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What I Learned This Week – 3/9/14

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I learned that monster trucks are just as great in person as I always thought they would be.  I was always fascinated with the commercials for monster truck shows.  So much so, that in my spare time at college, I made one.  (Sorry, this one is audio only*.)

My asbestos friend invited my son and I along for a girl’s night out to Monster Jam at the Huntington Center in Toledo, Ohio.  My son was a little scared at first.  But I had him equipped with proper hearing protection and he really got into it when the trucks did their freestyle at the end of the night.

Hearing protection a must!

Hearing protection a must!

Grave Digger (the only truck that was there that I had heard of) flipped over–twice!  That was awesome!  We got all the drivers’ autographs afterward.

Grave Digger!

Grave Digger!  He was even on fire (a little)!

I was sad that the Monster Mutt and the Scooby-Doo trucks were not there.  But I would definitely go again sometime.

On to a new subject…

Kids, when you get a new computer ALWAYS make recovery disks right away, and store in a safe, logical location.

Also, regularly back up things you care about.  Delete the things on your computer that you do not care enough to back up.  I had to have my hard drive in my laptop replaced this week, but I am VERY glad to have it back.  (FYI–I did both of those satisfactorily enough that I was not devastated by the loss.)

* To see my Oscar Mayer commercial, please click here:  http://imnotstalkingyou.com/2014/02/06/wienermobile/

Technical Difficulties…

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…Please stand by.

2014-03-05-11-06-25-229471342

Watch The Tomorrow People – Tonight

I wrote a post about The Tomorrow People in December, and it is quickly becoming one of the most popular on my blog, receiving hits daily.

The Tomorrow People is one of those shows on the ratings bubble, that may or may not get renewed for a second season.

There are so few shows that I actually enjoy watching these days, especially since I avoid reality shows, except for Cake Boss.  I really hope that this one survives.

The Tomorrow People will be on tonight at at 9:00PM EST on the CW.  It can also be watched the day after on cwtv.com.  Here is a preview of tonight’s episode:

And here is my December post.  Give it a read, if you haven’t already:

http://imnotstalkingyou.com/2013/12/04/the-writers-of-the-tomorrow-people-can-read-my-mind/

Grand

A few weeks ago, I talked about the TV show “Phenom”, and said that I would have more Sara Rue for you. And, here it is…

Years ago on NBC, there was a little TV show called Grand. The details of the show are very foggy to me now. But I always make a point to think of the title every now and then so that I don’t forget it. I search Amazon.com for DVD of it. I search WarnerArchive.com for it. I search Nexflix to stream it.

Hmmm.  When was this available on DVD?  Not now... Photo: Wikipedia.com

Hmmm. When was this available on DVD? Not now…
Photo: Wikipedia.com

No luck. And that is no big surprise. It is not a show that anyone would still want to view. Except for me.

It didn’t have any super famous stars. It didn’t create any breakout stars during its barely two season run. Although there were many fine character actors. It was offbeat at a time before people were into that. It would probably be a huge hit now, in a time of 30 Rock and New Girl quirkiness.

Grand was the name of the town in which the show took place. What I remember about the show most is that it was soap opera like. I mean, there was a lot of comedy and it took place in situations, so I guess it was mostly a sitcom. But it was a sitcom wanting to be a soap opera, in the same way that the classic TV comedy “Soap” was. There was a rich family and a poor family. The poor family featured a mother and a daughter, played by Pamela Reed and Sara Rue, who lived in a trailer. Being a daughter who lived with her mother in a trailer at the time, I deeply identified with them. They were my favorite characters. I believe Pamela Reed worked as a maid for the rich family. I also believe that they had the most realistic set of a trailer I had ever seen depicted on TV. It conveyed how cramped it was to live in one, always on top of each other.

There was also a cute policeman played by Andrew Lauer. He was on every show at that time (Going to Extremes, Caroline in the City). Sara Rue’s character was in love with him. (I was too.)

Everyone on the show seemed to be an oddball. Pamela Reed’s character often seemed like the only semi-normal one. Maybe that is why I liked her the best and remember her the most.

