Regularity makes me think of Jamie Lee Curtis. I got to hear her sing the Activitia in person. Here is a picture of me with her. I bet SHE doesn’t need Phazyme.)

Jamie Lee Curtis and me

Jamie Lee Curtis and me

 

But the official definition of IBS? You have tummy troubles that we cannot find an explanation for.

This leads me to gas and Phazyme. IBS gives me gas. And on many occasions, it is the kind that does not leave the body. It just stays inside and is so painful all I can do is roll around on the bed in agony. I wish that I could thrust a knife into my gut and release all the pressure, like a big balloon. (I have always wondered which is worse, gas pain that painful or labor pains. As I never had a single contraction while I was pregnant for my son, I guess I will never know.)

So, I tried Gas-X. Not much relief. I used to get some relief from Riopan, but it is no longer made. Tums/Rolaids give no relief.

I don’t even remember how I heard about Phazyme. I think someone must have recommended it to me. Maybe the doctor (although I hate to give doctors credit for anything). The first pharmacy I asked at had it, but only in infant drops. Then I did find it and…

HALLELUJAH!

Phazyme packaging

Phazyme packaging

 

It helped! I buy the maximum strength 250mg simethicone dosage, so I can only take two pills a day. Usually I take one and wait several hours. If the pain is really bad and persistent, I will take a second one. It seems to both eliminate lot of the gas/pressure, and also shows it how to exit your body, rather than hang around—sort of like the Mucinex commercials do for mucous.

And that allows me to pretend to lead a normal life. Many days Phazyme allowed me to go to work and appear normal, easing the pain and pressure enough that I could walk upright and not scream out in pain. It also allowed me to get my pants zipped up at my desk. I am sure all my former coworkers were unknowingly thankful for that.

To sum up: Got gas, get Phazyme. I like to buy the blister packs, then I can always have one with me and not worry about the fast-working softgels getting crushed. Never leave home without it. And ibuprofen. That is some good shit too.

Follow the romantic entanglements of The Riley Sisters in my books:
Be Careful What You Wish ForAVAILABLE NOW!
When You Least Expect It CLICK HERE TO WIN!
The Wind Could Blow a BugWHERE IT ALL BEGAN!

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