I wanted to write about this show:

1. So that I don’t have to hold this information in my head any longer.

2. Maybe this post will help others remember this show.

3. Maybe someone will see my post and actually release this on DVD, so that I can watch it again.

4. Maybe Sara Rue will send me a “What’s up, girl?” on Twitter. (I don’t know her. But she seems like she has a “What’s up, girl?” personality, doesn’t she? I always watched her on Less Than Perfect, with Andy Dick and Sherri Shepherd.

The cast of Less Than Perfect, Sara Rue - center

The cast of Less Than Perfect, Sara Rue – center

5. My blog gets many hits from people searching for the show Homefront daily. I am lucky to remember a high level of facts about it. I feel people are search on the Internet for random scraps of knowledge to find out what that show was that they loved about life in America, just after WWII. They are grasping on to tiny little facts about Homefront, as I am about Grand.

So, in order to be a more useful search engine result, I am going to supplement my limited memories from above with this info from Imdb.com

GRAND (1990)
NBC

ACTOR … CHARACTER
Pamela Reed … Janice Pasetti
Bonnie Hunt … Carol Anne Smithson
John Neville … Desmond
Joel Murray … Norris Weldon
Sara Rue … Edda Pasetti
John Randolph … Harris Weldon
Mark Moses … Richard Peyton
Jackey Vinson … Dylan
Michael McKean … Tom Smithson
Andrew Lauer … Off. Wayne Kasmurski

This is about the total amount of footage from the show that I could scrap up on YouTube for you enjoyment:

Interested in my Top Ten Favorite TV Shows of all time? Please click on the tab at the top of the page!

What I Learned This Week – 2/23/14

This might not seem important to anyone else, but the universe presented it to me several time in the past couple weeks.

This week I learned who sang the song “Hungry Eyes” from Dirty Dancing. I have seen the movie and heard the song a million times, but I never paid attention to who sang it. To be honest, for years I thought it was called “Come to the Isles.”

I also learned that the SAME singer sang other 80′s classics such as “All By Myself” and “Make Me Lose Control.” I always thought “Make Me Lose Control” was called “Turn The Radio Up.”

Hungry Eyes

Make Me Lose Control

Now, I am more educated for any future entertainment trivia contests I might find myself in. So too will you be.

Sidenote:

This song has been stuck in my head since Wednesday night.

Click to play the video - abc.com

Click to play the video – abc.com

To read more about Super Fun Night, click here: http://imnotstalkingyou.com/2014/02/19/watch-super-fun-night-tonight/

I Hate Nancy Kerrigan

Since the Winter Olympics are happening now, I thought this might be a good time to write this post. Otherwise, well, I will have to wait another four years for it to be semi-relevant.

In 1994, you all probably remember that Tonya Harding’s husband at the time paid a hit man to club Nancy Kerrigan in the knee, so that Nancy would not be able to make the Olympic team and Tonya would. The result was that they both made the Olympic team anyway.  Tonya qualified at the U.S. Figure Skating Championships, and would go on to finish 8th at the Olympics that year.  Nancy went to the Olympics on a special “we-were-all-planning-for-her-to-go-anyway” pass. She only got silver and blamed it on her knee injury. In reality, she probably wouldn’t have done better than silver, injury-free. And I am not sure she deserved silver anyway.

That is the controversy everyone remembers.

Tonya Harding & Nancy Kerrigan

Tonya Harding & Nancy Kerrigan

Let me give you a little background on how figure skating got to be so popular in the mid-90′s. CBS had lost their contract with the NFL. They needed programming, specifically sports, to fill in their Saturday and Sunday afternoon programming blocks. They chose to put on figure skating, both amateur and professional, competitions and shows. So skaters and performances that had previously not been aired on TV were suddenly in my living room every weekend. My mom and I watched them all. The Olympics of 1992 came and went, putting the faces of the champions front and center on our cereal boxes and in our commercials.

The decision was made to stagger the Summer and Winter Olympics, so that they would no longer occur in the same year. In order to start this staggered cycle, the next Winter Olympics was moved up to 1994. So, the cycle of competitions that led up to the Olympics started again right away (Nationals, Worlds). Many of the competitors were the same, because it was only two years later. It was exciting to watch their skills develop and grow. To make matters more familiar, at the 1994 games there was a rule change that let professionals compete at the Olympics again. Many big names competed again, such as Brian Boitano, Victor Petrenko, and Katerina Witt, although none reclaimed their previous glory.

Now, while I love to talk smack about Nancy Kerrigan, I feel a little guilty doing it, because she was good friends with Paul Wylie. Wylie surprised many by winning the silver medal at the 1992 Winter Olympics in Albertville. I had a huge crush on Paul Wylie. I even painted a picture of him skating in art class. (That is how obsessed I was with him and skating.)

Paul Wylie

Paul Wylie (The first celebrity I [did not] stalk on the Internet)

My mom and I even went to see Stars on Ice at the Toledo Sports Arena around 1992. I was so happy to see Debbie Thomas perform in person. She was always my favorite. I be she remembers that performance too. She sprained her ankle right in front of me. A few weeks later, she officially retired from skating to become a doctor.

And, this is all more figure skating history from a TV viewer than you probably want to know.

The fact that we are still talking about the rivalry between Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding 20 years later is crazy. ESPN just did an interview with Tonya Harding about it. Neither of them would still be household names if it wasn’t for the incident. Tonya was very athletic and completed powerful jumps, but she lacked artistry. Kerrigan could skate around artistically, but often had trouble completing her jumps.  But that damn tape kept making the rounds, of Nancy whining “Why? Why me? WHY!” Man, that gets annoying quick. I realize it should not have happened. It gave both women an unwanted legacy.

Nancy Kerrigan on the cover of Newsweek

Nancy Kerrigan on the cover of Newsweek

The real reason I don’t like Nancy Kerrigan is because I believe her nicey-nice routine is all an act. I have never met her, of course, but I just believe that in uncensored moments she gets caught for the bitch that she is. I started this post with the event that the world still remembers. The following is the event that sticks in my mind the most.

My mom and I watched live the 1994 Winter Olympic Women’s Skating Finals in Lilehammer. We saw with our own eyes that while poor little Oksana Baiul found out she had won the gold and was falling apart, Nancy Kerrigan was waiting on the ice and making nasty comments, in a very unsportsmanlike way. Oksana was virtually an orphan, her coach having guardianship of her. She was only 16, from a poor country where she had nothing, and just found out she had a gold medal. Oksana was freaking out, rightfully so. All Nancy could do was make snotty comments about Oksana taking forever to fix her makeup.

#1 – Why would you ever say such a thing?

#2 – Why would you ever say such a thing with a TV camera in your face documenting it?

It only leads me to one conclusion–that that is her true personality, that she didn’t even realize how rude that sounded to shield it from others’ ears. It was like the whole country thought she was this sweet little princess with the blind mother. But I could see that she wasn’t. She felt she was entitled to a gold medal, and she was pissed that cute little Oksana had gotten in her way.

As this incident never gets mentions, I assumed the rest of the world had forgotten about it, except my mom and I. I was pleased to see it was mentioned in Nancy’s Wikipedia entry. It also mentions when she rode a float in the Disney parade and, with an open mic she didn’t realize was on, she made comments like “I hate this. This is so corny.” to none other than Mickey Mouse himself.

Oh, yes. It is sooo “corny” to get to be the guest of honor in a Disney parade and ride on a float wearing your Olympic silver medal.

Talk about not being thankful for the things you have.

I pity you.

Watch Super Fun Night Tonight!

The season finale of Super Fun Night is on tonight on ABC at 9:30Pm/EST.

(I promise, this will be a short post.)

I didn’t fall in love with this sitcom right away. I had never seen Rebel Wilson in anything. I have to admit, it bothered me that her character of Kimmie Boubier breaks into song unexpectedly. And she talks in a breathy voice all the time. Apparently, this is her version of an American accent, because she is actually Australian.

The Cast of Super Fun Night

The Cast of Super Fun Night

But I kept watching because I liked her relationship with her roommates, Marika (Lauren Ash) and Helen-Alice (Liza Lapira). They are all quirky and dorky. They are not classy or refined. Marika is set-up as a butch type. Helen-Alice comes across as nerdy and shy, but is very outspoken with her friends. I relate a lot to Helen-Alice.

I think the title was supposed to come from them deciding to go out and try new things together, in the process, possibly meet men as well. But this ritual seems to fall by the wayside pretty quickly.

I was also bothered that Kimmie was supposed to be a lawyer. I saw it as too unbelievable. But, apparently, the show was created that way because Rebel Wilson herself has a degree in law. Still unbelievable.

There is also a character named Kendall, who is played by Kate Jenkinson. She adds a dose of b*tch to the show. She would be the villain to Rebel’s Kimmie. She provides balance to all the odd jokes I don’t quite get and the spontaneous singing. Except Kendall’s walls are slowly coming down to reveal that she is not all bad. On several occasions, she ends up hanging out with Marika and Helen-Alice. Kendall acts like it is a horrible experience for her. But it keeps happening.

Maybe I am more of a Kendall…

Why do I want you to watch?

1. I love Richard Royce.

Kimmie and Richard on Super Fun Night

Kimmie and Richard on Super Fun Night

He is played by British actor Kevin Bishop. I didn’t know him before this show, but apparently he was the boy in Muppet Treasure Island.

I totally ship Richard and Kimmie. Richard is goofy and nutty in the same way that Kimmie is. And he is cute and looks good with his shirt off. He is the funny, nice, cute guy we all hope really exists in the world and not just in sitcom scripts.

Kimmie has a boyfriend who is nice enough, but she should be with Richard.

THIS happened last week (Click to watch):

Click to watch!

Click to watch!

2. People need to watch the season finale so that it will get renewed, so that this doesn’t end up being the series finale.

At my press time, this show still has not been announced for a second season. And I feel as though its chances are very low of being saved.

A few weeks ago, Bob Saget guest starred as a client. This week’s guest star will be Charles Shaughnessy (The Nanny). As he is British, I am betting he will come in and play Richard’s father, who owns the law firm Richard, Kimmie, and Kendall work for. Since I watch the show for Richard, this should give him a bigger part tonight. It will be fun to see how Richard and his father interact with each other. Oh, and what if his father doesn’t like Kimmie, thinks she is too unprofessional, and wants to can her. Then Richard would have to step in and fight for her honor. *Swoon*

The series is executive produced by none other than Conan O’Brien. Episodes have been directed by Ken Marino (MTV’s The State, Reaper) and Fred Savage (you should know him!), and Michael Showalter (MTV’s The State) is also a writer. There are some good people behind the scenes here.

So, I beg you, watch the season finale. If you don’t like it, you won’t ever have to watch it again. And, if you DO like it, well, you can watch the rest of the episodes when it hits Nexflix or Hulu and be sad that there will never be any more episodes.

And I’m sorry, but this did not turn out to be a short post. I also told myself I would post it by 11:00AM EST. That didn’t happen either.

Bosom Buddies

Bosom Buddies is more awesome than I remember.

I went shopping last weekend with my asbestos friend.  We went to Target.  While looking at the DVDs, in a chance encounter she read off the title of Bosom Buddies.  I was like “What!  I have never seen that one in a store!  I must own it!”

If you don’t remember (But, how could you not!), Bosom Buddies was a sitcom starring Tom Hanks (as Kip) and Peter Scolari (as Henry) that debuted in 1980, and ran for two seasons. It was about two young guys who worked at an ad agency. They find a cheap place to live, but it is a women’s only hotel. So, they do the logical thing. They dress up like women to live there.

Photo: IMDb.com Bosom Buddies

Photo: IMDb.com
Bosom Buddies

I started watching my season one dvd box set right when I got home.  I was instantly disappointed for two reasons.

1. They changed the theme song.  Originally, it was Billy Joel’s “My Life”.

And it does say on the box “Some music has been changed for this home entertainment version.”  And if I had seen that before purchase, I would have instantly known that, of course, Billy Joel doesn’t want them using one of his songs if he can’t make mucho money off of it.  I am surprised that Billy Joel allowed them to use it as the theme song on televison in 1980.  And I am sure he never dreamed they would be asking permission to use it on a DVD 34 years later.

Who in their right mind would still want to watch a show about cross-dressing guys in the 80′s 34 years later?  (Not me.  I want to watch it, but I am not in my right mind ;P )

But it made me sad.  The theme is such an ESSENTIAL PART of the show!  I may not have bought it if I had seen the warning first.  And the song they replaced it with is heinous.

So, how did I cope?  I muted the TV for the first 90 seconds of every episode and sang the Billy Joel song myself.  (If he had heard this, Billy Joel might have taken pity and let them use the song…)

2.  The first couple episodes dragged.

Or maybe it just took that long for me to get back into it again. The first episode sets up that they are moving into the hotel and dressing like women, “Buffy & Hildy”. The second episode introduces them to the women who live in the building as Buffy & Hildy’s brothers.

But by episode 3, the hot neighbor across the hall that Kip has a crush on comes to stay in their apartment, and wacky high-jinks ensue.

I watched all 19 episodes of season one within about 36 hours.  I love binge watching.

I watched Bosom Buddies at the time it originally aired, and a little bit when it was in syndication. This was still probably 30 years ago. I forgot how utterly annoying Tom Hanks was when he first started out. So goofy and lanky and loud. He seems to have figured out how to harness that over the years to make boring, Oscar-winning roles. I still believe he has all that energy and goofiness trapped inside him somewhere. Maybe he only lets it out when he voices toy cowboys.

Photo: IMDb.com Peter Scolari, 1980

Photo: IMDb.com
Peter Scolari, 1980

I forgot how CUTE Peter Scolari was. He was always my favorite. As Henry, he was the one with all the heart, while Kip was a jerk a lot of the time. And I have liked Peter in everything he has done through the years. Except maybe Newhart, because that was a really dull show to watch, especially in my teens. I liked Dweebs, another short-lived show that you might remember for Corey Feldman being a part of the cast.

Bosom Buddies also starred the great Wendie Jo Sperber (Back To The Future, Babes), the super Telma Hopkins (Gimme A Break, Family Matters) and the wonderful Holland Taylor (The Practice, 2 And A Half Men). This show had a great, talented cast with great comedy and timing chops. It is too bad that the writers seem to only be able to give Telma stereotypical black girl punch lines to spout. Her part on Gimme A Break several years later with Nell Carter would be much more well-rounded. Holland comes off as the old chick on that show, playing their boss. But when my husband and I thought about, she was probably only in her late 30′s at that time–and I am that age now!

In one episode, they are at a club that has a comedian. It is Bob Saget. Bosom Buddies was produced by Miller-Milkis-Boyett Productions. Seven years later, Full House would premiere starring Saget, produced by Miller/Boyett Productions. Could it be that is how he got on the radar to play Danny Tanner? While Danny Tanner was a giant dork, no one else could have played him as lovingly as Bob Saget.

The clothes are not yet over-the-top 80′s fashions, but you can tell they are approaching. Fast.  I liked how they would have to come up with more and more inventive places to change their clothes on the way to work or back home again. It is bothersome that as I got further into my season one episodes, they seemed to show them dressed up as women less and less often. I wonder if that was a change that the network may have asked for. It is missed, especially since that is the whole premise of the show! Kip and Henry hang out with these girls from the building more and more as just Kip and Henry. Now, wouldn’t it be weird if you suddenly started hanging out with the “brothers” of the women who lived across the hall from you, but they themselves were never around? Some episodes make up excuses for it, like that Buffy and Hildy are sick in bed. But usually, it is just not brought up at all.

I noticed there are two rainbows that hung on the wall in the office behind them at their work. Could that have been some sort of support for the gay community? Or just leftover groovy 70′s style?

Apparently, in the second season they leave the ad agency and buy a commercial production house. I don’t really remember that. And that makes me torn as to whether I should purchase season two or not.

But it is a great TV show.  Be sure to play the theme song video above.  If you already did, please play it again.  Then, the next time you hear “My Life” playing in the grocery store, you will think of Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari in drag.  And that brings a smile to everyone’s face… :)

What I Learned This Week – 2/16/14

This week I learned what “THAT” is, as in when Meatloaf sang “I will do anything for love, but I won’t do that.”

With Valentine’s Day this week, you may have seen this underwear on the Internet, especially as a Facebook joke meme:

Front: I would do anything for love Back: Butt I won't do that

Front: I would do anything for love
Back: Butt I won’t do that

The lyrics being a little unclear, I believe a large amount of the American population wonders if that is what the song actually means.  But, Meatloaf clears it up in the clip below (click on the picture):

Yahoo Daily Shot

Yahoo Daily Shot

He says the line of each verse is what he will NEVER DO,  and then “I’ll do anything for love, but I won’t do that” relates back up to it.  Apparently the songwriter told him no one would understand it, but he was like “How could people not?”  Below are the ones he lists in the clip:

“I’ll never stop dreaming of you every night of my life….I’ll do anything for love, but I won’t do that”

“I’ll never forget the way you feel right now….I’ll do anything for love, but I won’t do that”

Hmmm.  I just read the lyrics online, and I am still confused by this song, even with his explanation.

The cast of Phenom (1993-94) Angela Goethals, Judith Light, Todd Louiso & Ashley Johnson

The cast of Phenom (1993-94)
Angela Goethals, Judith Light, Todd Louiso & Ashley Johnson

This week I was also presently surprised to find Todd Louiso pop up in my Entertainment Weekly, with his reaction to Philip Seymour Hoffman’s death.

Go ahead.  Ask.

Who the hell is Todd Louiso?

Well, after a quick check of IMDb.com, he has apparently been steadily working for years and I just didn’t know it.

I know and love him from a short-lived sitcom from 1993 called Phenom.  He played the older, neurotic brother of a tennis phenomenon.

I looked it up and sure enough, someone put a whole bunch of episodes TV-to-VHS-to-YouTube.  And I see why I watched this show in the first place.  It would have been Judith Light’s first show after Who’s The Boss? and Ashley Johnson’s first show following Growing Pains.  (I LOVED Who’s the Boss and especially Growing Pains .)

This comment from IMDb.com describes why I watched the show as well as I ever could:

The premise for the t.v. show “Phenom” was actually pretty original but the show was not particularly amazing. It was just ok. What I found myself tuning in to see was the older brother character played by Todd Louiso. He was neurotic and funny, not to mention much less gifted than the main character (played by Angela Goethals). He was a very original character for a sitcom…

You can watch the pilot on YouTube here:

Apparently, Todd has recently been on Suburgatory recently as “Bob”.  I watch Suburgatory religiously every week and I have no idea who that character is :(

I appologize for the Phenom theme song.  It is, well, bad.  It makes me want to tune out before the show even starts!

If you want to hear about an even OLDER TV sitcom with a much BETTER theme song, stop back buy on Tuesday for my next post.

Sara Rue was on Phenom as well.  I love her.  Stay tuned to I’m Not Stalking You, and in a few weeks I will talk about another old show that featured Miss Rue.

Reincarnation Is For The Dogs

I didn’t think I believed in reincarnation until I got my two dogs. Now I am pretty sure it does exist.

Hear me out.

Dave's knowing eyes.  And wanting me to scratch her butt.

Dave’s knowing eyes. And wanting me to scratch her butt.

I feel very certain that Dave, my Lab/Chow has a lot more going on behind those eyes and in that brain of her’s than just normal doggy thoughts. Dave is planning, studying, and memorizing our constantly changing schedules. When the German Shorthair Pointer Parker has to go outside, Dave might say, “Oh no, I don’t have to go out.”* Which she usually, in good weather, will always go outside when Parker does, just to be nosy. When I come back inside with Parker, it is then very clear why Dave wanted to stay indoors–usually a food-related opportunity. She will have consumed food left on the coffee table (at perfect muzzle height) by my toddler, or found the dog food bag erroneously left open by a human distracted by the toddler.

Dave is an incredibly smart dog. For some reason, she always pees (multiple times!) when I take her to the pet store, but she has never peed indoors while visiting my mom’s apartment building, even though I know that the double sliding doors and elevator make her tuck her tail in fright.

Mommy's favorite

Mommy’s favorite

She knows just how to sneak up on the bed so that you never realize she is there (until you try to roll over). She can be very stealth for a 60 pound dog.

For all these reasons and more, I truly believe that Dave has been a dog many times over. I believe her next go around, she will be a human. A very naughty human, but a human all the same.

Parker is a whole different story. He is a cat trapped in a dog’s body. I believe that he used to be a cat, and this is his first go-around as a dog. So he is still learning the ropes.

Parker and Dave don’t like each other. They tolerate each other, but they are not buddies. If they both didn’t have tails that wag and the ability to bark, I wouldn’t even think they they are the same species. Maybe that is why they are not friends, because Dave is more human than dog, and Parker is more cat than dog.

Parker is very demanding. If he doesn’t get his way, he uses his urine as his revenge, much like a cat would. He had even peed on my bed before.** (He almost lost his cushy, warm home over that one.)

He likes to escape and patrol the neighborhood like a feline would. When he gets tired, he stops at the nearest house and begs to go in, like a cat would. Except that he is not a cute, fuzzy kitten. He is a 55 pound hyper monster of muscle and legs. So, of course, we are soon called to go and pick him up. Some people are nice enough to even deliver. (Bless those people.) Parker has run away many, many times. He has taken a swim in the nearby lake and crossed the busiest road in the county by the dark of night. He came millimeters from ripping open the main artery in his leg on a metal fence post. I am sure he had nine lives, and is on his last one now.

What did I do to myself?!

What did I do to myself?!

He rubs himself on the corners of my bed, and on the edges of the carpeted stairs, just as a cat would. Oh sure, he does it under the guise of scratching his doggy ears, but I know the truth. He also gets VERY excited when he encounters a cat. He barks at them incessantly, as if to say, “Hey, it’s me! I’m a fellow cat. Let’s play!” The cats are not happy about that. A cat a block away once tried to attack him and scratched his nose. All Parker was doing was walking by ON A LEASH!

Parker wearing my son's pajamas, so that he will be "nice and comfy"

Parker wearing my son’s pajamas, so that he will be “nice and comfy”

He is a good snuggler. That may be his only redeeming quality. He is very warm, and can curl himself up into a very tight circle on the bed or the couch, despite his long, gangly legs. But, beware. Just like a cat, I have seen him sit on my husband’s head in the morning when he wants to get fed.

If we had trained him to be the bird dog he was bred for, I believe he would have been very good at it. Not because he is a GSP, but because his feline side would have taken over.

Dave and Parker are nothing like my asbestos friend’s dog, Joe. He is just a big dumb dog. He is friendly, loyal, and only has to go outside like twice a day. Joe is a dog you would see in a cartoon. Dave bosses Joe around like a human would. Parker bosses him around like a cat would. Poor Joe, canine through and through, probably wonders what the hell is wrong with those animals that look like dogs and smell like dogs, but sure do not act like dogs.

I wonder if I had them DNA tested, if it would detect any anomalies. Or a TSA scanner.

Dave already loves beer, and has very definitive tastes (not that she ever gets very much). Maybe I should just quit fighting it and treat them like their inner souls. Maybe I need to pick up some catnip for Parker at the store ;)

For more stories about Dave and Parker, please visit my People of Interest page.

* DAVE DOES NOT ACTUALLY TALK. Trust me, if she did, you would know about it. I would have her muzzle on every newscast and talk show across Northern America. (Hey Canadians! Love you and your hockey!)

** For a great recipe on how to get dog pee out of your matress, please visit: http://www.dogchatforum.com/dog-urine-removal-mattress.htm

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